I get so lost sometimes

Ok, it's time to do this thing...

A new Spinster Chronicles series dealing with

 Things I am not emotionally qualified to work on with my clients but I do it ANYWAY! 

For the inaugural edition of this series I am going to list

 the 
ten best

pieces of advice and/or words of wisdom  I have given my clients.

 And it's real, people.

 I've really said all of the following things.

10. I guess its ok to threaten people at church,

 as long as you don't have a real plan or a weapon or anything.

9. You might want to talk to your priest about any exorcisms...

 I'm not really trained in that.

8. If we can't talk about it in front of people of any race,

 We aren't going to discuss it.

  (A group session in which  one of the boys I was working with looked around and said "Oh good, everyone here is white.." and then began to talk)

7. It's not really my place to say whether or not you should sleep with him.

You've got to make that decision.

6. I think it's important for you to see my Prom pictures.

 It's part of this journey.

(the above is not my real Prom picture.
 You will never see it!)

5. I don't think your hair color really impacts your mental health.

Unless you're unhappy with it, of course.

4. I mean, yes, I think I've seen a ghost a few times, but you have to decide for yourself if your house is haunted.

3. If Madonna makes you angry, it's probably time to take a break.

What else have you got in your itunes?

2. I always support a decision to recommit to celibacy.

1. If she was trying to poison you, she probably wouldn't have eaten the spaghetti too.

 Just wait to eat until she takes a bite.

So, yeah. I'm legit.

 Look for next week's edition entitled

"What not to say to your clients"

Lori Ann

 Your Daily Sugar

If words could make wishes come true

Today was filled with my three favorite things:
(well when tequila, strippers, and taunting the cops aren't readily available)

 Experimental vegetarian cooking

 Beautiful  PA countryside,

And time with my Sugar shaker!!

I've come to accept that I will not be able to stop myself from posting at least one picture of the Sugar cookie every post.

I was looking for Brandywine Creek State Park
(which is 3 miles from my apartment) 

But got lost and drove through about 20 miles of stunning PA/DE countryside.

Rolling hills, covered bridges, narrow, winding roads, old stone walls and houses that are older than our country.

It honestly takes my breath away. 

There is no place more beautiful in all the world to me.

I was driving, taking a picture and making a wish all at the same time.

This picture doesn't even do it a little justice.

 It.Was.Stunning.

Anyway, I wrote a post about my experimental black bean and artichoke burritos here.

 Look it up if you are feeling adventurous. 

I will begin my highly anticipated series  tomorrow.

Brace yourselves!! 

Lori Ann

You and I

I am resisting the urge to make this post about my cat.

I fear that I am slowly becoming one of those people..the ones I have always mocked..the ones obsessed with their pets. But in all seriousness, when you have a cat as cute as Sugar, it's kind of your duty to share it with the world.

Isn't she precious??

Anyway, here are the random updates on my super exciting life!

1. I am going to check out the walking trails at Brandywine Creek State Park tomorrow. Cross your fingers for no serial killers lurking in the woods:)

2. I got a new dress. It's red and white. Now I have like 4 dresses. I am slowly turning into a 50's housewife. Just without the house or the whole wife thing.

3. I have been outside getting vitamin D everyday. I think it's been really great for my mental health. Also, I think I kind of have freckles. But not real freckles. We'll see. 

4. I am getting rid of all of the last holdouts of junk food in my apartment. Junior came up and now I have various things that I haven't wanted to get rid of. But after eating both Trix cereal and ice cream for breakfast, I have decided that my health is more important than a 30 second thrill of sugar.

5. But I'm having one more bowl of Trix before I throw it out in the morning:)

 Mom and her favorite child of all time..the Thomas muffin. 

Lori Ann

Raw meat is the new black

I had 7 cancellations at work today. Probably because it was 66 degrees and no one wants to go to therapy  when it is nice out. Not even the therapists. However, this gave me 7 blessed hours to get work done. And by "work", I mean taking self portraits on my phone. This is me with my contacts in. Breathtaking, isn't it??

This is Sugar, eating chips. My dad says she is a "trashcan cat" and will eat anything. She had raw hamburger at my parent's house for breakfast. That's how I like to roll too..raw burger for breakfast and chips for dinner.(and kitten chow for lunch) Boo-yah.

Oh yeah, I'm eating chips for dinner too. I can't eat healthy...Junior's here again. The burritos will make their appearance on Saturday night!!

Lori Ann

Te regalo mi locura

This is what my daily to do list looks like every day. It's how I manage my undiagnosed ADHD. 

Lori Ann

JJEK

Over the last 36 hours I have been involved in the following activities:

1. Creating a so called "Love Den".

2. Public urination (not by me!)

3. Teaching 5 kids under the age of 10 to duck when they see the police.

4. Encouraging truancy

5. Eating more totinos pizza than anyone ever should

6. A romantic spaghetti dinner with 4 kids and my brother

7. Flying kites in a muddy field

Over the last 36 hours I have screamed (literally) the following phrases:

1. No! You broke the kite!

2. That's not popcorn, it's kettle corn!

3. The last one in bed is losing a finger!

4. You can't walk home with no pants on!

5. Stop bossing me!

6. I'm turning you in for this. Wait until your mother hears this!

7. Katy is in crisis and all you can think about is your scooter!

Over the last 36 hours I have had the following magical experiences:

1. Watching Elly drag her little kite on the ground behind her, yelling "It's flying, Aunt Lori, it's flying!"

2. Waking up to Elly and Katy sleeping with me.

3. Letting the kids make the cookies completely on their own. Pretending it didn't make me a little bit sad. They need to stop growing.

4. Danielle telling me that every time she sees me I am shrinking more and more.

5. The funniest game of Settlers I have played in a while. (and witnessing Jackie's defeat!)

6. James voluntarily giving me three kisses.

7. Getting to be part of my nephews/nieces childhood on a perfect sunny March day. 

Thanks J and D for letting me be part of the magic. It means more to me than a decorative urn and/or Moroccan inspired throw pillows ever could.

Lori Ann

p.s.- I will get revenge for THIS! 

At Last

You guys,

I think I've for real found my soul mate.

All this time I was thinking it would be a gay man who would marry me for a green card and teach me to walk in high heels.

But it's SUGAR!

This morning we both had French toast and watched Project Runway on Hulu. And we both agreed that Kinley should have won.

It doesn't get any better than that. Sugar is completely legit.

Lori Ann