Occupy Chuck E. Cheese!!

I try to avoid the news whenever possible. It interferes with the celebrity gossip and reality show watching regime I’m committed to.

However, one cannot escape discussion of the “Occupy Wall street” protests and it’s made me think about things that I’ve always wanted to protest but didn’t have either A. the nerve B. any knowledge or C. the ability to rise above my natural inclination towards apathy.

Anyway- here it is…

Top Five Things/Places/Ideas I would totally Occupy.

5. It’s been about 13 years, but I am still protesting Burger King’s

“new” fries. I mean, come on..What is with the batter coating? It’s gross. And I really resent having to go to BK for my burger and McD’s for my fries. That’s too much to ask of the American people.

4. Indian Summers. Come on, summer…isn’t it enough that you have been sucking the life out of all of us since about mid-April with your scorching heat, endless barbecues, and lame block buster movie releases? Now you’re going to extend into the few weeks we get of fall? Not cool, summer. Not cool. Literally.

3. Showers. No, not the kind where you get clean (I’m only mildly opposed to those), but rather the “baby/wedding/house warming/ etc, etc” variety. I protest the exclusiveness of these events. What if you are, for example, single, childless, and living a tragic hand to mouth existence in a dingy apartment? Don’t you deserve monogrammed hand towels from Sears?? Don’t you?? Answer me!!

2. Tipping. We need to take our cue from Europe on this one. I’ve been an American for 32 glorious years and I still don’t get exactly how tipping works. Do you tip if you pick up your own pizza? What about the mail man? What’s the rate? 15 %? Is that for every restaurant or just fancy ones? If you pay 100 bucks for furniture delivery, doesn’t that mean you don’t have to tip?? Ahhhh!!!! Tipping, you evil troll. What do you torment me like this??

1. Target weekend shoppers. This group of people embodies the death knell of culture, the American dream, and even human decency as a whole. I went to Target last weekend and the things I saw…well, I won’t say because I know many of you gather around this blog with your children at night and I don’t want to scare them. Just know this..You’re not safe. Not even in the pet food slash broom and mop aisle.

So…there you have it. The groups, things, and ideas I (in my head) spend my days railing against. A complete list would be about 200 items long, but these are the truly the most enraging.

Peace out, girls scouts!!

Lori Ann