Hookers, booze, shooting holes in the ceiling..Part 4 of 6

To my oldest sister Danielle

This will be the most difficult blog eulogy-esque tribute.

 I know you hate this kind of crap, but, oh well.

 You are getting a tribute anyway, fear monger!

If you had asked me, before this life, who I would chose as a best friend, I would probably have said " a really handsome gay man, who is funny, sensitive, and may one day be the father of my child".

However, no one asked me, so I got two older sisters as best friends.

Which, while not as cool as the gay guy scenario, has been a pretty good runner up.

Danielle is my Moses.

I have told her this several times, but I doubt she really gets it.

 She has always been my example in everything and led me to my own promised lands- Chicago, my mission field, Idaho-for undergrad, Philadelphia-for graduate school, and last but not least, Europe-you saved my money and made me believe it was possible.

Because of YOU, I know what Rome looks like at sunset.

Because of YOU, I have my Masters degree

. Because of YOU, hundreds of people in Chicago learned more about the gospel and I know of at least one of my mission families that went to the Temple together.

If I didn't have you as a sister, I know I would still be working at the Redners Warehouse Market in Quakertown, living with Mom and Dad, spending my paycheck on swiss cake roles for my breaks. 

Danielle was the first girl in our branch to serve a mission and since her there have been like 9 or 10..in a small branch.

Danielle was the first sister missionary in all of our extended family on both sides.

She was the first person in our family to graduate college.

Beyond that, Danielle makes me laugh.

We have exactly the same kind of sense of humor and all it takes is one word or one line of movie dialogue to make us both laugh.

I could say " I'm in a mood" and she would immediately reply "A real bad mood, I got fired from my ice cream truck job today" :)

Danielle, over the last several years, has been an example to me of what kind of a mother I would want to be.

She is patience and kindness personified.

If they were going to make a made for TV movie about her life, I think she would be played by Julia Stiles.

Thanks for everything, beast!

Lori Ann 

suffocated kumquat wraps.. Part 3 of 6.

Jack Monroe.

Where do I begin?

 Jack is my first and only brother in law
 (until Erin marries one or all of the remaining single members of N'Sync)

I could write about the fun game nights where I have beaten him at Settlers of Catan, or of the family dinners where I have painstakingly prepared gourmet meals for him and my sister.

 But, this tribute isn't to me, after all:)

So, instead, I will tell you all of the very un-Hinsdale qualities that Jack has brought into our family!

1. Extreme fiscal responsibility. We Hinsdales are impulse shoppers. You couldn't get Jack to impulse purchase a snickers bar!

2. Non grudge holdingness- This style of communication was very unsettling to all of us Hinsdales. At holiday gatherings, when we all sit around and list the ways we have been wronged by everyone else, Jackie just sits there, smiling and laid back. I have attempted to remind him of when others have wronged him and encourage him to be passive aggressive and never miss an opportunity to throw it in their face..but he won't. *sigh* None of us can stay mad at him because he REFUSES to stay mad at us!

3. Literalness. There is just a little tiny bit of Dwight Shrute in Jack. I'll say "Well, I can babysit but don't enjoy your freedom so much that you take off for the coast or anything" to which he will reply "why would we go to the coast? It's too cold to swim and gas prices are way too high to drive that far if we aren't even going to swim"

4. Harry Potter. I will always be grateful to him for that. Not grateful enough to ever go to a Trekkie convention or anything (which is the path he and Danielle are headed down with all the sci fi reading..let it be known that I warned them!)

There are a million more things I could list. Jack is such a great guy.

 He is a great husband to my sister and a wonderful father to my nieces and nephews.

Thanks for marrying the beast, Jackie! Eres lo mejor cunado del mundo!!

Lori Ann

These are my confessions..

Ok, I am feeling really passive aggressive today, so it seemed like a good time to take a break from tributes and CONFESS:)

My friend Melissa does Friday confessionals..you should check her out:)

I confess:

I have always said that I am so glad to have been raised by my parents, they taught me alot, etc.

 But I am beginning to change my mind because, while my parents raised me to defer to other people, show everyone respect, and be polite, apparently most people around me were raised to be complete a&(@h&@$^s!

Case in point: my neighbors.

I live in an apartment complex that has numbered parking spots.

 We have all gotten several notices about only parking in YOUR spot.

 Which I NEVER fail to do.

 My spot isn't super close to my door, but even if there are no other cars in the lot, I PARK IN MY SPOT.

 And yet, my neighbors and 20 of their closest friends feel like its ok for me to move out to guest parking, because they need my spot.

 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

 I hate my neighbors!!!!!!!!!!!

I confess:

It bothers me that I write blog tributes to people and then they don't even write a comment on them.

I confess:

I have finally realized something about my family: each person in my family has a side that I LOVE and a side that I don't like very much.

Do you see what I mean?

 PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.

Oh well, if you can't say what you are thinking on your blog, where can you? :)

Lori Ann

How do you thank someone who has taken you from crayons to perfume..Part 2 of 6

To my mom

I wish I had the words to convey my feelings of gratitude to you for being my mother.

 God could not have chosen anyone better.

There are so many things I have never said thank you for.

I want to say: thanks for giving up your pride at times to take care of us.

Thanks for paying off my tuition so that I could go back to school.

 Thanks for that St. Patricks day package you sent me.

 Thanks for doing the 12 days of Christmas with Pat Pifer with me.

 Thanks for all the times you helped me lift, turn, or pick someone up off the floor.

Thanks for dressing me up for kindergarten.

 Thanks for buying me a cabbage patch kid.

Thanks for not freaking out when I crashed you and Dad's only car.

 Thanks for bringing us to clean model homes, clean carpets, and deliver papers.

 Those are some of the fondest memories I have of my childhood.

Thanks for teaching me how to work.

 Thanks for teaching me to count only on myself.

 Thanks for teaching me to love Elvis and Cher.

Thanks for all the homemade dresses.

Thanks for trying so hard to have nice stuff for us.

Thanks for coming to see me in Romeo and Juliet.

 Thanks for giving my nieces and nephews the grandmom that we never had.

Thanks for surprising me on my 30th birthday.

I know there are a million things that you did for me that I don't even know about.

Sleepless nights, trips to the ER, stuff you went without to give me the things I needed and wanted.

No matter what, no matter the issues that we don't see eye to eye on, or whatever our family history, to me- you are an angel.

When I think of my childhood, I think of you.

The "I can't = I won't" poster, the long days of perms, the cookie baking, exercising to Jane Fonda, staying up late to watch Miss America, you and Dad scaring us, closing up Pizza Hut and then eating late at Perkins.

You destroying the bathroom, looking for somewhere to live in Wildwood, taking a taxi to my choir concert, pushing me up the hill in Rexburg in my wheelchair.

I could go on forever.

Thanks, Mom.

Lori Ann 

Grab your things, I've come to take you home...Part 1 of 6

To my dad

There are a million thoughts that come to my mind when I think of you.

Of all the people in my family, I have the strongest associations of home and family with you.

 Maybe because you would make us oatmeal with brown sugar on snow days, or because I feel so safe whenever you are around.

You taught me so much about life, and the older I get, the more I appreciate it.

 I appreciate the hours and hours you took to teach me that I could achieve anything I ever dreamed of.

I appreciate the hours and hours you worked in the hot sun to provide for me.

I love how much you love music.

I love that you taught me to appreciate Mozart, Beethoven, Pink Floyd, Dire Straights, Santana and a million others.

I love your advice.

Sometimes I think up something to ask about, just because I love to hear you say "You know, Oreo..you get out of line and "the man" is going to knock you back in place".

Everywhere I went in Europe, I wished you were there.

 When I was sitting on the benches in the Vatican, looking up at the Sistine Chapel ceiling, I wished a hundred times over that you were looking up with me, because you know just how to capture the magnitude of such moments.

My favorite moments in Europe where when we drove by Verona and they played "Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits and when my tour bus in London drove by Speakers Corner and I stood up and shrieked "There's Speakers Corner!"

You were always right about everything.

 If I could go back to childhood and adolescence, I would follow you around with a notebook, recording everything you said.

I know that if I am ever in a bad situation, you could save me.

I love that you and Mom bought me furniture for my first apartment and that you carried it across the street on your back.

 I felt like a kindergartner, thinking "Look what my dad can do, I bet your dad can't do that!"

I think you are brave and smart and wise.

 I tell my clients endless stories about you and I wish I could give them the same kind of father that I had.

I get my love of nature from you.

I get my love of animals from you.

 I get my love of history from you (and Mom).

You taught me to serve without having any expectations in return.

 You taught me that living a life of fairness and integrity is more important than 'getting ahead'.

Thanks for taking away the TV so that we would all become readers.

Thanks for every single lecture on education.

 Thanks for knowing my teachers and guidance counselors on a first name basis.

 Thanks for going prom dress shopping with me.

Thanks for letting me live with you in grad school.

Thanks for the dance skills I inherited from you.

I love you. 

It's hard for me to say that.

 It feels weird, because we are not that kind of family.

 But, you are almost sixty and already have one foot in the grave so I thought I'd better tell you soon:)

Thanks for being my dad.

 I couldn't have asked for more.

Oreo

Por mi gente

A few weeks ago, my sister Erin wrote a blog tribute to me.

 I have since printed it out and hung it up on my wall.

It was amazing.

I have never really written tributes to any of my family members.

So, I have decided to write one for each of them.

 I want to tell them all the things that are usually reserved for eulogies.

I have 2 parents, two sisters, and two brothers.

Yep, even Jack (technically my brother in law) gets a tribute. (Lucky him)

One a day for six days, starting with my dad and working down to my Irish twin.

This will not be easy.

I come from a family that does not prize 'sentimenal crap'.

However, I do.

 So, you can laugh it up and be snarky, but you're still getting a tribute!!

Each tribute will be titled with a lyric from the song that reminds me most of that person.

You're up first, old man.

 Get ready:)

Lori Ann 

Gummi bear dreaming

1.Zebras

2.Magic Johnson

3.A really nice camera that had been stored in the freezer

4.Cleaning my sisters house (specifically doing dishes)

5.Gummi bears

Contrary to what you may be thinking, the above is not a list of things that I think are really hot. (Umm..do you see Matt Damon written down?)

The above are a list of the prominent features of my dreams last night.

 I felt like this one definitely merited a little analysis.

 So, with the help of the ever scientific "Online Dream Interpretation Dictionary", let's see what my dreams are trying to tell me.

1. Zebras

To see a zebra in your dream, represents perfect balance, unity, harmony, and the attraction of opposites. Alternatively, it signifies that you are spending too much time in trivial and varying matters You need to establish a mindset and lay your groundwork for some solid stability.

2. Magic Johnson (had to look up 'basketball')

To see a basketball in your dream, suggests that you need to make the first move. You also need to concentrate and be more focused in your goals.

3. frozen camera

To dream that the camera is broken (in my case, frozen), indicates that you are ignoring an issue or refusing to see the big picture.

4. Doing dishes (at sisters house)

To dream that you are washing dishes, suggests that you are moving on and planning for the next thing that comes your way. Alternatively, it represents your daily routine. Perhaps you are in a rut. To see your sister in your dream, symbolizes some aspect of your relationship with her (maybe I am stuck in a rut with my sister or I am planning the next thing with my sister?)

5. gummi bears (had to look up 'candy')

To see or eat candy in your dream, symbolizes the joys and special treats in life. It also represents indulgence, sensuality and/or forbidden pleasure. You may be devoting too much time to unimportant issues.

I highlighted the similarities and it seems like I am in a rut from spending too much time on unimportant issues but I have been trying to ignore that I am stuck in the rut.

Where is Freud when you need him? And is it just me or is it a little creepy that gummi bears represent sensuality and/or forbidden pleasure?

Lori Ann