Grab up my glasses

Because this blog isn't narcissistic enough, I've decided to do a post about a day in my life.

It's going to make you feel one or (most likely) all of the following thing:

Jealous

Amazed

Mildly nauseated

Vaguely bored and wondering if your time on the Internet couldn't be put to more productive use than this. 

Here we go...

I wake up in the morning, feeling like P-Diddy...

And leave this exciting bed. Ignore the stuffed rabbit. Peachy is of no consequence to this discussion.

I get on my sexy workout clothes

Then eat the breakfast of champions!

Mornings are when I  look the most sexy

It's rare I come here this early. All the weird gym crazys are here at 6:15 am

I was going to get my trainer to take a picture of me after two grueling hours at the gym but he was too busy lecturing me on (and I quote) " getting my ass to the gym"

I arrive at my lovely place of employment

Walk down the infamous "red wing"

And arrive in my office and proceed to take awkward self portraits with the self timer

Then I hang out with some incredibly cool people. Who don't question why I am running around taking pictures between appointments:)

I do not eat any of the chocolate in my office. Nope. Not even one...or twelve pieces. No. 

My new favorite office picture:) 

More riveting scenes from my office

6 appointments, one super hot lunch date!, and 3 hours of paperwork later and...

I look like I've been hit with a sledgehammer

I've skipped a few scenes from my day of course.

Not pictured:

Any of my appointments. Dang HIPPA.

Changing in my office. Yes. I frequently change in my office.

Putting on my makeup around 11 am. It felt like the right time.

Obsessively emailing my favorite client.

Trying to convince my parents to join me in a State of the Union drinking game

My luxurious bubble bath. I promised myself to never take another picture in the bathroom after the K-mart photo pickup incident of 2002.

And various other exciting life details.

There you have it.

A day in the life of the Spinster Chronicles.

Lori Ann

It's awfully cold outside tonight

The Sugar Cookie!

Do you ever think about your life and how it all kind of hinged on one decision?

I don't know why I've been thinking about this lately

 (maybe because I have minimal responsibility in my life and lots of time to ponder all the existential questions)

 but I've been thinking about two things

 two words really

 without which I would never have been born.

#1- I think I've talked on here before about my Dad's oldest brother. His name was Ray. By the late 40's, my grandparents had two sons- Ray and my uncle Don. From what I've heard, that is all they planned to have. One day, when he was 4, Ray asked my grandmother if he could go across the street. She said 'yes'. They lived on a quiet little street in a quiet little town in Michigan. 

He got hit by a car and died. 

There is a good chance that if she had said "no" to his question that day that my dad would never have been born. Which; of course, means I would never have been born. 

My grandmother never really got over his death. If I could change that day for her, I would. It's odd that because of that day, I am here.

#  2- This again relates to my dad. My grandparents were religious people- my dad remembers attending various churches in his childhood. But two LDS missionaries knocked on their door when my dad was about 16. And they said "yes" and let them in. 

9 years later my parents met at church. 

If my grandparents had said "no" that day to those two missionaries there is a strong likelihood that they never would have joined the church and my dad wouldn't have found himself in the back row of a random Mormon church in Bridgeton, NJ in 1975. Where he would meet the oldest of the 5 Wilson sisters- my dear mother.

I am sure there a million little moments through all of our ancestry, where everything could have changed in an instant. It's so interesting to think about. 

Anyway, don't look for TSC to be getting super meta and philosophical in the future. This blog will proudly remain mostly about my cat and my plans for world domination.

Lori Ann

The cold never bothered me anyway

Beware: The following is an extremely self indulgent Aunt Post. 

I have been having a lot of fun times with this Elly Bean lately so I wanted to write down some memories.
 (So I can remember them for my toast at her wedding!)

1. Except for the birth of James Ray Monroe, I recently had my most magical moment as an aunt with Elly.  I was planning to get her a bike for her birthday but after watching her test drive some around at Walmart (and because I possess no impulse control)- we got one early. She rode it up to the checkout and it was so fun to see all of the adults smiling fondly at her. You could just feel the 'I got a new bike' happiness kind of poring off of her. We got home with the bike and even though it was already dark, I watched her ride her bike in circles for an hour and a half. She was singing songs from Frozen and ringing her bell and kept hopping off and saying "It's a pink bike with streamers and a bell and NO training wheels!" It was pure Elizabeth Mae magic. 

2. Speaking of Frozen, we've seen it 3 times together. She knows all the songs and actually identifies, not with the heroine, Anna, but her ice cursed sister Elsa. She tells me that I can call her Elsa :) The third viewing was my favorite as she was singing along to all the songs. 

3. On the car ride to Walmart last night she asked me if I had ever broken up with anyone. I told her that I dumped Brad Pitt when he became famous. She was fascinated. "What did you say to him?" I told her that I yelled "I never want to see your face again!" to Brad. She then told me about her long distance love for a boy named Chasen and how he kissed her on the nose in kindergarten. 

I have so many randomly awesome moments with Elly.

 She is standing next to me right now, talking about how she wants to get her ears pierced.

Today we talked about Joan of Arc and made a valentines wreath (and a tutorial video for youtube- Elly is all about the tutorial videos!). 

Yesterday we talked about how her friend's parents aren't married and what she thinks about that. 

Today she has blue nails and sparkly hair. 

What happened to my little Elly belly? 

When did she become this brave, adventurous, silly, intelligent, focused, beautiful almost 8 year old?

Lori Ann

You're the one I can't replace

In tribute to Terry Ann on her 29th birthday... 

My mother is one of the most fascinating women I have ever met. 

Kind of like Mona Lisa fascinating. 

My mother is a nurse by trade but in my life she has been, more than anything, a teacher.

She has taught me so much. 

That I should never trust a man to take care of me. 

That flattery works better than criticism 9 times out of 10.

That if you really love someone, you bake them a homemade cake. 

That you've got to be ready for whatever happens. 

That velveeta shells and cheese really only needs about half the cheese they provide you with. 

All the important things, right?

She is so many things to so many people.

Older sister to 8.

Aunt to 40 plus.

Great aunt to probably another 40.

Soon to be great- great aunt to 1. 

Daughter of two of the most...ummm....unusual....people I have ever met. 

Mother of 4 children. (3 weirdos and 1 incredible, amazing blessing)

Den mother to an entire nursing home of employees.

Partner in sexual harrasement education with various (ok, only one) gay men. 

Wife of Dave "Cheeseburger" Hinsdale. (notorious for carrying his lunch in his pocket and also shady former career choices)

And probably most important to her-

Grandmother to 4 of the wildest, weirdest, smartest, coolest kids on earth. 

In 58 years my mother has lived an amazing life. I feel very lucky to have been part of all the madness. 

Thanks for everything, Ma. 

I hope this ends up being the very best year of your life!

Lori Ann

Rage quitting and other bad ideas

How I felt by the 5 pm today

Sorry for the sporadic blogging.

It's been a stressful, crazy week.

And today was the icing on the cake of a kind of miserable week. 

Today I had 6 appointments in a row. 

Not unusual (though most days I try not to have more than 4 in a row- I start zoning out after that)

But EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of them was a client that challenges me. 

I love every single one of my clients but some of them are just tougher. For one reason or another. 

They leave a session after 45-50 minutes and I feel like collapsing on the floor.

And today I had 6 in a row. 

And they were overlapping. One would run over and the next would be literally knocking on my office door.

There were a few minutes towards the end when I LITERALLY contemplated screaming. 

Just screaming. 

This is one reason I am glad to have gone private. I wouldn't want any of my clients to read this although I don't think I am violating their confidentiality in saying it. 

So, sorry this is kind of a ranting, whiny post. 

I wish I had some uplifting things to say. 

Actually, I have to tell you the story of my greatest Aunt moment ever that happened this week. 

I'll write that post tomorrow. 

When I've recovered from today. 

Lori Ann

Time is a wheel in constant motion

A few things I don't want to forget from this past week:

The 'Stingy Velveeta Shells and Cheese Incident of 2014'. My mother is famous for her culinary adventures. Once she washed off a waffle that had syrup on it and served it to my father with powdered sugar. She's made microwave popcorn for dinner on several occasions. She used to make the nastiest alba bars and try to force people to eat them. She thinks applesauce is the perfect side dish to every meal. Well, this weekend she added another tale to the long list.

I'm not going to tell it here because it will sound lame unless you were there. But suffice it say that she is off shells and cheese duty for the foreseeable future:)

On Saturday night, Danielle and I watched The Princess Bride with her kids. (after a somewhat horrific round of 'chopped' in which the 3 ingredients were cotton candy, marshmallow fluff, and Twinkies) I love that they are old enough to appreciate this movie. James was yelling "The cliffs of insanity!" over and over the other day and now if you say "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father" they will all shriek "PREPARE TO DIE!" :)

I came into the office at 5:30 am today. I am scheduled 12:30 to 8:30, so I came in 7 hours early. The only downside is now it is 11 am, my working hours haven't even started yet and I am ready to go home:) It's going to be a long 15 hours in the office today. (my last hour is my teen social skills group...yikes!)

My nutritionist approved a 2 week liquid diet. To get me back on track and help break my carb cravings and shrink my stomach and all that crap. Wish me luck! (I am 11 hours in. I had to give my container of almonds to Michele because they were calling my name. AND some DEVIL brought brought soft pretzels to the office today!)

Katy stood during the rest hymn at church yesterday and sang "I am a child of God" and it was the most precious thing I have ever seen.

Shameless is back on. If Ian and Mickey don't end up together, I am going to freak out.

I think my sister Erin ordered me a cat condo on Amazon. It's supposed to arrive today. Look for an entire post on this thing!

Lori Ann

p.s.- The Blacklist starts again tonight!!! I have been going through such James Spader withdrawl...

Must have been something you said

Ok,

So, here are some of my slightly bitter, rambling, but honest random thoughts:

I am so angry at myself for my hair. I felt like I had to validate what the hairdresser was saying about my hair and how it should be styled and cut instead of just saying "listen- this is what I want". When you are paying over a hundred dollars for something, you should get what you want. 

This is what it looks like down

I pulled an ab muscle working out yesterday. This has now happened twice. It's not a sharp pain (most of the time) but it's an annoying, ever present pain. The kind of pain where you are like "if this would just go away, I would be so happy and never complain about anything again". 

It's not easy maintaining these abs, baby!

I've simplified my health goals. My actual goal is to lose weight, build muscle, and feel better. My rules are much more simple as well: No eating after 8 pm, no sugar, and do some kind of exercise 6 days a week. I feel so much better now that I have a simple, workable plan.

Katy has been wearing her hair in pigtails lately. It may be the most precious thing I have ever seen. 

I've got like 10-12 kids signed up for my teen social skills group. It's going to be totally nuts. I barely had a handle on it when it was 6 kids. Wish me luck!

I do think it's a little ironic that I run two social skills group when my own therapist said that I don't have friendship building skills. 

Sometimes I go through phases where I want to watch Harry Potter or Twilight or The Hunger Games. I really, really wish that a new amazing series would be published so I could wrap myself up in it. 

I almost died like 3 times on the way to work today. It was snowing but it didn't seem that bad. Until I turned out onto the main road and completely spun in a 360. Then, on the other main road, my back wheels were fishtailing all over the place. I actually started embracing the inevitability of my demise. It was epic.

That is all.

Lori Ann