Saturday, March 5, 2011

Ectasy

Ok, people. 

Today's topic is very near and dear to my heart.

Romance novels 

For years they were my favorite form of fiction.

 I still read them, but they are now mixed in with literature, Harry Potter, poetry, Harry Potter, etc.

I usually buy books at thrift stores, because nothing burns me more than paying $7.99 for a book at Walmart or Barnes and Noble, then finding it to be a total waste of time and money.

Books that are only .49 cents don't have the power to burn you in that same fashion.

UNTIL TODAY.

I swear I am going back to that thrift store and demanding my .49 cents back. 

Because of this...


Ok, so I bought this book because the thrift store didn't have anything else even vaguely interesting and I have always harbored a belief that; one day, a rich and handsome man will ask me to travel the world with him.

 Of course, most wealthy businessmen do not require the services of a travelling social worker, but lets not forget that I am also a licensed therapist. 

Which would make this man mentally ill, but whatever. This is my dream, people!

ANYWAY,

The girl from this book is named Suzy.

 Suzy made me hate her so much I kept throwing the book down and screaming, "I hate you, Suzy!"

Behold the evilness of Suzy:

1. Suzy had been married before and widowed.

 Her first husband became disabled in an accident and killed himself a year later, so as not to be a burden on her.

She admitted to feeling a huge sense of RELIEF upon finding his body.

2. Suzy, once having left the town she grew up in, immediately began expressing her disdain for everyone in her town, calling them "provincial" but most especially her family.

She booked herself and her boss (now husband) into a hotel so that he wouldn't have to be subjected to her parents guest bedroom.

She told her sister that she was "the size of a house", complained about her "noisy and sticky" nieces and nephews, and raged at her mother for making them sit down to tea and then later dinner.

 Which brings us to point number 3..

3. Suzy very quickly embraced anorexia during the course of this book.

 Getting steadily slimmer, signing up for excessive classes at the gym.
(all as a response to her boss telling her she wasn't fit)

 She; on several occasions, sneers at others who are eating.

 It's quite disturbing actually.

I could keep going.

 There was her plot to get secretly pregnant by her boss and run away, her side romance with a french Casanova, her tendency to spend large amounts of "work" time tanning and buying knock off designer clothes. 

The hero of this book wasn't much better.

 He had mistresses on every continent, constantly referred to himself as a 'citizen of the world' in a condescending manner, and was so critical of every one's eating habits.

 So bizarre. 

I hope you are all having a festive and entertaining Saturday!!

 I am headed back to bed with my copy of Deathly Hallows. 

Pure bliss.

Lori Ann

Friday, March 4, 2011

I don't think that I'll see her again

I wish there was something scandalous I could post about.

Like how hot our new IT guy is.

Or how I have been hardcore antiquing in my town.

But neither would be true. (well, the IT would. He is hot!!!)

So, instead, I will blog about the weather.


I don't think the South got the memo that March comes in like a LION and out like a LAMB

Because here, mid February come in like a lamb, shorn and ready for summer pastures.

Winter consisted of one week of 2 inches of snow in December.

Don't get me wrong.

I love the nice weather.

 I have been dragging my clients to every park known to man.

It's just...I miss four seasons.

Good thing I only have 92 days until I move home.

Not that I am counting or anything.

Lori Ann

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

You performed the Patronus charm, in the presence of a muggle

I've spent way too much time gossiping with my clients today. 

While enjoyable, I'm not sure how beneficial it is, from a therapeutic standpoint. 

I wish someone would just pay me to be friends with people. 

That would be sweet. 

My two older sisters are getting together for a nice vacay this weekend.

I hope they talk about me and what I need to do with my life.

I look forward to their observations and advice. 

Lori Ann

p.s.- If you tell anyone else, I will deny it but guess what???? I've started listening to Justin Beiber!  

p.p.s.- I feel like Harry Potter at the beginning of Order of the Phoenix, but instead of coming to snap my wand in two, someone is going to come and take my membership card to the "I am an adult" club. 

Baby, baby, baby NO!

Monday, February 28, 2011

On a dark and stormy night



Oh man, we are having thunder storms right now here in Reidsville. 

I am hiding in my apartment, wrapped up in my pajamas and a blanket. 

Slowly embracing the fact that I have gone round the bend. 

Please, please..do NOT let me read anymore fan fiction.

And while you are at it, will you please take away my phone?

I am swamped in addiction here, people. 

You know, I thought I was paying you to be my therapist/deal with my problems/cook dinner for me?

I don't mean to criticize, but seriously,  I may have to take my business elsewhere :) 

Lori Ann

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I don't like seagrams ginger ale, so why do I keep drinking it??

I knew all my hours on YouTube would pay off!

 I just found an awesome INDIE cover of Single Ladies.

I know..sounds bizarre, right? 


You're Welcome!!

Lori Ann

Post Secret is like crack to me.

I love PostSecret.

It's so interesting and addictive.

I haven't sent in a post card, but it is my life goal to do so.

Once I have a really good secret. 

In the mean time, here are some less scandalous Lolee secrets.

 It really took a lot of mental energy for me to NOT make all my secrets about how much I love Darren Criss. 


Lori Ann

Saturday, February 26, 2011

For everything I just couldn't do


"It’s a psychological fact that we treat ourselves the way we were treated as children."

Every once in a while, I read or hear something that shifts the way I view myself, my family, the work that I do, and even the world. 

Today was one of those days.

I don't know if any of you have ever felt like you are trapped in a certain space.

 Limited to a certain role.

I feel that way often with my family.

I had always thought it was THEM keeping me here. 

Today, I realized that; more than any other person, it's ME keeping me here. 

Amazing. 

Thanks for being my therapist, Eri. 

Lori Ann
(the Victim)