Occupy Chuck E. Cheese!!

I try to avoid the news whenever possible. It interferes with the celebrity gossip and reality show watching regime I’m committed to.

However, one cannot escape discussion of the “Occupy Wall street” protests and it’s made me think about things that I’ve always wanted to protest but didn’t have either A. the nerve B. any knowledge or C. the ability to rise above my natural inclination towards apathy.

Anyway- here it is…

Top Five Things/Places/Ideas I would totally Occupy.

5. It’s been about 13 years, but I am still protesting Burger King’s

“new” fries. I mean, come on..What is with the batter coating? It’s gross. And I really resent having to go to BK for my burger and McD’s for my fries. That’s too much to ask of the American people.

4. Indian Summers. Come on, summer…isn’t it enough that you have been sucking the life out of all of us since about mid-April with your scorching heat, endless barbecues, and lame block buster movie releases? Now you’re going to extend into the few weeks we get of fall? Not cool, summer. Not cool. Literally.

3. Showers. No, not the kind where you get clean (I’m only mildly opposed to those), but rather the “baby/wedding/house warming/ etc, etc” variety. I protest the exclusiveness of these events. What if you are, for example, single, childless, and living a tragic hand to mouth existence in a dingy apartment? Don’t you deserve monogrammed hand towels from Sears?? Don’t you?? Answer me!!

2. Tipping. We need to take our cue from Europe on this one. I’ve been an American for 32 glorious years and I still don’t get exactly how tipping works. Do you tip if you pick up your own pizza? What about the mail man? What’s the rate? 15 %? Is that for every restaurant or just fancy ones? If you pay 100 bucks for furniture delivery, doesn’t that mean you don’t have to tip?? Ahhhh!!!! Tipping, you evil troll. What do you torment me like this??

1. Target weekend shoppers. This group of people embodies the death knell of culture, the American dream, and even human decency as a whole. I went to Target last weekend and the things I saw…well, I won’t say because I know many of you gather around this blog with your children at night and I don’t want to scare them. Just know this..You’re not safe. Not even in the pet food slash broom and mop aisle.

So…there you have it. The groups, things, and ideas I (in my head) spend my days railing against. A complete list would be about 200 items long, but these are the truly the most enraging.

Peace out, girls scouts!!

Lori Ann

The Perks of Being Single

Let me preface this post by saying that I know what I am missing. Eternal companionship. Camaraderie. The joy of motherhood. Some seriously amazing things. Which is why I console my spinster self with the following...

Bubble baths (bubbles added later or they all fizzzle out) and Harry Potter with sparkling cranberry juice.

Late night noodles and apple cider.

Wait..this isn't a perk. It's the work I've been avoiding. Ohhhh...see, you can avoid work as a spinster. There's no avoiding the children. They'll find you, no matter how hard you hide. The same can't be said for my discharge summaries:)

On an unrelated note, I reread my patriarchal blessing today. I keep it in my Life Ambition Book, which I keep in my desk. I didn't notice this part until after I stated my career. It's helps me feel calm, like I've got the right job.

Lori Ann

It caught on in a flash

From the mission. Tocando puertas gives you time to plan alot of things..creative picture taking being one.

I've been trying all week to write a poem about fall.

It's been a travesty. Muddled verses about falling leaves and chilly breezes.

I can't find the words to encapsulate the pure heavenly joy that is; for me, everything fall.

Today was a perfect fall day -beautiful, clear, and crisp.

My parents and brother came to visit and we had cheese steaks and went to the Christmas Tree Shoppe.

(which was un-freaking-believable..rivals IKEA for my favorite store ever status!)

And now tonight-

My jack o lantern is on its last legs, but I've got it burning for one last night. My little ceramic haunted house too.

The only thing missing from my being perfectly content with all the world and life is missing seeing one little bat, one giraffe, one dinosaur, and one handsome Harry Potter:)

Lori Ann

All Hallows Eve

At my house on All Hallows Eve we (well..just me) are all about watching "Disney's Halloween Treat" on Youtube.

And eating our fancy fall meal.

 Yes, I know it's just chicken and potatoes.

 But its on a fancy plate and there's sparkly cranberry juice!

And now..on to the third element of my annual Halloween ritual..watching Matt Damon movies!!

Lori Ann

Random Thoughts: Saturday evening edition

It's snowing!

 My mom said the last time she remembers it snowing in October was the year I was born.

It's weird to see the juxtaposition of the fall leaves and the snow.

It creates some serious cognitive dissonance for me.

The view from my window at home is AMAZING.

 I tried to get pictures, but they turned out really badly.

 I feel like I am in a really cool snow globe up here on the 4th floor!

I am watching scary movies tonight.

 YAY!

 I love to scare myself a little.

Yesterday I had to do 6 diagnostic assessments.

4 of which were in Spanish.

 Every once in a while I have a moment where I am really kinda impressed with myself.

 I can listen to someone talk in Spanish, all the while writing the assessment in English, speaking back to them in Spanish, etc.

Maybe it's not that impressive to anyone else, but it's one thing I'm proud of.

Anyway, I am rambling now...I'm off to take a bubble bath, make some hot chocolate, light up my jack o lantern, and then scary movie night can begin!!

Lori Ann

And it made me complete

My FALL FESTIVE night.

 It all started with..

Chinese Food and Pumpkin Carving!!

(Thanks again, Eri!)

Project Runway...oh Joshua..I love you and I hate you at the same time.

My finished pumpkin! It's supposed to be the night sky.

The moon isn't carved all the way through..it has a muted glow compared to the stars, which is really cool in person..doesn't translate as well by picture:/

Lastly, this week's picture of me.

I will start putting ones of me doing things, instead of these strange head shots.

 But seriously, work is failing to entertain me.

So I needed to spend 20 minutes taking random pictures of myself.

 I needed to do it.

Buenas noches amigitas!

Lori Ann

I take my feet off the ground

It's fall, it's fall, it's fall!!!

Fall is the upswing part of my Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I love everything about it.

I have really strong childhood memories attached to fall.

Apple cider, trick or treating, staying up late watching the Muppets.

Sitting around the kerosene heater, raking leaves, playing outside with cold hands and red cheeks.

Magic.

Anyway,

Since this is my year of uncomfortableness, here is my agenda for the week leading up to Halloween:

1. Write a poem that expresses my love for Autumn
(I usually find poetry to be smug and self indulgent..but I am going to get uncomfortable and write a poem!)

2. Attend some kind of Halloween event.

Even if it's just a random community thing. I don't do enough stuff like that.

3. Lay in a pile of leaves

4. Make myself a magical fall meal.

That last one doesn't really count.

I just put it on the list to make sure it gets done.

Brace yourself for the uncomfortable poetry laden, pile of leaves picture, magical fall meal blog posts to come!!

Lori Ann