Leaping Lizards!

I couldn't miss this chance to post on Leap Day. 

I was going to make my clients leap in and out of my office today, but they all just wanted to be serious and talk about their problems and stuff.

Gosh.

Anyway, following in Leap Day tradition, I want to take this chance to propose to any and all of the hordes of single men who are devoted followers of my blog! Let's do this marriage thing!

On a different note, I am getting a teeny tiny glimpse into the life of a mother with this cat. She won't leave me alone to do things, like blog and eat endless bowls of Reeses Puffs. 

Then I feel guilty for not paying her more attention.

Holy Hannah, if this is what pet ownership is like, I don't know how you parents do it!

Speaking of wild and crazy cats... here is your daily Sugar. 

Lori Ann

For Erin and Katy

One of the great Spinster traditions is becoming a crazy cat lady. I've avoided it for years for a few reasons.

1. Animals don't like me. I used to think it was because I was a sociopath and they could sense it. But that was in the BML days... (Before medicated Lori).  I was crazy then. 

2. I hate to admit this, but I don't like being responsible for things. I don't have any plants, any fish, or anything that requires human warmth and kindness. 

3. Two words. Litter box. 

Anyway, I guess none of us can really escape our fates. You get married and have kids and one day you wake up wearing high waisted, tight at the ankles, light denim washed jeans and your husband's t-shirt. You stay a spinster and one day you wake up, owning 13 cats and yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off your lawn. Anyway, in tribute to my new status as a crazy cat lady..here are some pictures of my cat!

The Sugar cookie loves sleeping in the sun.

When she is not sleeping right next to my head. 

Or climbing right up into my face. 

These pictures are more for my sister and niece than anyone else. Sugar can't wait to meet both of you, Aunt  Erin and Katy Kat!

Lori Ann

Sugar, Sugar

This weekend was epic.

I spent some crazy time with my 

Four

Favorite 

People

In all the world.
 (bonus shot of Elly, just because she's so cute!)

Best quotes of the weekend:

"I found him on the tire swing with some weirdos" (said by Jack, after I sent him into the playground to find James)

"We're in the third dimension" (said by Elly, unsolicited, on the walk home from the park)

"When she approached me with the sausage, it was kind of creepy" (said by Jack, referring to Katy, as she walked by him at breakfast, eating her 5th sausage link)

"Aunt Lori, the dollar store doesn't sell promises" (said by Jack, when the toy submarine I bought him at the dollar store didn't work)

"The Chinese don't know the difference between baking powder and baking soda" ( said by Big Jack, in a typical Anti-Chinese rant)

" I want you two to get to know each other" ( said by Danielle, as a reason she was leaving to go read, instead of watching "The Voice" with me and Jack)

"You go use the downstairs potty!" (screamed by Katy, who is weirdly possessive of the upstairs bathroom)

" You know what's amazing? These stars we are looking at are the same stars that they saw even before Christopher Columbus discovered America.".... "No, they're not, Aunt Lori" ( Me, trying to impart the wonder of the cosmos to my nieces and nephews while star gazing, and then being corrected by Jack Jack..to which Danielle added "Yeah, my kids know this stuff, you can't pull anything over on them")

"You're a horrible mother! I feel like Sugar isn't in a safe environment!" (Erin, upon finding out I left my cat alone for 36 hours)

Umm...p.s.- I got a cat. Her name is Sugar! 

It was a crazy awesome weekend.  I hope we have many, many more!!

Lori Ann

You're hot then you're cold

Oh my gosh, Glee is so stealing my fan fiction for their show. 

That's all.

Lori Ann

This time I'm not leaving without you

I have recently become obsessed with the Lady Gaga song "You and I".  I've played it probably 30 times in a row now. I'm always like 1 year behind the trends:)

I ate 4 peach yogurts today. I have no self control when it come to yogurt. Or V8. Or cheerios. Or tin roof sundae ice cream.

You know what I think about a lot? I think about how weird it is that I am as related to my aunts and uncles as my nieces and nephews are to me. I don't even really know them. I wonder what my life would be like if I had an aunt who was like me.

I got a new blue dress for work. I'll post pictures tomorrow! I love dresses and its hard for me to find ones that I like, so this is exciting for me. 

Yesterday I watched 10 episodes of "I Survived" on Hulu. I don't know why, but I love that show. My sister Erin thinks I am crazy to watch it since I live alone. She called my mom to tell on me. 

1 month and 3 days until the Hunger Games comes out!! AHHHHHH!!!

I'm not excited to go back to work tomorrow. I wish I had three weeks off to craft, sleep, and spend time with the muffin babies.

I think I am going to start a new feature on this blog. Maybe something called "Crap I tell my clients" or " Your weekly therapy", or something strange like that. Brace yourselves! 

Lori Ann

You put the light in my life

This morning, when I got to work, I was joking with the girls at my office. I told them "Beware, I'm expecting numerous flower deliveries". 

I'm usually ok with this side of the Spinster life. You get the freedom, but you don't get the flowers.

Except this Valentines Day, I did get flowers. 

Thank you, Erin. You are the best sister anyone could ask for too!!

Lori Ann

All you need is Love

Here it is...the long awaited, critically acclaimed, fairly bad ass

SPINSTERS GUIDE TO ROMANCE FOR ALL YOU SMUG MARRIEDS

In lieu of my traditional list format, I've decided to bring you this years guide in the form of my interpretation of quotes from the great romantics in history. We'll start with Byron.

Byron once said: 

"Friendship may, and often does, grow into love, but love never subsides into friendship."

Byron and I have a lot in common. We both love(d) gay men and our own close family members. For him, a half sister, for me, my red headed hottie of a first cousin, Gregory Francis. 

ANYWAY,

Consider the above quote and ask yourselves...Have you allowed your love to subside into friendship?

You and the spouse shouldn't be chatting companionably over cups of hot chocolate whilst watching American Idol. Trust me, if your love isn't stormy and passionate, you probably aren't really in love- shared history, children, and a lifetime of beautiful memories aside. 

So put down that remote, cut off an ear, and mail it to your spouse ASAP! (but don't just put it in the mailbox, that's lazy. Actually mail it from the post office or something.)

Now, Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

“Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death”

Some might say that this quote expresses a fervent wish to spend not only her life, but her eternity with her beloved husband. 

Don't be naive. 

Nothing is more beautifully tragic than mourning a lost love. After all, love is much easier when you don't have to put up with someone and their annoying habits. It seems to me that Elizabeth is warning her husband.   She probably wanted to say something along the lines of "Violets are blue, blood is red, I'll remember you when you are dead"

Then she realized that it would be plagiary because that's already in the Babysitters Club book "Kristy's Mystery Admirer" and just went with the whole "I shall but love thee better after death" thing. 

What we can take from this is really that love and fear go hand in hand. So give your spouse chocolates, but put arsenic in one, kind of a Russian roulette sort of thing. Maybe they'll eat it, maybe they won't. Either way, you'll laugh about it one day. (well, you definitely will..them..possibly not)

Lastly, and perhaps the most powerful..the immortal words of Meatloaf.

"I'll do anything for love, but I won't do that"

What couple hasn't warmed themselves by the fireside, listening to the smooth tones of this poetry set to music? I know I have a Meatloaf mix for when I invite Gregory...umm..hot gay boys over. 

This one kind of explains itself. You'll do anything for love, except THAT.

I'm sure we all know what THAT is, but in case you weren't sure, I've created a list for your edification.

I'll do anything for love but I won't do...

dishes

weed

marinate the Thanksgiving turkey we're taking to your mothers in beer

watch hockey, even if it's an American team

play Jenga

paper mache

twister at your office Christmas party

any Harry Potter role playing

a family photo in an orchard

go to Cleveland 

pilates at the community center for seniors

a Sandra Bullock movie marathon

Obviously Meatloaf couldn't fit all of that into the song, although I hear there are some bootleg extended versions out there.

Anyway, I wish you all the very merriest of Valentines Days!!! 

Lori Ann