You are my candy

So...

Today is Sugar's birthday. 

I have no idea when she was actually born, but it was probably around this time and I like the idea of her celebrating her birth on the same day that we celebrate another of our great animal friends- the Groundhog!

My favorite line from Groundhogs Day is "Don't drive angry". I always like the most obscure quotes. "I can see that you're serving drinks" is my favorite Star Wars line and "I've worked for the private sector. They expect results" is my favorite line from Ghost Busters. 

Anyway

 I was going to write a sentimental post about how much happiness the Sugar cookie has brought to my life and yada, yada but then I saw this. 

She has placed herself in the corner. (next to the drywall of all things)

So odd.

I think this is God's way of warning me never to have actual children.

If this is what I get with a cat, who knows what kind of devil creatures I would give birth to?

Anyway,

I have gotten 21 of the 24 items on my weekend to do list done. 

But I'm staying up until they are all done. 

And it might be a snow day tomorrow which means I can get even MORE done. 

I don't know what I am going to do when I get everything done.

 Everything I've had in the back of my mind for months (or years). 

What do people do when they are all caught up?

Is this when I take up golf?

Or recreational pot use?

Is pot use ever not recreational?

I'm not smoking now, I swear. 

Lori Ann

Forever could never be long enough

There have been a lot of important things going on in my life. 

Important like chili cook off victory, teaching my nieces to apply make up street walker style, making strange stuff for my friends, and random mental health diagnoses. 

Michele and I won second place in the chili cook off- let's start there. 

There were nine competitors. We were number 7. Our chili was called "Aunt Annie's Wild Chili Surprise" 

The surprise was that it was just chili. Cool, eh?

Here it is. Right next to "Flaming Freud's Chili"

Made by one of our psychiatrists, Diana.  She is the one who has been George Clooneying me.  Look at her apron!

Anyway- we totally won fair and square. There was none of the following involved in our victory: 

My dad actually making the chili.

Socially pressuring our coworkers to vote for us.

Voting multiple times. 

Absolutely NONE of that occurred. Nope. 

On to the next topic. 

Making weird Valentines Day crafts for my friends. Especially my new BFF- Michele.

 My niece keeps talking about her two BFFs at school and I always tell her about Michele. 

Michele listens to me whine. (I send her minimum 20 emails a day. 19 of them are me whining) 

Michele pushes me out of my comfort zone. ("Lori- you run social skills group therapy. You have to socialize")

Michele is going to hook me up with her hair dresser AND tattoo artist.  

The least I can do is make her weird craft gifts and leave my almonds in her office. 

Sugar is my crafting assistant 

Now that this blog is private, I have been kind of breaking my promise to my sister not to put her kids out there on the Internet. I hope none of you are pervs. Well, not that kind of perv, anyway.You can be an appropriate perv if you want. 

I love watching my nieces and nephews sleeping. They look like the baby versions of themselves and its so magical. 

Speaking of betrayal, look who is lounging with my parents! 

The previously mentioned classy make up. 

I know this post was all over the place. It's probably because of my new meds. 

So, I had my psych eval and I got an official ADHD diagnosis. 

Which doesn't sit well with me because I have always had this idea that you can't be overweight and have ADHD. But I manage both. Don't ask me how I do it :) 

And now I'm on meds for it. 

Which are making me get things done. 

But it's making me want to get TOO much done. Like covering 19 topics in this blog post. 

I'll probably take myself off this one soon enough:) 

I miss the crazy!

Lori Ann

p.s.- I photoshopped the heck out of myself for my new banner. My skin has never looked like that- but the cool thing is my nieces eyes are really that blue!

On such a winter's day

I found this picture on Danielle's computer and I like it!

It's 7:34 am and I feel like I already going crazy.

Here are some important life updates and/or requested information.

1. the Kmart photo pickup incident. *sigh*. Rather than telling the long, rambling story, I will leave you with these words of warning: Never fall asleep in the bathtub in an unlocked bedroom. Never trust your evil Irish twin, and most importantly- never go back to the Kmart again.

2. I am getting a psychiatric evaluation done today. YES! I know talking about my mental health must seem odd and like over sharing to you, but it's what I do all day so it feels so normal to me. My friend Michele (also known as Juror number 11) suggested I direct the doctor to this blog as evidence of my mental illness:) We'll see what they come up with!!

3. I am trying to find the right inspiring, comforting, healing quote to hang on the wall in my office. One I won't get tired of too quickly. Any ideas?

4. My favorite client was in yesterday. He's number 1 but I've got other favorites. It's probably a good thing that I'm not a mom because I feel like I would have favorites there too. I do as an aunt. Although the list is always changing depending on which niece or nephew is catering to me most at the moment:) 

That is all.

Lori Ann

Grab up my glasses

Because this blog isn't narcissistic enough, I've decided to do a post about a day in my life.

It's going to make you feel one or (most likely) all of the following thing:

Jealous

Amazed

Mildly nauseated

Vaguely bored and wondering if your time on the Internet couldn't be put to more productive use than this. 

Here we go...

I wake up in the morning, feeling like P-Diddy...

And leave this exciting bed. Ignore the stuffed rabbit. Peachy is of no consequence to this discussion.

I get on my sexy workout clothes

Then eat the breakfast of champions!

Mornings are when I  look the most sexy

It's rare I come here this early. All the weird gym crazys are here at 6:15 am

I was going to get my trainer to take a picture of me after two grueling hours at the gym but he was too busy lecturing me on (and I quote) " getting my ass to the gym"

I arrive at my lovely place of employment

Walk down the infamous "red wing"

And arrive in my office and proceed to take awkward self portraits with the self timer

Then I hang out with some incredibly cool people. Who don't question why I am running around taking pictures between appointments:)

I do not eat any of the chocolate in my office. Nope. Not even one...or twelve pieces. No. 

My new favorite office picture:) 

More riveting scenes from my office

6 appointments, one super hot lunch date!, and 3 hours of paperwork later and...

I look like I've been hit with a sledgehammer

I've skipped a few scenes from my day of course.

Not pictured:

Any of my appointments. Dang HIPPA.

Changing in my office. Yes. I frequently change in my office.

Putting on my makeup around 11 am. It felt like the right time.

Obsessively emailing my favorite client.

Trying to convince my parents to join me in a State of the Union drinking game

My luxurious bubble bath. I promised myself to never take another picture in the bathroom after the K-mart photo pickup incident of 2002.

And various other exciting life details.

There you have it.

A day in the life of the Spinster Chronicles.

Lori Ann

It's awfully cold outside tonight

The Sugar Cookie!

Do you ever think about your life and how it all kind of hinged on one decision?

I don't know why I've been thinking about this lately

 (maybe because I have minimal responsibility in my life and lots of time to ponder all the existential questions)

 but I've been thinking about two things

 two words really

 without which I would never have been born.

#1- I think I've talked on here before about my Dad's oldest brother. His name was Ray. By the late 40's, my grandparents had two sons- Ray and my uncle Don. From what I've heard, that is all they planned to have. One day, when he was 4, Ray asked my grandmother if he could go across the street. She said 'yes'. They lived on a quiet little street in a quiet little town in Michigan. 

He got hit by a car and died. 

There is a good chance that if she had said "no" to his question that day that my dad would never have been born. Which; of course, means I would never have been born. 

My grandmother never really got over his death. If I could change that day for her, I would. It's odd that because of that day, I am here.

#  2- This again relates to my dad. My grandparents were religious people- my dad remembers attending various churches in his childhood. But two LDS missionaries knocked on their door when my dad was about 16. And they said "yes" and let them in. 

9 years later my parents met at church. 

If my grandparents had said "no" that day to those two missionaries there is a strong likelihood that they never would have joined the church and my dad wouldn't have found himself in the back row of a random Mormon church in Bridgeton, NJ in 1975. Where he would meet the oldest of the 5 Wilson sisters- my dear mother.

I am sure there a million little moments through all of our ancestry, where everything could have changed in an instant. It's so interesting to think about. 

Anyway, don't look for TSC to be getting super meta and philosophical in the future. This blog will proudly remain mostly about my cat and my plans for world domination.

Lori Ann

The cold never bothered me anyway

Beware: The following is an extremely self indulgent Aunt Post. 

I have been having a lot of fun times with this Elly Bean lately so I wanted to write down some memories.
 (So I can remember them for my toast at her wedding!)

1. Except for the birth of James Ray Monroe, I recently had my most magical moment as an aunt with Elly.  I was planning to get her a bike for her birthday but after watching her test drive some around at Walmart (and because I possess no impulse control)- we got one early. She rode it up to the checkout and it was so fun to see all of the adults smiling fondly at her. You could just feel the 'I got a new bike' happiness kind of poring off of her. We got home with the bike and even though it was already dark, I watched her ride her bike in circles for an hour and a half. She was singing songs from Frozen and ringing her bell and kept hopping off and saying "It's a pink bike with streamers and a bell and NO training wheels!" It was pure Elizabeth Mae magic. 

2. Speaking of Frozen, we've seen it 3 times together. She knows all the songs and actually identifies, not with the heroine, Anna, but her ice cursed sister Elsa. She tells me that I can call her Elsa :) The third viewing was my favorite as she was singing along to all the songs. 

3. On the car ride to Walmart last night she asked me if I had ever broken up with anyone. I told her that I dumped Brad Pitt when he became famous. She was fascinated. "What did you say to him?" I told her that I yelled "I never want to see your face again!" to Brad. She then told me about her long distance love for a boy named Chasen and how he kissed her on the nose in kindergarten. 

I have so many randomly awesome moments with Elly.

 She is standing next to me right now, talking about how she wants to get her ears pierced.

Today we talked about Joan of Arc and made a valentines wreath (and a tutorial video for youtube- Elly is all about the tutorial videos!). 

Yesterday we talked about how her friend's parents aren't married and what she thinks about that. 

Today she has blue nails and sparkly hair. 

What happened to my little Elly belly? 

When did she become this brave, adventurous, silly, intelligent, focused, beautiful almost 8 year old?

Lori Ann

You're the one I can't replace

In tribute to Terry Ann on her 29th birthday... 

My mother is one of the most fascinating women I have ever met. 

Kind of like Mona Lisa fascinating. 

My mother is a nurse by trade but in my life she has been, more than anything, a teacher.

She has taught me so much. 

That I should never trust a man to take care of me. 

That flattery works better than criticism 9 times out of 10.

That if you really love someone, you bake them a homemade cake. 

That you've got to be ready for whatever happens. 

That velveeta shells and cheese really only needs about half the cheese they provide you with. 

All the important things, right?

She is so many things to so many people.

Older sister to 8.

Aunt to 40 plus.

Great aunt to probably another 40.

Soon to be great- great aunt to 1. 

Daughter of two of the most...ummm....unusual....people I have ever met. 

Mother of 4 children. (3 weirdos and 1 incredible, amazing blessing)

Den mother to an entire nursing home of employees.

Partner in sexual harrasement education with various (ok, only one) gay men. 

Wife of Dave "Cheeseburger" Hinsdale. (notorious for carrying his lunch in his pocket and also shady former career choices)

And probably most important to her-

Grandmother to 4 of the wildest, weirdest, smartest, coolest kids on earth. 

In 58 years my mother has lived an amazing life. I feel very lucky to have been part of all the madness. 

Thanks for everything, Ma. 

I hope this ends up being the very best year of your life!

Lori Ann