Euro trash Utopia

My favorite quotes from my sleepover with the kids:

" Go on with your lies, Aunt Lori"
 (Jack-Jack- when I told him that I had to take care of his mother as a child as she was a sickly)

"I think it's mad!!"
 (Elly- talking to me in the middle of the night about her cat Willow.)

She claimed she was scared to let Willow sleep with her because she felt that Willow was mad. (Willow was sleeping) 

"I put my gum behind my ear when I'm eating meals"
 (James- who later had to have gum cut out of his hair)

"Honey mustard- more than meets the eye"
 (James- discussing pretzel dips)

"You break all the rules!"
(Jack-Jack, referring to me letting them eat cookies for dinner, stay up late,
 and go see the fountain at night)

It was a awesome sleepover with my very favorite people. 

Let's do it again as soon as possible muffin babies!!

Aunt Lori

Someone ate my corn dog!

Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads

Henry David Thoreau

Lori Ann

& 

JJE

He Hears Me

I love my clients.

 They make me want to be a better person.

Lori Ann

Your daily Sugar

p.s.- I've found the man of my dreams.

His name is Stefon.

 Check out my future spouse here!

The Ides of March

My SUPER INTENSE goals for today:

1. Use the phrase

"it's not a destination, it's a journey" 

in every single session with my clients.

It's my new catchphrase...it works so well in all conversations.

A few examples

"Hey, we are out of toilet paper"

"It's not a destination, its a journey"

"I am making spaghetti for dinner"

"It's not a destination, its a journey"

And on and on...

Back to the goals....

2. Get Sugar string cheese.

It's keeps her placid and docile.

3. Call the Elly belly and Katy kat and make plans for this weekend. 

4. Make wealthy friends.
 (well, this is my goal everyday.)

5. Fall desperately in love with an unattainable man.

Preferably gay

but I am also currently accepting the following forms of unattainability:

 A man engaged to an angry ginger

 mental illness

Priests

and those whose immigration status is forcing them to leave America forever.

That is all.

Lori Ann

Your daily Sugar

p.s.- On a completely unrelated note, about 3 years ago on this day I was weirdly consumed with an interest in  finding out more about my dad's brother Ray, who died at age 4 after being hit by a car.

 I was on the internet for hours and late that night I found his birth certificate.

He had been born on March 15th, the same day I was looking for him.

Weird, eh?

To let you go

Sugar and I got back on the heroine caffeine today.

 So much for that resolution.

I don't know if working in mental health and not having access to mass amounts of caffeine really go hand in hand. 

On a more optimistic note,

I did stop myself from buying 8 dollars worth of Easter Candy.

And Sugar is kind of off the cat nip.

 After all...

Quitting isn't a destination, it's a journey

Honestly, I don't know that Sugar and I are the best influence on each other.

She hasn't gotten behind my no soda pledge at all and I keep buying her cat nip mice.

 We're enablers at best and unhealthy co-dependents at worst.

This blog just keeps getting better and better, right?

Lori Ann

  &

Sugar December

I get so lost sometimes

Ok, it's time to do this thing...

A new Spinster Chronicles series dealing with

 Things I am not emotionally qualified to work on with my clients but I do it ANYWAY! 

For the inaugural edition of this series I am going to list

 the 
ten best

pieces of advice and/or words of wisdom  I have given my clients.

 And it's real, people.

 I've really said all of the following things.

10. I guess its ok to threaten people at church,

 as long as you don't have a real plan or a weapon or anything.

9. You might want to talk to your priest about any exorcisms...

 I'm not really trained in that.

8. If we can't talk about it in front of people of any race,

 We aren't going to discuss it.

  (A group session in which  one of the boys I was working with looked around and said "Oh good, everyone here is white.." and then began to talk)

7. It's not really my place to say whether or not you should sleep with him.

You've got to make that decision.

6. I think it's important for you to see my Prom pictures.

 It's part of this journey.

(the above is not my real Prom picture.
 You will never see it!)

5. I don't think your hair color really impacts your mental health.

Unless you're unhappy with it, of course.

4. I mean, yes, I think I've seen a ghost a few times, but you have to decide for yourself if your house is haunted.

3. If Madonna makes you angry, it's probably time to take a break.

What else have you got in your itunes?

2. I always support a decision to recommit to celibacy.

1. If she was trying to poison you, she probably wouldn't have eaten the spaghetti too.

 Just wait to eat until she takes a bite.

So, yeah. I'm legit.

 Look for next week's edition entitled

"What not to say to your clients"

Lori Ann

 Your Daily Sugar

If words could make wishes come true

Today was filled with my three favorite things:
(well when tequila, strippers, and taunting the cops aren't readily available)

 Experimental vegetarian cooking

 Beautiful  PA countryside,

And time with my Sugar shaker!!

I've come to accept that I will not be able to stop myself from posting at least one picture of the Sugar cookie every post.

I was looking for Brandywine Creek State Park
(which is 3 miles from my apartment) 

But got lost and drove through about 20 miles of stunning PA/DE countryside.

Rolling hills, covered bridges, narrow, winding roads, old stone walls and houses that are older than our country.

It honestly takes my breath away. 

There is no place more beautiful in all the world to me.

I was driving, taking a picture and making a wish all at the same time.

This picture doesn't even do it a little justice.

 It.Was.Stunning.

Anyway, I wrote a post about my experimental black bean and artichoke burritos here.

 Look it up if you are feeling adventurous. 

I will begin my highly anticipated series  tomorrow.

Brace yourselves!! 

Lori Ann