To drag the past out into the light

Random Thoughts on a Wednesday

I have been going through my blog and editing and deleting posts and getting it cleaned up and ready to be printed.

Not that I am done blogging.

Fear not!

But I do want to print out the Spinster Years.

Maybe for Christmas.

Anyway, its so funny to remember the last 7 years and the little stories I forgot and pictures I haven't looked at in years. 

I would say a few common themes have emerged in this blog over the last 7 years.

 I tend to do best with "Random Thought" posts. 

My mind resists themed or one subject posts. 

I am 100% the HAPPIEST in Fall. 

Every single fall, my posts become filled with happiness and excitement and a million pictures and goals and just life. 

For every amazing fall, almost every summer is clearly depressing. 

My posts are apathetic and pointless. 

I say "Is summer over yet?" at the end of practically every post.

 I write like someone with a lot of underlying, barely concealed insecurities. 

Frequently apologizing for rambling posts, seeking laughs or approval in blog tributes and weird immature jokes. 

On a related note...

The two biggest changes since the beginning of this blog are:

 increased self confidence 

and 

 falling out of the aunt role I loved so much. 

Maybe it's been the last year. 

Almost dying.

Losing Lily Jane. 

Finding Rich.

Accepting certain things I could never accept before.

I am stronger and be calm and confident about who I am as a person than I have ever been. 

And, as much as I love being 'Aunt Lori' I respect that my sister had to set boundaries for herself and do what she thought was best for her children.

I miss them though. 

60 days until the wedding!!

Lori Ann

Surprise !!

hacked by the old man, muha ha ha ha ha!!! More of Oreo's mad ramblings, I see!

We'll never be royals

Fall is almost here.

The kind of almost that is completely tormenting!

You start to think..."Oh, its nice and breezy..here comes fall" and then the next day is like a sauna 

and you literally lay on the ground in despair.

(or someone does...not me..nope)

About 61 days until my wedding. 

My sister Erin told me that marriage takes "really hard work and a lot of manipulation"   

I am working on breaking Rich down and rebuilding him into the perfect husband. 

I like to send him passive aggressive text messages. 

Like "Ok"

Answering a text someone sends you with just the word "ok" is ALWAYS passive aggressive :) 

ANYWAY...

There are days when I think of not getting married.

I am kind of used to this festive, spinster life. 

I don't like compromise.

I don't like to answer to anyone. 

I don't like men.

But then I think...

"Eh, let's do this!!" 

The next post I will write about him and my wedding and life.

So much change in such a short time. 

Life is strange that way. 

Lori Ann

Far beyond my reach

I always tell my clients that if you want change in your life, 90% of what you need is the desire for change. 

The other 10% is just logistics. 

I am kind of at a crossroads in my life and I want to start a new chapter.

 I like the idea of turning the page and having a clean, blank page to write the next part of my life story. 

It's not that I have been miserable or anything. 

But I will say that I have been stagnant in the last few years.

 And I am not happy stagnating. 

I am comfortable, just not happy. 

So, here's to the next chapter of life- I hope its filled with growth and goals accomplished and crazy fun adventures and whatever else God might have in store for me. 

69 days until the wedding, people. 

I honestly have done nothing and don't plan to until the beginning of October. 

I work better under pressure :) 

Lori Ann 

To find my own

 

I have been tormenting Rich lately.

 

The poor thing.

 

I had to deactivate my facebook because I kept correcting his grammar in the comments section of his posts.

 

And facebook stalking his WEIRD ex.

 

He is so the opposite of me in some ways- laid back, ok avoiding conflict, doesn't overanalyze.

 

I keep asking him "Are you sure you want to marry a therapist?"

 

After dinner tonight, I made him sit with me on the back porch and tell me, in detail, about his family relationships.

 

I've sent him a number of emails asking  about his childhood, his relationships, his work history, his goals for the future, and other somewhat intrusive, interrogation style questions.  

 

Yesterday I sent him an email that  I called 'The Bad List" which was a list of everything that is wrong with me.

 

Everything, people.

 

I told him how I find Twizzlers to be irritating, how I resent league bowling nights, and how I am kind of a man hater.

 

And so much more.

 

I should probably get him on some medication before the wedding...or at least get him started on a heavy drinking habit. :)

 

70 days until the wedding.

 

If he doesn't have a mental breakdown before then.

 

Lori Ann

 

p.s.- Next weekend I am going to meet his mom and brother for the first time. They've been avoiding me....not wise. :)

 

In moments unforgettable

So...for someone who has watched wedding shows and wedding dress shows and everything like that for YEARS, I am surprisingly not super interested in wedding planning. 

I honestly wish I could hire a wedding planner- not because I want something perfect or I can't take the stress but because it's all kind of tiresome. 

All I know is the FEELING I want. 

I want a chilly, bright fall day in PA with the smell of burning leaves and the feeling of American history all around. 

If you have ever watched M. Night Shamalyn's "The Village"- it has the same vibe as the wedding I want. A little Amishy, simple, stunning fall colors

. Does that make sense?

 Probably not to anyone who isn't from here. 

(and obsessed with fall like me)

I think I am going to pass the reins on planning to my sisters. 

My main focus is going to be on making Rich like the same music as me and on decorating our apartment. 

Lori Ann

As every fairy tale comes real

It's been 6 months and 6 days since I almost died. 

And it has been the craziest 6 months and 6 days of my life.

Crazy good and crazy bad. Sometimes just crazy. 

I am not the same person who went into the ER at 3 am on Feb. 7th. 

That date will always mark a before/after in my life. 

Like my mission did.

Like graduating college did. 

Like getting my baby Sugar did. 

I hope the next year on this blog is one of adventure, growth and progression. 

Sincerely, 

The future Mrs. Walker