Watch out boy

Ok, so...

Reading my mission journal has been awesome but mildly depressing. 

I was obsessed with losing weight back then and never really did. 

So, that fixation has been going on for A LONG TIME.

And I've kind of plateaued in the last 3-4 months, going up and down the same 5 lbs.

Some might say it's because I've lost focus with exercise and have been eating like it's my job.

"Some" being my nutritionist and all.

But what does she know, right?

ANYWAY-

I've been kind of depressed about this. 

But today I got a little boost of momentum. 

Two things...

I've been rummaging around in my storage bins looking for mission stuff for my October trip and finally deciding to scrapbook my Europe trip (7 years later) when I found these jeans!

 These were the jeans I wore at my heaviest and I BARELY fit in them. 

Like laying on the bed, praying and holding my breath barely. 

Sometimes I forget how far I've come. 

My dad put it in good perspective.

 He said "You've gone like 70 percent...it's just that last 30 you've got to knuckle down and finish" 

30% feels a lot more doable than 70-80 lbs. 

And the second thing....

I was hit on at the gas station.

 I was only there on the Sabbath for emergency purposes. 

(NOT a peppermint patty, I swear!) 

Anyway, the clerk- MAX- (a younger, Indian man with pompadour hair) says, as I am checking out "I really like your car".... 

I turn in confusion to the parking lot, wondering if he realizes I drive a 2001 Chevy Malibu.

 With chipping paint. 

But there are no other cars in the lot. 

He then says (with almost a wink, I swear!) "My name is Max, what is yours?"

 Then he proceeds to ask me if I live nearby and shakes my hand and tells me how he is originally from Manhattan. 

In such a slimy way.

I was literally staring at him like a deer in headlights.

I picked up my peppermint patty..uh...emergency important stuff and was like "Yeah...well, welcome to Quakertown" and ran out. 

Adding to the confusion in all this was my outfit.

I was wearing my official cleaning clothes- a bleach stained black t-shirt with a sports bra and cut off black sweats.

 I was partially covered in flour (from making bread) and I know I was sweating because I'd just been in my hot room, rummaging through storage. 

My hair was in it's usual half falling out, lumpy ponytail. 

So, not my sexiest look. 

But apparently you can't resist this kind of hotness, no matter how it comes packaged.

 Max is proof of that. 

And now I have official cougar street cred. 

Yeah, son! 

Lori Ann

Official Cougar 

p.s.- If I turn up murdered, you might want to start the search at the BP in Quakertown...

The past is now another land

*Warning: Long, slightly rambling post...ok, extremely rambling*

Faithful readers of this blog (hey, you two!) know that I kind of go from obsession to obsession.

I'll spend a month blogging about crafting. 

Then half marathon training.

Then my cat.

Then making soup in pumpkins.

Then leaving my manifesto in random laundromats.

And repeat. 

Without pesky things like children and responsibility to tie me down, I am free to get obsessed with random things and torture all of you with my thoughts and feelings!

Well, this month's obsession is

 THE MISSION!

It has been so cool working with the sisters in our branch and it's brought both fond and crazy memories of my own missionary service. 

So, to honor this month's obsession- pictures from the mission! 

(Two intro pictures and then a chronology of my companionships!)

As always..

Let's do this dance! 

 I can't remember why I was always setting things on fire.

 But my mission involved a lot of fire.

 And even more diet coke. 

Side note: Sister Mietzner (my last companion) always lent me this skirt. 

I loved it. 

After she passed away, I sent her mom a card and some pictures and stories I had about her.

 Her mom then sent me this skirt.

 I am going to send it with my nieces on their missions. 

 Other than fire and diet coke the mission involved a lot of knocking on doors.

 Sometimes hours and hours a day. 

This door says "If you have come to talk about your religion or sell something, please don't knock on the door, thanks" :) 

So those three things pretty much sum up my mission: 

Fire, diet coke, and knocking on doors. 

And now..the companionship countdown!!!

 Companion Number 1

 Winsor 

She was from Canada. 

She may have escalated the already existing mental illness I had prior to the mission.

 But at the end of our missions, we had so much fun together. 

 Companion 2- my "trainer" 

(the person who teaches you how to be a missionary in the area you are serving in)

The infamous Hermana Monterroso

She spoke very little English and she was tough- like crazy tough.

In my mission journal I remark frequently that she wouldn't let me stop to use the bathroom because we had to keep working. 

 But she remains to this day one of the funniest people I have ever met. 

These are companions 3 and 4. 

I can't find separate pictures with them, although I know I have many. 

First is 

Tyler. 

(the middle one)

 She was my companion during what felt like the hottest summer of my life.

Anyone that knows me knows that I HATE summer. 

I was so miserable for most of the time we were together because we had to be out in the heat every day.

 But she was so patient and kind.

She is the one I probably talk to the most since the mission.

I can't wait to see her! 

 The blond next to her is companion number 4

 Hendricks.

 Hendricks could make me laugh and make me scream sometimes. 

 She had strange rituals (virgen de guadalupe candle!), looked a life and religion from a bigger perspective than I could appreciate at the time and I learned a lot from her. 

The three of us became companions again. 

In what is called a 'threesome'. 

Perhaps not as exciting as a real threesome.

 (although I've counseled a lot of people on their sexual issues and and apparently the threesome is overrated- just in case you were considering it:)

ANYWAY- these two made me laugh SO HARD. 

We spent 8 hours in church every Sunday because we were covering English and Spanish branches.

 You haven't lived until you've spent 8 hours in church. 

For like 28 weeks in a row.  

Companion 5

 Badger.

 (the tall one in the back with glasses)

 I know the gracious thing to do would be to find the positives but it's been almost 13 years and just seeing her picture gives me the chills.

 We did NOT get along. 

FOR EVEN ONE SECOND.

 We got in fights in the street, got in yelling matches. 

About stuff like prophets and how to pronounce the word God in spanish.

(it's THEE- OHS in case you were wondering. The D makes a 'th' sound)

The one fun memory I have is when we got lost in these cornfields at night (driving) and ended up in Indiana (before GPS and cell phones) and had to stop at this creepy little farmhouse to get directions.

 The thought of possibly being murdered bonded us together for one night :) 

Companion 6

Dalley

 I have never met anyone like Sister Dalley.

 She was the most relentlessly kind person I have ever met.

 She was a nurse and a former Miss Utah pageant contestant. 

She taught me how to do my hair, wear makeup, etc.

 She also taught me what true charity is. 

Companion number 7- my last companion-

 Mietzner 

(The one in blue)

 As I mentioned earlier, Sister Mietzner passed away when she was 26.

 We struggled as companions at times. 

I think I was ready to go home and she was depressed.

(and it was summer again so I was too!)

 But she made me laugh, showed me kindness, and kept me focused at the end of a long mission. 

She used to put on this green face mask and sneak up and scare me.

 She hated the sound of the turn signal and encouraged me to never use it.

 I think about her every day, especially when I am in a turning lane.

 I can hear her saying "You don't need your blinker- you are in a turning lane-

 Everyone knows you are turning!"

I know this has been a long post. 

I could honestly write a million posts about my mission. 

Probably the single most life changing event I have ever experienced. 

As I've continued to read my mission journal I've realized that I miss things about the mission.

Not the work or the enforced 24 hour a day companionships. 

I do NOT miss those AT ALL.

But I miss the sense of purpose and the absolute trust and faith that I had to place in God every single day. 

Maybe Heavenly Father led me to this current 'obsession' to remind me of the importance of drawing closer unto Him.

Who knows?

But I am so excited to see some of these girls in just a few weeks!

Chicago sisters rock!!

Lori Ann

We went away that day

The Mission Journal.
I am going to have to burn this thing before my political career 

Oh my gosh

So, my former mission companion, Sister Tyler (whose actual name is Shannon Brewer but I acknowledge neither first names, nor married names!) told me that she had read her mission journal and so, of course, in true lemming fashion, that inspired me to read mine. 

I've been dragging that thing around with me for the last 10 years or so and, beyond a brief glance here and there, never read it at all. 

HOLY. HANNAH.

It is the craziest thing I have ever read. 

Actual excerpt from this crazy beast of a journal

I am about 9 months into my mission journal (which means there is still half the mission to go) and I can't stop laughing, shrieking, and shaking my head in disgust. 

Some of the central themes that have emerged so far:

Weight loss

Every single page is filled with my various weight loss schemes.

 Everything from the cabbage soup diet to "I'm just going to stop eating".

 Yikes.

 Some things never change, it seems. 

Countdowns to the end

 Apparently my entire mission was a slowly ticking clock.

 And I record the agonizing progress on every page. "Only 477 more days to go" or "I have exactly 42 Sundays left in the mission". 

I wish I had had the AA big book back then and learned "one day at a time". 

Craziness

Ranting about my companions

 Good heavens. 

I was angry.

 And COMPLETELY unbalanced.

 I make a lot of dramatic, offended references to "My companions think I am the problem". 

 Oh...I was the problem.

 I was completely nuts. 

At some point, I call each and every one of my companions "EVIL" - in capital letters. 

The pictures (which I stole from a former companion) have all of companions but one. They are- in order: Winsor, Monterroso, Tyler, Hendricks, Badger, Dalley, and Mietzner
(my least favorite companion is the one that is not in these pictures- she really WAS evil)

Vague references to the actual mission work

Oh..the evil one is featured in these pictures. As well as my ill advised perm. 

This thing reads like the diary of a 13 year old serial killer that is being made to share religious thoughts and bake cookies for the Hispanic people of Illinois against her will. 

In a skirt. 

Here are the best quotes so far...

"If she snuffles one more time, I am going to scream!"

"I can just see her 20 years from now, married, with 3 kids, still belching and with an even bigger mustache than she has now"

"My trainer is a Nazi whose only joy in life apparently is telling me what to do"

"Today was a long day and she wouldn't let me stop to use the bathroom"

"I feel liberated from the beast and sorry for her trainer"

"She was mad at me because I wouldn't talk to the doctor about the rectal infection she has"

"Little kids were making fun of my Spanish today" 

(I say this a lot. Apparently my Spanish was REALLY bad for REALLY long time) 

"DING-DONG the witch is gone! I feel liberated from her tyranny" 

And my favorite...

"Today I woke up angry"

I think I wrote that like 100 times.

Anyway, I know this really won't make sense to anyone or be funny, except to people who were there. 

But it's been really interesting and eye opening to go back through my mission and see the world from the perspective of 21 year old Lori. 

In closing, if I could go back I would do it again... just with a heavy xanax prescription and a warning letter I handed to every new companion alerting them to my complete mental instability :) 

Lori Ann

(The legit craziest sister from the infamous Chicago, Ill mission!)

Losing my religion

These are our sister missionaries

. The three of the far left are OUR sisters- Milford West- and the two on the right (of the girl in the gray shorts) are the other side of Milford- Milford East.

It has been insanely awesome having sisters in our branch again.

 And to have 5 is incredible.

I am so excited for my nieces to see girls serving missions. 

I have been doing missionary work for the FIRST time since my mission. 

(Well, I think I've done a random thing here or there but nothing steady)

We haven't even necessarily been that family that has the missionaries over to eat.

Which is sad.

But this group of sisters will NOT let you just rest on your laurels and do nothing. 

They want you to be excited about being Mormon and excited for missionary opportunities.

I have been teaching a Hispanic man with them on Saturday nights.

And teaching the sisters Spanish phonically.

They came to our house for dinner last night and were making me laugh.

It was one of the sister's birthdays and I had gotten her a cake from Walmart (store bought, represent!) and I was telling them how the cake decorator thought she was making decorating it for a nun and decorated it extra fancy.
(because it said "Happy Birthday, Sister B!")

It was epic.

And then...

They made the mistake of saying "Show us some stuff from your mission, Sister Hinsdale"

I told them they should never open that door with a returned missionary!

Which all brings us to a returning segment from blog posts post

THIS DAY IN MISSION HISTORY!!

Here we go, people!!

On August 28th, 2001 (holy hannah I am old) I was companions with Sister Tyler.

 This was our planner that week.

 Just know that if there is any blank spaces, we were out tracting. 

(knocking on people's doors to talk about God)

This was my mission journal entry from that day.

(Ignore my weird feet at the bottom of the page)

I was talking about how tired I was and how hard the mission was and also apparently counting down the hours until my mission was over and until my birthday. So inspiring, I know. 

I haven't ever read my mission journal.

I might make that a project this weekend.

Working with these sisters has kind of brought back my missionary spirit.

Here is to many more "THIS DAY IN MISSION HISTORY" to come!

Lori Ann

(the former Hermana Hinsdale)

p.s.- Here are some odd cat pictures for your viewing pleasure

 Hobsey (aka the ginger cat) snuck over to our house. 

I had to lock Sugar out because they were chasing each other around the entertainment center in a non friendly, let's all just get to know each other and have fun kind of way. 

Whenever I look at this picture I think "The student has become the master!"

It's Thomas. 

Sitting like a human being in the upstairs by the linen closet.

 I immediately thought of REM- "That's me in the corner."

The sisters loved Thomas. 

They kept wondering how he got so fat.

He didn't say it out loud but I think he was mildly offended.

 He hid it behind a brave show of apathy and sleeping. 

It's a broken hallelujah

Ok, it's 4 days post marathon and I am stuck at home for the day. 

So, it feels like the right time to regale you with more stories of half marathon martyrdom!

Let's do this thing!

Do NOT be fooled by the cheerful name of this half marathon.

 I did not, at any point on the course, feel perked up. 

Also there was no caffeine provided.

 I had to bring my own. 

(I had the following things shoved into my sport bra: my car keys, a 5 hour energy thing, a container with baindaids and ibuprofen, and a partridge in a pear tree) 

Classy, right?

(Aspiring half marathoners should be taking notes right now!)

This is the bridge you cross at the start of mile 12.

 I have vague memories of this one.

 I was still feeling that strange 'being one with the Earth' feeling at this point. 

So, if you are my facebook friend you've already been subjected to this picture.

 My sister actually reported it to facebook as being 'abusive' and pornographic.

 She is so crazy.

I was seeing my doctor for a med check last night  and she was NOT IMPRESSED with what I had done to my feet. 

And speaking of meds, I'm mostly on the same ones.

They're really getting to that good place of making me feel neutral about everything. 

I love the kind of apathetic, 'everything's good' kind of feeling I get :) 

Aren't you happy I keep you updated on my mental health meds? 

It's because I talk to people all day about their meds. 

I don't have a filter anymore. 

I was telling my friend Michele (who is always right about everything) the other day that I was going to come to her office and pour 75 klonopin in my hand and yell "do you think this will kill me?" 

Not for any other reason but to annoy her! 

I also sent her my Penn Foundation "Top 5 hottest and Top 5 LEAST hot" lists yesterday. 

She keeps doing this thing she calls "working". 

I don't like it. 

ANYWAY

This the best part of this whole post!

I was going to put my sneakers away this morning and saw these socks from the halfie.

I realized my feet had started bleeding DURING the half marathon.

If that doesn't qualify me for total athletic martyrdom, I don't know what does. 

This picture has nothing to do with the rest of the post.

It was just a cool sunset picture I took on my way home from work the other night.

Because I take pictures and drive.

Like a responsible citizen. 

Ok, I pledge to not talk about this half marathon again. 

But we've got the Philly Half Marathon coming up in 3 months. 

Be ready!

Lori Ann

Straight to the top

Here it is. 

The post you've all been waiting for. 

My second half marathon.

Aka 'the one where I almost died'

or

'the worst and hilliest course on Earth'

Let's do this thing!

 My number.

 I'd like to say that I came in 38th place.

 But I didn't.

 For this illustrious half marathon I came in LAST.

 Now I can cross that off my bucket list

 My feet wrapped up pre-marathon. Sexy, right?

 The all important pre-race meal.

 My favorite part is the chocolate milk in the star wars mug. 

 My dad took this photo. 

Then told me "Don't do anything idiotic".

 Sometimes he is so inspiring it brings tears to my eyes 

 The starting line.

 Where I felt the usual pre-race nausea and extreme regret. 

 Somewhere along the trail.

 I wish I had time to take a million pictures because it was so beautiful.

 But that last place spot isn't going to win itself- I had to stay focused. 

 I wonder how many other racers I intimidated with this kind of sexiness?? :) 

 And THIS is the result of no training.

 I could feel this by mile 3.

 NEVER NEVER NEVER do a half marathon unless you've been training ALL THE WAY up to it.

 Or your feet will look like this :) 

My two half marathon medals!! 

Two down...hopefully many more to come. 

I would do a stream of conscious breakdown of every mile but I think we've all suffered enough in the lead up to this thing. 

I will say that around mile 10 I began to feel really at one with the Earth and thought about laying next to this corn silo. 

And my mom walked the last mile with me again and I kept accusing her of lying to me because she would say "The finish line is just up there" and it WASN'T. 

 (I am a grateful and gracious daughter)

This thing was not for the faint of heart. The hills were NUTS.

But hey, life is a challenge or nothing at all, right?

Lori Ann

2 time half marathoner

High on a mountaintop

Random Day Before the Half Marathon Updates

 I went and got my race bib and "goody bag" today.

 Do not be fooled by the term "goody bag"- it's a hodgepodge of hand sanitizer, strange coupons and other weirdness.

I did have the misfortune of realizing, once I got there, that this is quite a 'hilly' course.

 The registration lady said "Some people won't touch this because of how hilly it is".

 The race t-shirt actually says "Hill Master" on it. 

HOLY HANNAH.

This was NOT the halfie to half heartedly train for. 

(And by 'half heartedly' I mean- NOT AT ALL)

This one is going to kill me. 

My parents have already graciously offered to support me if I don't think I am up for it. 

But there is just this weird voice in my head that says "You have to do this, Lor" 

We'll see what happens. 

ANYWAY

 This the the Party Store.

 We lived just down the street from this thing when we were in Michigan and it's still there!!

 Sadly, when I lived here, liquor prices were not at the state minimum.

 Dang it. 

 My mom and my aunt Karen.

 I congratulated them on being the two women who took the infamous Hinsdale brothers off the market.

 They both stated that they would be happy to put them back on the market :) 

 Speaking of which... my dad and his brother. 

It's SO SO odd to see my dad in the role of younger brother.

 I heard people calling him "Little Davey". 

My dad. 

The man whom I see as a Darth Vador-esque, all powerful figure...being called "Little Davey"

. It was SO INTERESTING.

 (Do you see how they have the same hands? My grandpa had those hands!)

The really cool thing was that my Uncle Don said that I looked a lot like his mom.

 My grandmother. 

No one has ever said that to me before.

 A random ancestor.

 I've never heard of Eben Sparhawk but now I will have to research him. 

I like the name Eben. 

My dad and like 8 of his 11 first cousins on his dad's side. 

It was interesting, surreal, and eye opening to go to Michigan. 

I identify so strongly with Pennsylvania and always think of this as home that I forget that half of my DNA and half of my heritage comes from Michigan.

 Most of my dad's family lives there still. 

It doesn't call to me at all though. 

When I was in France, Belgium, and even just flying over Ireland, I could feel a tie.

 Like I always say it felt like I place I had been before and had only forgotten.

Michigan doesn't feel that way to me. 

I don't know why.

Anyway, wish me luck on the HILL MASTER tomorrow. 

Next update will be post marathon. 

Lori Ann

It's like I got this music

This is the Michigan Post you've all been waiting for.

The Family History Picture Wall Post.

You know how awesome your own family history is?

Now times that by one million and that's how exciting MY family history is going to be for you!

LETS

DO

THIS

THING! 

Various family pictures from my grandfather's youth

Let's go from the oldest on down...

My great-great grandfather Augustus

Then..

 My great great grandfather Elmer

I am going going to go ahead and say what we are all thinking...he's very handsome!

If thinking your great great grandfather is hot is wrong, I don't want to be..

Ok, ok..it's wrong.

ANYWAY

These two (above) are the fathers of these two...

My great grandparents.

 My dad's paternal grandparents.

Naomi and Ray.

Who looked quite delighted to be married that day.

Then on to....

My grandfather (Gordon- the one on the right) and his siblings.
(It was Bob's 90th birthday- the baby in the middle- that we were there to celebrate)

More of my Grandpa and his whole family

And more with my grandpa

I had never seen these pictures before this trip to Michigan.

It's so weird to get a glimpse into the life of someone who is so closely related- just one generation away- and who you never knew in any meaningful way.

I am glad that my sister's children won't have to learn the story of their grandparents in this same way.

(Not that there aren't many scandalous secrets of Terry and Dave to uncover!)

Thanks for indulging me in this trip down family history lane.

And I apologize for calling my great great grandfather hot.

Are you happy now?

Lori Ann Hinsdale

Daughter of the American Revolution

and granddaughter of some really interesting people 

Haters gonna hate hate hate

This post will start and end with a self indulgent selfie.

You are welcome.

This installment of the Michigan Series is called "Random Stuff that you won't find all the thrilling"

 Brace yourself to be moved to both laughter and tears.

This was me in the car.

Is it obvious that I am slowly dying on the inside?

It's always interesting driving from the East to the Midwest.

The land gets slowly flatter and flatter and there is so much corn.

Who is eating all of that corn?

Holy Hannah.

My mom and I.

I love that I am like a good foot taller than her.

Does anyone else feel a feeling of mild despair for the residents of places like Toledo?

I feel like it's where you end up when you've given up on all of your dreams.

My parents actively refused to pose for me.

They don't understand how important this blog and my instagram feed are to the world. :)

Erin kept me entertained throughout the trip.

This is just a sampling of the many texts exchanges that kept me from going over the edge and murdering my brother at a rest stop. 

We got Verner's soda as soon as we got there.

It's only available in Michigan.

Michigan also sells liquor in their grocery stores.

The Bourbon was right across from the capri suns.

That's got to be convenient for stay at home moms.

Give the kids their capri sun and put them in front of Dora.

Then have a few shots of the good stuff and send angry texts to your husband.

This was me, trying to look casual.

Like "Oh, just chilling in the bathroom of this hotel. Good moment for a selfie"

But this glamorous look wasn't casual.

It took me like 7 minutes.

There is a real person behind all this glitz and sparkle, people.  

Lori Ann