Sunday, August 22, 2010

And the sky is gray

I got out my pumpkin salt and pepper shakers today.

I don't care what the calender says, I am celebrating fall starting NOW.

I went back to the laundromat that I loved. I know, I know.. I have got to be fair to the other laundromats, but I wasn't ready to say goodbye to the "we have hot water" laundromat just yet.

I am going to a training for work tomorrow.
Some people go to Europe, others some far flung state.

 I will be traveling 40 miles to Winston Salem.

The short distance hasn't stopped me from contemplating a hotel room for the two day training!

My upstairs neighbors are fighting again.

 I don't know who I am siding with this time, because he gave up his entire *@!&$# family for her, and he doesn't ever #%#&*$ listen to her.

They both make a pretty good case.

In the next couple of weeks, I should be taking my LCSW state exam.

 It's times like this that I wish I were Catholic, because I am so nervous that I wish I had rosary beads to count...that's what you do with rosary beads, right?

Count them?

I am incapable of making a decent grilled cheese.

 Which is extra sad because they are my most favorite of all grilled sandwiches.

I'm baking brownies for my coworkers right now.

 Even though they told me that as the therapist I am "half clinician, half client".
Gosh, just because I keep trying to get them to have a staff slumber party, they act like I'm 14 or something;)

I miss my James.

As soon as he hits 10 or 11, he and I are hitting the road.

We are going to see the world together.

Lori Ann



Wednesday, August 18, 2010

We never talk of our lack in relationships


Today's topic

Facebook status updates.

I am coming to despise facebook.

I hate the mixture of completely fake status updates - from the fake perfection
"Making cookies with my little angels..its so magical"

to the self righteous "
Happy Vegetarians Day! I'm making tofu..and to all those little cows and chickens being slaughtered right now..I'm crying for you..we're going to change this world so we can all live in peace!"

 to the emo song lyrics
" When I was young, I knew everything, she a punk who never took advice, now I'm guilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor"

 to the cries for attention
 "I feel so alone..why doesn't anyone love me?" .

But of all these types of status updates,

I hate the self righteous the most.
Today, when I got home from work, I wanted to post this status update:

"Come on, single mothers (not all single mothers..just most of my client's mothers)..stop having kids with a loser dead beat dad. Or multiple loser dads.You can't cope as a single parent and your kids need a father figure..they are going buck wild and I have to deal with them all day at work"

According to unspoken facebook rules- this would not be an acceptable status update.
However, it was perfectly acceptable for one of my friends to write this status update:

"Nobody shop at Target! They hate gays!"

Why was one acceptable and one not?

Because everyone knows that corporations victimize homosexuals and they need to be called to task about it!!

If you don't agree with that, it's because you are ignorant and hateful.

However, it cannot be true that some women have children for the sole purpose of either trying to keep a man in a relationship or trying to get more assistance from the government and then dump said child off on their overly tired mothers, who, out of sheer exhaustion, let that child run wild.

Only an ignorant and hateful person would think that.

The sad reality is that I get to choose all of my friends on facebook. So, if someone is bothering me, I can always hide them or even defriend them..

But what would I complain about then?

Lori Ann

Post Edit
*I feel uncomfortable even having written this post, it is so ingrained in me that I shouldn't ever say anything that might be mildly offensive and I should always be super apologetic*

Monday, August 16, 2010

the place where I belong...


"It is good to feel lost... because it proves you have a navigational sense of where "Home" is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn't that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it."
~Erika Harris

I miss home.

 It's almost fall and I wish I were in Pennsylvania.

 I will miss the smell of burning leaves, the Mennonite candles in the window, the chilly wind, the old graveyards and stone houses, the feeling of being surrounded by falling leaves and American history.

Lori Ann

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Strange but not a Stranger

Today is my Dad's 60th birthday.

I got him a trip to London and Paris and 23 dollars in cash.

All he really wanted was socks.

This is a list of 60 things I feel, think, believe, and know about my dad. Some good, some bad, most just somewhere in the middle.

These are the things I want to remember.

1. We never called my dad "daddy", even as small children. It doesn't suit him at all.

2. My dad was a youngest child until he was 8, when his only sister was born.

3. My dad wanted my brother to be named Matthew, but my mom insisted on David Jr.

4. My dad has very particular taste in cheese. You'll never find cheap cheese at his house.

5. I've never met a man who I felt like stacked up in toughness next to my dad. I still feel like he could beat up any man on earth.

6. I don't lock my doors because of my dad. If we locked it, he would make us get up at 4 am (when he went to work) to unlock it and then give us a lecture on how poor people don't get robbed.

7. My dad knows all the backstreets in every town I have ever been in with him. Even in the town I live in.

8. My dad does a great Bill Murray in Caddyshack impression.

9. My dad was always late to pick us up for everything. Sometimes hours late.

10. I've very rarely (maybe 5-6 times in my whole life) heard my dad talk about an uncomfortable subject (i.e. sex, romance, race relations, etc)

11. My dad rarely talks about his own father, except to say that he was very cheap and that he didn't talk about his service in World War 2

12. My dad likes music traditionally favored by lesbians. I have often accused him of being a lesbian trapped in a man's body. *he hasn't denied it- for the record*

13. We used to watch the whole Ken Burns Civil War series during the holidays. That's like 16 hours of Civil War documentary, people.

14. I've never seen him wear a pastel.

15. I am kind of ambivalent about steak. Unless my dad makes it..then I LOVE it.

16. He doesn't like people to put constraints on his free time.

17. I don't look like my dad at all. In my opinion.

18. My dad had an asthma attack when my mom told him that she was pregnant with me. Maybe because my sister Erin was just 6 weeks old.

19. My dad used to play catch with us three girls, while my brother played star wars by himself in another part of the yard.

20. I think it would have been good for my dad to have more sons.

21. My dad used to watch the news line up every Friday night. I wish I could go back to that time and watch it with him.

22. My dad is fearless. The only one of his children who inherited this was my sister, Erin. The rest of us are actually somewhat timid people.

23. Any sympathy I get from my dad brings tears to my eyes. He is not one for doling out a lot of sympathy.

24. My dad is big into practical gifts. I think I got a magic bullet and crock pot from him for my last two birthdays.

25. When I didn't get accepted into the only college I applied to, he called and yelled at some poor guy at the admissions office.

26. It hasn't been until this past year..these past months even, that I stop trying to get his approval and attention through gifts, accomplishments, etc.

27. When I was staring up at the Sistine Chapel, I wished he had been there. I think it would have rendered him speechless, just as it did me.

28. I have known my dad for 30 years and yet, most of the time, I feel like I don't know who he really is.

29. I think I get my ability to survive from my mom, but I get any bravery that I have from my dad.

30. One day my dad told me he was tired of me reading trashy romance novels. He made me read "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck, in one day.

31. He may not have understood him that well, but my dad always was a strong advocate for and defender of my brother.

32. He and my mom's song is "Nights in White Satin". I have always thought it should be "When Doves Cry" by Prince. :)

33. My dad, when he works, works hard. He taught me that quality is more important than quantity or the bottom line.

34. I wish that he had taught me to play the guitar.

35. There is only one picture of me and my dad when I am young. It was taken the day I was born.

36. I love being driven somewhere by my dad. I feel completely safe.

37. My sister Erin always says that my dad is a 'wild stallion who was never meant to be tamed"

38. I call my dad when I am angry about my job. He is a great advice giver.

39. Whenever I watch those wedding shows, where the dad is saying "nothing is too good for my little girl" and spending buckets of money, I feel like I missed something. Then, my dad makes me his famous hamburger casserole for me to take home and I realize that I didn't.

40. My dad likes bands before they are famous. Like Nirvana. He was listening to them long before they became famous. "smells like teen spirit" is part of the soundtrack to my childhood.

41. My dad comes from Michigan. He does not, thankfully, have a Michigander accent.

42. Whenever I have lived at home during the winter, my dad has always shoveled my car out of the snow. He always does little things like that.

43. My dad is the lightest sleeper I know. This probably kept me safe in high school. I knew it was impossible to sneak out.

44. I wish I knew what my dad thought about my being born. Having another daughter. Or what he was thinking the day I went to kindergarten. Or the day I graduated high school.

45. I love the story my mom tells about my dad. About him making the ginger bread houses and how seeing him sprinkle powered sugar over them was like magic.

46. I would love to marry someone who would stay up all night making ginger bread houses for me.

47. I don't think that my dad finds me to be very interesting.

47. He is definitely, in his own way, one of the most spiritual people I know.

48. My dad has fought the law. And the law won.

49. I can see weird Dad qualities come through in my brother. Like that he is a meticulous painter.

50. I've begged and tried to bribe him to read Harry Potter, but he won't do it. Apparently he is reading his way through Shakespeare. Come on..that's an easy choice..Rowling over Shakespeare!

51. I have always been secretly glad to have bad eyesight, because it gave me glasses, just like my dad. It was something that I had, that none of my sisters or brother had. A bond.

52. When I talk about my dad, I tend to talk in circles.

53. No matter how the other characters shift around, in my brothers Star Wars games, my dad is always the Emperor.

54. He always made me think that I could do almost anything.

55. I've become more and more grateful for him as I have worked with my clients. I can't tell you how many times I have heard "I don't even know what my dad's name is".

56. I want to spend some time figuring out how I am like him, or something. Figuring out how to pass his legacy down to future generations.

57. He was named after an uncle. Which gives me hope that someone will name one of my nieces after me! (it's not too late, Grandmom May won't mind the change!)

58. I bet he's mentally checked out of this list long before here!

59. I would love to be able to send him to a ski chalet for a month, with only the occupation of skiing and laying by the fire at night:)

60. I hope he's got another 60 years. I can't imagine my life without my Dad.

 Happy Birthday, old man!!

Oreo

That make you who are you


People, I have resisted reading "the classics" for years. 

Anything and everything that would appear on a "Senior Year Suggested Reading List"

Booorrrrrrrrrrrrrring.

 Or so I thought.

In attempting to complete my goal of

reading the 100 greatest books of all time

I have had to immerse myself in some of those "boring" classics.

Pride and Prejudice

Huckleberry Finn

Don Quixote

The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson

I can't tell you how these books have changed me.

How these authors feel like old friends, who I had once known, but somehow forgotten.

I laughed my way through Huckleberry Finn.

 Twain is the FUNNIEST author I have ever read.

I cheered and cried my way through the ups and downs of the Bennet sisters in Pride and Prejudice.
 (and I still want to smack Lydia in the face!) 

Austen made me fall in love with love stories again.

Most of Emily Dickinson's poems are about nature.

 Or death. 

It was a months focused effort to read every one of her 1700 some poems. 

Amongst those I found this one- poem 156- my favorite poem of all time



You love me—you are sure—
I shall not fear mistake—
I shall not cheated wake—
Some grinning morn—
To find the Sunrise left—
And Orchards—unbereft—
And Dollie—gone!

I need not start—you're sure—
That night will never be—
When frightened—home to Thee I run—
To find the windows dark—
And no more Dollie—mark—
Quite none?

Be sure you're sure—you know—
I'll bear it better now—
If you'll just tell me so—
Than when—a little dull Balm grown—
Over this pain of mine—
You sting—again!

And Don Quixote.

 Who knew that a book written over 400 years ago could make me laugh like a crazy person, dream like I was young again, and be brave enough to publish my manifesto?

I realize now that these books are called classics for a reason

Not all of them have been a delight
(I'm looking at you, Farewell to Arms!)

but I'm a better person for having read each one.

I still have over 80 books to go.

 Amongst them: the Collected Works of Shakespeare, War and Peace, and Great Expectations.

Having gained so much from these few that I have read, I can only imagined how enriched my life will be after reading the rest.

I think I've failed miserably in my quest to make this blog post NOT sound like some sort of high school lecture on the importance of reading.

 Sorry.


Lori Ann

p.s. Today is my Dad's 60th birthday.

 I would write him a blog tribute, but he doesn't read my blog. Happy Birthday anyway, Dad!

You are the best.

Friday, August 13, 2010

If I go crazy...



He acabado de leer el libro de Don Quixote.

Era uno de los libros más interesantes que he leído.

Me ha cambiado.

Quiero buscar aventura, y no esperar hasta que la vida me ha pasado.

Gracias, caballero asombroso, por me ayudando ver el mundo en una manera diferente.

Lori Ann

p.s. My spanish has gone to heck in a hand basket. Pay no mind!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Random Random


Do you think telling your clinical supervisor that you wrote a manifesto and put it in a bunch of laundromats is a good career move?
(hypothetically speaking, of course)

Why does everything taste better if I make it in my dad's kitchen?

 Its like some of his cooking magic is in the air and everything tastes better.

Two weeks until Mockingjay comes out.

Gale or Peeta?

 If I can't decide, how will Katniss be able to?

I just realized last week that I am going to miss Jack-Jack's baptism.

 But you know what I won't miss out on??

 Holding his little feet to the fire..you're accountable now, Jackie!!

I am this close to finishing Don Quixote.

 If I finish it tonight, I will put my review up.

Then on to Dante's Inferno...

I keep changing everything on this blog. the header, the font, the colors..I keep experimenting, because I want to get it just right:)

I always thought that my sister's children got their blue blue eyes from Jack, but look!

 They have the same eyes:)

One of my clients thinks she might be possessed.

 I should add " perform an exorcism" to my life goal list.

My sister Erin told me that they are splitting the Deathly Hallows movies where Voldemort gets the Elder Wand.

 3 months and 1 week to go..

Whoever does the Netflix recommendations must be getting high and then just spinning some kind of wheel.

 Although I did see a crazy low budget movie with Jane Lynch playing a drunken housewife.

SO funny.

Lori Ann