If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

These are what I like to call "end of the world" clouds. I haven't been in a hurricane in years. If I don't make it, tell lots of exaggerated stories of my greatness!

On a sad note, today I found out that Henry is being transferred to another department. All of the plans I made- the Jane Austen movie parties, the BFF shopping trips, the spying on hot Amish boys- they will never be realized.

Oh Henry.

My blog title is a tribute to him. He loves Oscar Wilde.

Lori Ann

I'll make it to the moon

I've learned a lot of lessons in my life.

Don't get a credit card if you don't have a job.

Don't wear heels if you don't know what you're doing.

Don't lend money to friends.

Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Today; however, I learned another powerful life lesson, which I would be remiss if I did not share with you.

Never try to magic erase your own skin.

Oh yes, no matter how much of a good idea it seems like in the moment- your skin will end up looking like this.

and; for those of you who follow my hairstyle and fashion choices religiously, here is the new hair:)

And this is why I don't put many pics on this blog. I look totally insane!!

Lori Ann

He's running in slow motion again

Random Thoughts Tuesday Night/Early Wednesday Morning

I completely missed the Earthquake. Although I plan to tell increasingly grand stories about my experience in it.

This week I have so many more reasons to hate Henry (my work partner): he had girl scout cookies at his reception, he wore suspenders, he lives in a magically quaint Colonial townhouse, and he allegedly has a 6 slot industrial toaster. He's living my dream life, damn it! Tonight, when we left work, he was going home to a romantic dinner with champagne. I was going home to peach jam.

Now that I've chopped my hair, I keep seeing girls with long, beautiful hair. Oh well. It's a good thing I am super fabulous with or without hair.

I have realized that there was one thing I loved about the South, without ever realizing it. The traffic. I was never ONCE in a traffic jam in North Carolina. I have been in one DAILY here.

I wish I were more glib. This blog should be one snappy one liner after another. Prepare for more glibness in the near future:)

Honey badger don't care. Honey Badger takes what it wants= Best Youtube video since the bed intruder.

Lori Ann

The closer I am to fine

Another item crossed off my Life Ambition List!

Lori Ann

I'm bringing sexy back

Battle # 1 in the official "War not to be Henry's frumpy sidekick"

I've got these same shoes in green too. So, yeah..I'm prepared for every contingency.

I figure this time next year, I will be lacing up my hooker boots with six inch stilettos and adjusting my (garment approved) mini dress.

Boo-yah.

Lori Ann

You have knocked me off my feet again

Dude,

My life becomes more and more like a fairly uninteresting soap opera every day.

Today I sufferred the torment of the..well..tormented... when I realized that I will never be able to compete with my work partner. He is well dressed, articulate, funny, and he has a Coach man's bag.

I am officially his frumpy sidekick.

This commute is killing me. KILLING ME. 58.8 miles each way.

On the bright side, I am completely motivated to get an apartment, ASAP.

I saw the Amish today.

My sister has been recommending Amish romances to me for a while. Trying to lure me away from my trashy novels, I guess. She would be pleased to hear that I read my first Amish romance yesterday. It was epic. There was only one poorly written kiss at the end. (Correct me if I am wrong, but no kissing scene in a book should use the words "spit" and "saliva" more than 6 or 7 times, right?)

You guys, if Henry (my work partner) tells me he can teach me how to do my makeup again, should I laugh? Or is it ok to start crying??

Lori Ann

Where all of the walls all continually change

It's my dad's birthday again.

61 this year.

I write him a blog tribute every year not because he reads them (he doesn't) but because I don't want to leave things unsaid. And even if he doesn't read it, I know I've gotten the opportunity to say it.

So, without further ado...

61 Thanks to my Father on his 61st birthday.

(I grant you all a pass on this one..I'm sure it's not exciting reading material for many of you)

61. Thanks for teaching me about WW II when I fell in love with that Billy Joel song "Leningrad"

60. Thanks for driving me all the way to Kennett Square for my job interview last month.

59. Thanks for all the hours spent playing catch.

58. Thanks for teaching me to be brave (about most things)

57. Thanks for making me watch that Ken Burns Civil War documentary every Thanksgiving for years.

56. Thanks for always talking mom into letting us have cats

55. Thanks for encouraging me to serve a mission

54. Thanks for coming to North Carolina for Christmas last year

53. Thanks for helping me both move in and move out of my apartment

52. Thanks for working so that mom could be a stay at home mom for a couple of years.

51. Thanks for always making us oatmeal with brown sugar on snow days

50. Thanks for teaching me everything I know about politics

49. Thanks for telling me your favorite memories of Paris

48. Thanks for teaching me to drive

47. Thanks for teaching me the importance of integrity

46. Thanks for coming with Steve and towing my car back from Oxford that one summer

45. Thanks for getting me unlost from countless places.

44. Thanks for being the grandpa that we never really had.

43. Thanks for taking me to Musikfest to see Hootie and the Blowfish

42. Thanks for coming to see Shakira with me

41 . Thanks for overindulging the cats. It makes me happy.

40. Thanks for always dropping me off and picking me up at the door.

39. Thanks for making the best ribs ever!

38. Thanks for raising me to be an Eagles fan and for letting me always watch the game with you.

37. Thanks for Saturday night Disney family movies nights.

36. Thanks for not yelling when I crashed your car.

35. Thanks for coming to all of my graduations, from South Jersey, to Idaho, to Philadelphia.

34. Thanks for always giving me advice, even if I didn't always heed it.

33. Thanks for being an example of what to do; and sometimes what NOT to do.

32. Thanks for all the "Peachy/Bugs" wars

31. Thanks for letting me stay with you whenever I decide to make a career/location change

30. Thanks for making me the best tomato soup/grilled cheese combos ever

29. Thanks for keeping all the crappy clay stuff I've ever made you

28. Thanks for teaching me how to work

27. Thanks for introducing me to the Qmart at a young age.

26. Thanks for telling me that I could do anything I wanted to do

25. Thanks for telling me the meaning of the song "Hotel California"

24. Thanks for coming to Chicago to get me as a surprise

23. Thanks for sending me that one Easter package with the empty candy wrappers, with written messages about how good the candy had been

22. Thanks for making me feel like their is almost anything I could talk to you about without fear of judgement

21. Thanks for always telling me that the recommended dosage doesn't apply to Hinsdales:)

20. Thanks for being the reason I know that my self worth has to be derived from what I think about myself

19. Thanks for still being married to my mom after almost 36 years

18. Thanks for taking away our tv; helping to foster my life long love of reading

17. Thanks for teaching me to think for myself

16. Thanks for taking my hyped up phone calls on election night

15. Thanks for helping me not freak out when Erin got my car towed:)

14. Thanks for always letting me ask you a million questions

13. Thanks for always having the answer

12. Thanks for always doing your Bill Murray Caddyshack impression for me.

11. Thanks for taking me prom dress shopping

10. Thanks for providing me with the best siblings I could have ever asked for

9. Thanks for taking us to Tom's for pizza and making the pizza in front of us. I was always so impressed with how you could throw the dough and catch it.

8. Thanks for leaving me everything in your will...*hint, hint*

7. Thanks for teaching me to call assorted government agencies and oil production companies "thieving bastards" under my breath all the time

6. Thanks for the "fridge pig" incident. It still makes me laugh to think about it

5. Thanks for coming up with elaborate plans to scare us kids. Those are some of my favorite childhood memories.

4. Thanks for defending Junior against those kids at Dublin Village

3. Thanks for not really being a porn star

2. Thanks for helping me get my car inspected

1. Thanks for being there. In my job, I see so many kids without a dad. I am aware of what a great blessing it is to have a father in my life.

Happy Birthday, old man.

Your youngest daughter,

Oreo