Raw meat is the new black

I had 7 cancellations at work today. Probably because it was 66 degrees and no one wants to go to therapy  when it is nice out. Not even the therapists. However, this gave me 7 blessed hours to get work done. And by "work", I mean taking self portraits on my phone. This is me with my contacts in. Breathtaking, isn't it??

This is Sugar, eating chips. My dad says she is a "trashcan cat" and will eat anything. She had raw hamburger at my parent's house for breakfast. That's how I like to roll too..raw burger for breakfast and chips for dinner.(and kitten chow for lunch) Boo-yah.

Oh yeah, I'm eating chips for dinner too. I can't eat healthy...Junior's here again. The burritos will make their appearance on Saturday night!!

Lori Ann

Te regalo mi locura

This is what my daily to do list looks like every day. It's how I manage my undiagnosed ADHD. 

Lori Ann

JJEK

Over the last 36 hours I have been involved in the following activities:

1. Creating a so called "Love Den".

2. Public urination (not by me!)

3. Teaching 5 kids under the age of 10 to duck when they see the police.

4. Encouraging truancy

5. Eating more totinos pizza than anyone ever should

6. A romantic spaghetti dinner with 4 kids and my brother

7. Flying kites in a muddy field

Over the last 36 hours I have screamed (literally) the following phrases:

1. No! You broke the kite!

2. That's not popcorn, it's kettle corn!

3. The last one in bed is losing a finger!

4. You can't walk home with no pants on!

5. Stop bossing me!

6. I'm turning you in for this. Wait until your mother hears this!

7. Katy is in crisis and all you can think about is your scooter!

Over the last 36 hours I have had the following magical experiences:

1. Watching Elly drag her little kite on the ground behind her, yelling "It's flying, Aunt Lori, it's flying!"

2. Waking up to Elly and Katy sleeping with me.

3. Letting the kids make the cookies completely on their own. Pretending it didn't make me a little bit sad. They need to stop growing.

4. Danielle telling me that every time she sees me I am shrinking more and more.

5. The funniest game of Settlers I have played in a while. (and witnessing Jackie's defeat!)

6. James voluntarily giving me three kisses.

7. Getting to be part of my nephews/nieces childhood on a perfect sunny March day. 

Thanks J and D for letting me be part of the magic. It means more to me than a decorative urn and/or Moroccan inspired throw pillows ever could.

Lori Ann

p.s.- I will get revenge for THIS! 

At Last

You guys,

I think I've for real found my soul mate.

All this time I was thinking it would be a gay man who would marry me for a green card and teach me to walk in high heels.

But it's SUGAR!

This morning we both had French toast and watched Project Runway on Hulu. And we both agreed that Kinley should have won.

It doesn't get any better than that. Sugar is completely legit.

Lori Ann

Leaping Lizards!

I couldn't miss this chance to post on Leap Day. 

I was going to make my clients leap in and out of my office today, but they all just wanted to be serious and talk about their problems and stuff.

Gosh.

Anyway, following in Leap Day tradition, I want to take this chance to propose to any and all of the hordes of single men who are devoted followers of my blog! Let's do this marriage thing!

On a different note, I am getting a teeny tiny glimpse into the life of a mother with this cat. She won't leave me alone to do things, like blog and eat endless bowls of Reeses Puffs. 

Then I feel guilty for not paying her more attention.

Holy Hannah, if this is what pet ownership is like, I don't know how you parents do it!

Speaking of wild and crazy cats... here is your daily Sugar. 

Lori Ann

For Erin and Katy

One of the great Spinster traditions is becoming a crazy cat lady. I've avoided it for years for a few reasons.

1. Animals don't like me. I used to think it was because I was a sociopath and they could sense it. But that was in the BML days... (Before medicated Lori).  I was crazy then. 

2. I hate to admit this, but I don't like being responsible for things. I don't have any plants, any fish, or anything that requires human warmth and kindness. 

3. Two words. Litter box. 

Anyway, I guess none of us can really escape our fates. You get married and have kids and one day you wake up wearing high waisted, tight at the ankles, light denim washed jeans and your husband's t-shirt. You stay a spinster and one day you wake up, owning 13 cats and yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off your lawn. Anyway, in tribute to my new status as a crazy cat lady..here are some pictures of my cat!

The Sugar cookie loves sleeping in the sun.

When she is not sleeping right next to my head. 

Or climbing right up into my face. 

These pictures are more for my sister and niece than anyone else. Sugar can't wait to meet both of you, Aunt  Erin and Katy Kat!

Lori Ann

Sugar, Sugar

This weekend was epic.

I spent some crazy time with my 

Four

Favorite 

People

In all the world.
 (bonus shot of Elly, just because she's so cute!)

Best quotes of the weekend:

"I found him on the tire swing with some weirdos" (said by Jack, after I sent him into the playground to find James)

"We're in the third dimension" (said by Elly, unsolicited, on the walk home from the park)

"When she approached me with the sausage, it was kind of creepy" (said by Jack, referring to Katy, as she walked by him at breakfast, eating her 5th sausage link)

"Aunt Lori, the dollar store doesn't sell promises" (said by Jack, when the toy submarine I bought him at the dollar store didn't work)

"The Chinese don't know the difference between baking powder and baking soda" ( said by Big Jack, in a typical Anti-Chinese rant)

" I want you two to get to know each other" ( said by Danielle, as a reason she was leaving to go read, instead of watching "The Voice" with me and Jack)

"You go use the downstairs potty!" (screamed by Katy, who is weirdly possessive of the upstairs bathroom)

" You know what's amazing? These stars we are looking at are the same stars that they saw even before Christopher Columbus discovered America.".... "No, they're not, Aunt Lori" ( Me, trying to impart the wonder of the cosmos to my nieces and nephews while star gazing, and then being corrected by Jack Jack..to which Danielle added "Yeah, my kids know this stuff, you can't pull anything over on them")

"You're a horrible mother! I feel like Sugar isn't in a safe environment!" (Erin, upon finding out I left my cat alone for 36 hours)

Umm...p.s.- I got a cat. Her name is Sugar! 

It was a crazy awesome weekend.  I hope we have many, many more!!

Lori Ann