Of stopping

Do not let the fact that I am up at 6 am taking pictures of the snow fool you into thinking I am back in my manic phase.

Or the fact that I'm about to go out and walk a few miles in it before going to the gym. 

Or the fact that these are just 2 items on my 23 item to do list for today.

Not manic. (I feel the urge to write that like 19 times in a row) 

Ok, so a little manic.

Anyway,

Let it snow!

Lori Ann

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about

You guys, 

You know how I always plan to start these weekly features and then kind of forget about them after a week or two?

It's happening again. Yes!

My new weekly feature (inspired by Meliss) will be...

FREE THERAPY!!

What good is it to read the blog of a therapist if you aren't getting some free therapy out of it?

So, every Sunday my blog shall be dedicated to providing you with some amazing therapeutic tool or insight.

Let the healing begin!!

Today's FREE THERAPY....

"it is a psychological fact that we treat ourselves the way we were treated as children"

I often share that quote with my clients who were children of addicts or who come from abusive homes. 

What starts out as our parents voices in our heads eventually becomes the same words, but in our own voice.

Sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it is bad. 

In my life it has been both.

I never doubt my intelligence- I can still hear my parents voices telling me that I am smart. It's my voice telling me that now and I have always been very confident in my intelligence. 

I struggle with feeling like I am a deep down lazy person. That's something my dad would say alot (because he was probably frustrated by the never ending mess!). I constantly worry that other people are going to judge me as lazy and if I leave something, it's my voice now saying "stop being so lazy. You are such a slob" etc. 

The thing is that those kind of self castigating thoughts neither motivate nor inspire real change. Guilt and shame are not long term motivating emotions. 

So... I guess the first step in changing the negative thoughts is to be able to recognize them. Then challenge them. Then replace them.

Easier said than done. 

Yikes..I feel like this feature could get pretty boring, pretty quickly. 

Hang in there. We'll get to the more festive therapy stuff soon!

The therapy where I make you look in a mirror and say "You are a sexy creature" over and over.  That's coming, trust me. 

Lori Ann

It goes like this

A concept that I teach a lot of my clients is what I call "filling your bucket".  Which means doing things that are rejuvenating for you, that fill you with joy, that make you deep down happy- so that they will serve as a sort of emotional reserve to get you through tough times. 

A few things lately that have filled my bucket:

Moving a piano with my dad and siblings. As a family we did a lot of things together growing up-delivering newspapers, helping my mom close down the pizza hut at night, bagging groceries for everyone in front of us in line, plus a million more things. Doing things with my siblings with my dad barking out orders brings me back to a happy place from my childhood. All that was missing today was Eri:(

Then later, Danielle and I played Heart and Soul on the piano. It was so fun and it made us hope that Elly and Katy will be doing the same kind of thing 30 years from now. 

Watching Elly play soccer. She scored 3 goals today! You can see how happy it makes her and that makes me so happy. Sitting on the side of that field, with my nieces and nephews, on a chilly Pennsylvania fall day is pretty close to my idea of heaven.

one of my favorite fall pictures from last year

I had a 'bucket list' lunch with some of my coworkers this past week. I brought subway and we all met for an hour and talked about our life goals. It was me, our medical secretary, our office manager, a nurse practitioner and the psychiatrists kept popping in and out. It makes me happy to work in a place where I feel supported and where I can support others.

Dave and I took the kids to see "Free birds" last night at this weird little cheap theater in the town next to us. Kind of a boring movie (for me) but seeing the kids squabbling over seats and trading candy and laughing through the movie made me deep down happy. 

Working out. I still dread it, I'm not going to lie. But leaving the gym, feeling my muscles burning, knowing that I'm going to be sore the next day- it's rejuvenating and makes me feel like I can do anything in the world.

Tomorrow I am going to make the whole family Sunday dinner and do my visiting teaching and go walking and go to church and I think it will fill my bucket enough to get me through the long week ahead:) 

Anyway, I hope you; dear readers, are doing things that fill your bucket. 

Lori Ann

You worry too much

You guys,

My coworkers know about this blog now. 

Yikes.

I'm probably going to jail.

Maybe I will be fired. 

They will know that I am crazy

They are going to be so jealous of my insanely awesome life:) 

Lori Ann

p.s.- The packages OFFICIALLY went out today. I've got tracking numbers and everything. I bet all of Australia is finding it hard to sleep tonight:!!  (or this morning..or whatever time it is there)

p.p.s.- I told my father that I was going to punch him in the face today. Should I be insulted that he laughed? 

p.p.s.- When I told my mom I had diagnosed myself with anxiety she was like "I don't know, honey. You seem kind of manic to me." That's right. She called me bipolar. Wait until I tell my therapist... :) 

The one who catches all your tears

Random Life Updates

I no longer need to wear makeup. (which I do AT LEAST once a year)- I can just photo shop it on later. I added blush and eyeliner to the above picture. Pretty sweet, eh?

I am now running two different sessions of group therapy at my job every week. One for teens and one for adults. Yikes. Sometimes I just want to go in and sit and see if someone else will run it. That would be nice.

I wished so hard that I could leave from work today and go play soccer with Elly. Because I want it to keep being fall and I want to keep playing with her in the backyard forever. (except when she kicks the ball at my head and laughs)

As I may have mentioned previously on this blog, I like to diagnose myself. Call it a side effect of having diagnosed literally thousands of people at this point. I see so much mental illness in myself. (I also wonder if my self diagnoses are legally binding-since I am authorized by the state of Pennsylvania to diagnose mental illness)

Anyway- I've spun the wheel and decided that I am anxious. So, I decided to get myself on some anxiety meds. I've tried this once before and it was EPIC because I was neutral about everything. 

I was telling my sister Erin on the phone tonight about my meds and she was shrieking "you better get off those meds when I come home for Christmas. I don't want you all neutral and uncaring about everything!"

It was making me laugh. 

So, anyway, if the tone of this blog begins to change- like getting kind of an edgy, angry, apathetic vibe- now you know why.

It's probably uncomfortable for people to read about whatever mental illness I've diagnosed myself with and the meds I'm taking. I'm losing the ability to separate my work and non work self.

I was hiking around Valley Forge the other day with my former intern Laura and her roommate and I was telling them (in way too loud a voice) about the sex homework I give couples who are struggling with their love life. 

On a completely unrelated side note- NEVER google 'sex homework'. 

Anyway, I was thinking about starting to go by 'L'. 

Because I love the name "Elle" and I can justify using it. My name starts with an L. 

Any thoughts?

L. Ann

I keep falling

Lori Ann

You've moved on

I am so excited for the progress I've made in the last year or so. This is the difference between me at my
highest weight to now. I still have about 100 lbs to lose but I feel so much better.

Two of the things that have made me the happiest about losing weight have been:
1. My skin is so much clearer. I think this is related to giving up soda. I kinda love my skin now.
2. Someone told me that I looked just like my mom. I'd rather be compared to my mom than any supermodel on Earth. She is gorgeous.

If I can keep going and make long lasting healthy life choices and really get moving with my exercise, I wonder where I could be in one year from now?

Lori Ann