To find my own

 

I have been tormenting Rich lately.

 

The poor thing.

 

I had to deactivate my facebook because I kept correcting his grammar in the comments section of his posts.

 

And facebook stalking his WEIRD ex.

 

He is so the opposite of me in some ways- laid back, ok avoiding conflict, doesn't overanalyze.

 

I keep asking him "Are you sure you want to marry a therapist?"

 

After dinner tonight, I made him sit with me on the back porch and tell me, in detail, about his family relationships.

 

I've sent him a number of emails asking  about his childhood, his relationships, his work history, his goals for the future, and other somewhat intrusive, interrogation style questions.  

 

Yesterday I sent him an email that  I called 'The Bad List" which was a list of everything that is wrong with me.

 

Everything, people.

 

I told him how I find Twizzlers to be irritating, how I resent league bowling nights, and how I am kind of a man hater.

 

And so much more.

 

I should probably get him on some medication before the wedding...or at least get him started on a heavy drinking habit. :)

 

70 days until the wedding.

 

If he doesn't have a mental breakdown before then.

 

Lori Ann

 

p.s.- Next weekend I am going to meet his mom and brother for the first time. They've been avoiding me....not wise. :)

 

In moments unforgettable

So...for someone who has watched wedding shows and wedding dress shows and everything like that for YEARS, I am surprisingly not super interested in wedding planning. 

I honestly wish I could hire a wedding planner- not because I want something perfect or I can't take the stress but because it's all kind of tiresome. 

All I know is the FEELING I want. 

I want a chilly, bright fall day in PA with the smell of burning leaves and the feeling of American history all around. 

If you have ever watched M. Night Shamalyn's "The Village"- it has the same vibe as the wedding I want. A little Amishy, simple, stunning fall colors

. Does that make sense?

 Probably not to anyone who isn't from here. 

(and obsessed with fall like me)

I think I am going to pass the reins on planning to my sisters. 

My main focus is going to be on making Rich like the same music as me and on decorating our apartment. 

Lori Ann

As every fairy tale comes real

It's been 6 months and 6 days since I almost died. 

And it has been the craziest 6 months and 6 days of my life.

Crazy good and crazy bad. Sometimes just crazy. 

I am not the same person who went into the ER at 3 am on Feb. 7th. 

That date will always mark a before/after in my life. 

Like my mission did.

Like graduating college did. 

Like getting my baby Sugar did. 

I hope the next year on this blog is one of adventure, growth and progression. 

Sincerely, 

The future Mrs. Walker 

Make your dreams come true

So... 103 days until my wedding. 

I never thought I would write that on the Spinster Chronicles. 

2016 has been such a crazy year. 

I have been writing this blog for almost 7 years and my life has changed more in the last 3 months than it has in the previous 7 years. 

It makes me excited for what the future holds. 

Like super, happy excited!!!! 

So...in the meantime, I am neither a spinster, nor a wife. 

So, for the next 103 days, I welcome you to...

The Diary of a Fall Bride. 

Prepare for WAY TOO MANY fall and wedding themed posts. 

I want to record all the fun and craziness of this time in my life and introduce you to Richard Allen Walker- my victim...uh...future husband. 

That poor man. 

He has no idea I've already formulated a 5 year list of goals for him. 

He always says I am the brains in our relationship- if that's true, then he is totally the heart. 

He tells me I am beautiful every day. 

ANYWAY...

103 days, people! 

Let's do this! 

Sincerely, 

Lori Ann

(Rich's fiancee) 

Shall I stay

So....

I'm getting married. 

His name is Richard Walker. 

I will dedicate a whole blog post to him soon. 

We've known each other for two years- since he converted to my church. 

But it wasn't til I dated a few jerks that I saw the amazing value in finding a nice guy.

Rich is the NICEST guy I have ever met. 

Plus he kinda lets me do whatever I want. 

So, yeah. 

Save the date, people. 

11/12/16. 

112 Days to Go. 

It will be a civil marriage and then we will hopefully be sealed next November in the Philadelphia Temple. 

So... I guess I will need to change the name of this blog....

Maybe the Mrs. Walker Chronicles? 

Or The Confessions of an Ex-Spinster? 

Probably the next few months it should be called "The obsessed with my fall wedding Chronicles" 

Yours truly,

The Future Mrs. Walker 

Long may our Land be bright

It is our Independence Day. 

As I have mentioned a few times in the past, I am a 16th generation American. 

It doesn't really matter how long your family has been here- we are all equally American. 

But I feel connected to this land so strongly. 

I have only left the country twice- once for Canada and once for Europe. 

And I felt a little lost the whole time I was gone. 

I am so grateful every single day for the freedom I have been blessed with. 

I am so grateful for the sacrifice of countless thousands of others who came before me, who sacrificed their lives and loved ones for this incredible gift. 

I don't have if I would have been as brave as they are. 

Happy Birthday to my beloved homeland. 

Lori Hinsdale

And dreams that had never come true

I have written close to a thousand posts since I started this blog almost 7 years ago. 

This will be, by far, the hardest one to write. 

2016 has been probably the most difficult, challenging, life changing year I have ever lived. 

Between car accidents, emergency surgery, changing jobs, looking at life differently, just everything.

It has been a tough year but I am convinced God is trying to teach me something. 

So, after my near death experience in February, I kind of woke up to the realization that I wasn't living my life really.

I was just surviving. 

Not happy, not growing, not joyful, not challenged, not inspired. 

Nothing had changed in my life in too many years. 

So, I did some things that I had never done. 

Some...impulsive things.

 (which I genuinely regret)

And...in the 2nd week of April, I found out I was pregnant. 

Yeah. 

Being unmarried, LDS, and pregnant was not how I saw my life at 36. 

I was both insanely excited and insanely scared. 

I went to the OB on Thursday, the 26th of May.

And they told me she was gone. 

(I have always felt like this baby was a girl...I have been calling her "Lily Jane"..who knows though?) 

She said I had what is called a 'chemical pregnancy', where the embryo forms but doesn't attach to the uterine wall. 

They gave me some pills to take (to dispose of the 'products of conception') and I went home alone. 

I stayed up all night. 

I broke out in hives and chewed my nails down to the stub. 

I couldn't think clearly. 

I couldn't stop crying. 

I was reading Harry Potter because that was what I had started reading to the baby as soon as I found out. 

I didn't want anyone there. 

There wasn't anything my mom could do. 

And I felt like I had to be HER mom in that moment and be strong. 

I've kind of been on autopilot the last week. 

But I felt like there should be some record, somewhere (besides my ob's files) that she existed. 

That she was loved.

So, this blog will return to being the crazy Spinster Chronicles. 

But, just like a tiny part of my heart will always be in Chicago with the people I served on my mission, another tiny part of my heart will be with her. 

I hope she is the first thing I see when I get to the other side. 

Lori Ann 

(Lily Jane's mom )