If your train's on time

 

A Rant About My Work

(aka I'm more like my dad than I realized)

I work for a non profit. It's a good company. I don't want to say anything negative about it (because this is the Internet, y'all). But I am still frustrated by my work at times.

I didn't become a therapist because it was my driving passion to help people overcome their mental health struggles.

I didn't become a therapist because I have a deep interest in the working of the human brain.

I became a therapist more by happenstance, a strange detour to North Carolina, and how much it costs to take the GRE.

So, I wouldn't call what I do my calling in life. But I still really really want to do a good job.

 (that's the part where I'm like my dad. He's of the old school "give people quality for their money" type philosophy)

When you get to know people and they tell you things they've never said to anyone else and when they've cried and broken down and asked YOU for help, you know that you have to help them. You can't leave them in the office at 5 pm and pick them back up the next morning at 9.

I dream about my clients every night. Every single one.

And that's what frustrates me so much about my work.

I can't give these people the time, mental energy, and effort that each one of them deserves.

I'm drowning in paperwork and by the time I come up for air, it's time for another session. With someone whose file I haven't had a chance to even look at since their last appointment.

I haven't had time to research resources for them or even think about what I am going to say.

I think I could make the time and give these clients what they really deserve but it would require me to give up my own life.

 I couldn't come home and watch the news with my parents. Or lay out on the soccer field, screaming "go Elly, go!". Or workout with Tory.

I'd have to come in early and leave late every day to give them what I honestly believe they deserve and stay on top of my paperwork as well.

I've gone down that road before in North Carolina. I got so burnt out that I didn't care about anything anymore.

I guess there isn't any easy answer here.

My company is a good company and I know they mean well but they have regulations to follow and they need to get more and more people in the door to pay the bills.

My clients are good people who are understanding and seem happy (for the most part) with the limited help I can offer.

I feel like I am a good person who wants to do the right thing but isn't always sure what that is. 

Maybe this is a first world problem. And maybe since I'm a full time working woman and spinster most people that read this (hey Mom!) won't be able to relate. I don't know.

It's just what I wanted to say today.

Lori Ann

You are my candy

This is my life. Random soccer nights and mildly depressed cats. It doesn't get much more legit than that.

Sugar, Sugar.

My sister calls these two the peanut butter and jelly. They are kind of soccer rock stars!

Lori Ann

You stole my heart

What I love about my life right now:

Singing "We are never EVER EVER getting back together...like ever" with Miss Elly Monroe. 

The notorious Monroe sisters

Seeing the Elly Bean and Jack-Jack give their testimonies today.

Listening to "Just give me a reason" by Pink and that guy from Fun. I am in love with his voice. He is my new Adam Levine.

Organizing my life. I think I do it to combat the seasonal affective disorder that hits me every summer. It is sooo hot here and that makes me angry and sad. 3 1/2 months until fall.

Speaking of which, I love PA summer thunderstorms. They are like no other rain I've ever experienced. 

I love that as I lose weight I am sleeping less and less. I think I average about 6-7 hours a day. Much better than 9-10. I want to be awake for my life.

Another side effect is the increased energy and focus. Which is odd because I am completely off caffeine and sugar but I am more focused and energized than ever. Anyway, I am starting to kind of dust off my life ambition list and I am thinking more and more that there is nothing I can't do if I want it enough. 

Being off facebook. It kind of reminds me of my relationship with caffeine. I didn't think I'd be able to get by without it, but ultimately it's kind of draining. 

Watching my sister's kids sporting events. They are still at an age where they get excited when they make a good play or their team wins. Something about their big smiles and excitement is so magical to me. 

Lori Ann

Run,run,run,run,run,run,run,run,run,run,run away

More health and fitness life updates! (yes! You know are you freakishly excited!)

Is masochism a pre-req for personal trainers, do you think? Or does it just develop over time within the profession? Because my personal trainer is EVIL and enjoys seeing me SUFFER. (yes, all caps was called for in both of those).Today; after every painful thing, he would say "see? that was cake" and then say "Don't worry, we've only got 3 sets left".

Today I did dumbbells and that thing where you push the bar with weights when you are laying on your back. Like legit gym stuff.

Evil. Evil. Evil.

On a positive note, I've lost a total of 109 lbs from my all time high, 20 something just since I've been going to the gym.I think I am developing what they call a 'transfer addiction'. I've given up sugar and caffeine and am now obsessed with working out. This is an addiction I can live with!

I am also obsessed with "the voice". It makes me mad when people get angry when 'the really good singers' are eliminated. Listen, I don't care if you are a vocal powerhouse. I want to feel a sense of connection and some entertainment, people. Also, once you wear feathers, I can't vote for you anymore.

That was kind of random.

This whole post is random. Maybe because I am writing it superfast in between my 8 APPOINTMENTS today.

I am back in that crazy phase where I am overbooking and oh my gosh I wish it were Friday at 5 pm already.

So I could be done for the week and go work out:)

Lori Ann

We take increased devotion

It's Memorial Day.

And I am in my office before 7 am.

I don't have to work today but something about having the day off inspires me to come in and get work done. Which is; of course, the opposite of how I feel on days when I am actually at work.

I have a lot of random life updates. But I will fill you in another day.

 Because it's Memorial Day. One of the most important days of the year.

As I have gotten older I have come to appreciate Memorial Day more. Maybe because I am increasingly aware of how rare a thing true freedom really is or because I'm old enough to be the mother of a lot of the soldiers that gave their lives for this country.

I couldn't imagine having my son sent home to me in a pine box. How do you live through something like that? That kind of sacrifice is; for me, unfathomable.

But it does remind me, as Memorial Day always does, that being an American is more than just a privilege but a responsibility.

To whom much is given, much is expected.

Lori Ann

Ps- this is a picture of my grandpa Hinsdale( far left)and two of his brothers. All WW2 vets. (and very handsome... I can't believe how young they look!)

Same old song

Ok, so you know when blogs start to get all themey? And tedious?

That's totally the direction this blog is going in.

TSC's new theme is health and fitness, baby!

Yesterday; after work, I walked 2.2 miles. In a dress and sneakers.

Today; before work, I walked for a total of an hour (2.5 miles) and did my strength training.

I have lost 6 lbs this week.

I will admit that I do have a kind of manic tendency to get fixated on something and then burn out.

Like making wreathes out of felt.

Watching Harry Potter movies over and over.

The Brokeback Mountain obsession of 07.

Making my own soup when I lived in NC.

The election.

Glitter.

Adding the word b@$*ches to the end of all of my sentences.

Hummus.

All of these obsessions have come and gone.

But I'm hoping this one..this "I've got to work out somehow today" obsession doesn't burn out.

We'll see...b@$*ches!

Lori Ann

I don't want to be a pretty girl

Sooo....

I lost 3 more lbs. That's 103 for all of you keeping count. And since I avoided the camera like a plague when I was at my all time high (in 2009-2010 ish) the only before picture that I have is of my license. Brace yourselves. 

Yikes. 

This is my current after picture- I still have a long way to go. 

So..that's my progress so far. (this was for you, Tyler!)

On a related note, I went walking at the park today. 2.2 miles. I always tell my clients to do something that is rejuvenating for them. For me, walking in PA is the ultimate in rejuvenation. I don't know why but no place compares to here. I love the trees. They are just the right shade of green. I love the rainy spring days and the chilly fall nights and absolutely everything in between. (ok..except for the humidity in summer... I wish I could live in Colorado every summer)

Anyway, just walking, listening to my crazy mix of music and being outside makes me feel like I can do anything. Here are my favorite parts of the trail that I walk. 

And lastly, on a completely unrelated note, I am trying to find quotes to hang up in my office. Another thing that is rejuvenating for me is surrounding myself with quotes and song lyrics. Does anyone have a favorite? Something that you would like to see on the wall of your therapists office?

Thanks for listening to me ramble!!

Lori Ann