More than my own life

Almost dying makes you look at life in a different way. 

It makes you appreciate things you might have been taking for granted.

Chocolate. Sleeping in your own bed. Friends. Good health. Chocolate.  

But more than anything else, my appreciation for my family grew by leaps and bounds these past few weeks.

When the surgeon told my parents I might not make it, my family immediately pulled together for me. 

My brother David and sister Erin and her husband Dan immediately bought tickets and flew out from Utah the next morning.

My sister Danielle left her 4 kids with her husband that same night and came to the hospital and spent all night awake by my side, talking to me, holding my hand, praying for me, and my mom said that I was comforted by the sound of her voice and my vitals stayed stable and I pulled through the night. 

My mom took off a week and a half from work and spent almost every hour of the day and night with me in the hospital. 

She held my hand through painful testing and bad news and slow progress.

 She comforted me when I cried over and over. 

 She talked to doctors on my behalf and relentlessly advocated for me. 

My dad cooked, drove, did laundry, drove to the city in the rain and snow to pick up and drop off at the airport- he kept everything running so everyone's attention could be focused on me. 

He brought me my stuffed rabbit Peachy (I've had her since I was 5) and gave me priesthood blessings and made me feel less scared- I'm never scared when my dad is there. 

My sisters came every day- they(and my my mom) helped me to and from the bathroom- even helping me change bedding or do quick clean ups to save me from embarrassment when I got so tangled up in tubes and IV's I didn't make it all the way to the bathroom. 

They made me laugh and helped me walk and listened to me rant. 

They reminded me why the word 'sister' is the most powerful non religious word in the world to me.

 For once, instead of fighting the title of 'little sister', I embraced the blessing of having two amazing and strong big sisters. 

I don't think I've ever loved and appreciated each of my family members more than I did over the last several weeks.  

I will never forget this experience.

 I will never forget the feelings of comfort and peace that I got from the love and support of my INCREDIBLE family.

 I love them more than my own life.

 I hope they know that. 

Lori Ann

Daughter of David Allen and Terry Ann

and little Sister of 

David Allen Jr, Danielle Christian, and Erin Leigh

(and sister in law to Jack and Dan and OF COURSE, aunt to Jack Allen 3rd, James Ray, Elizabeth Mae, and Katherine Danielle) 

You see her when you fall asleep

So....

The Spinster Chronicles has been on sabbatical the last few weeks due to a near death experience. 

Really. Near Death. 

On Feb. 7th, at 3 am I went into the ER with a sharp pain in my right side. 

It turned out that 1/3rd of my colon was dead. 

The surgeon told my parents that he wasn't sure I would make it. 

HOLY HANNAH. 

I might not make it?????

Luckily, I did and I spent the next week in the ICU in a painful and crazy recovery. 

I was released on Valentines Day and happily went home. 

Only to return 2 days later with an even sharper pain.

It was post surgical pneumonia with inflammation around my lungs.

 (The inflammation caused the WORST PAIN I HAVE EVER FELT) 

I spent another LONG week in the hospital, 

I am home again but receive 3 home health care visits a week to help with my wound vac

 (they had to cut me open to do an emergency colon resection and then wound can't just be sewed up)

I don't know when I can go back to work. 

I am staying with my parents. 

I LOST 20 LBS IN THE HOSPITAL!!!!

I plan to add a lot more detail in the next few posts- about my family, the experience, the staff- I don't want to forget the details that made this such a life changing experience. 

But I wanted to start with what happened. 

And to say that it did change me. 

It reminded me that I need to LIVE my life. 

Because, as cliched as it sounds, you never know how long you have. 

Lori Ann

I know you hate it when I leave the light on

Sugar as a kitten!!!!
(she would sleep by my head...now she is too independent for that! :/ ) 

I have no idea when Sugar was born. 

She came from an Amish farm and I don't think tracking and commemorating cat birthdays is a big priority for them.

So I chose Feb. 2nd- it's a Pennsylvanian holiday (Ground Hogs Day) and she is a quintessential PA cat. 

And I got her in winter, so it's kind of a celebration of our time together. 

Yesterday was her birthday. 

I've had my Sugar December for 4 years now. 

I love her so much. 

I think she is Heavenly Father's way of giving me a little glimpse of motherhood. 

I can't imagine my life without my little calico crazy cat. 

Lori Ann

And he has found me

As anyone who has read this blog knows, I am kind of obsessed with song lyrics. 

I connect more to the emotion of song lyrics than to any book, poetry, movie, or any other form of artistic expression.

Probably the only thing that inspires me on the same level is Pennsylvania in the fall.

Only 2 1/2 seasons to go until fall is back! 

Anyway, one of my favorite songs ever is "on my own" from Les Mis.

I particularly love the line "the river's just a river". 

There are so many things I've wanted my whole life and I can almost imagine that I have them in my mind and then I wake up and realize that I never had them, can never get them and that life goes on. 

(I am NOT talking about marriage- holy Hannah- I've been doing more marriage counseling lately and my resolve to die a mean, cat obsessed spinster grows stronger daily!) 

Anyway, the lyrics 

"I love him, but every day I'm learning... All my life I've been pretending" 

really hit me today. 

I can't ask someone for something they don't have to give. 

And it's time to let go. 

And be ok on my own. 

Like Eponine! 

(I would prefer not to die in revolution, though...)

Lori Ann

I come back to the place you are

My mom and I on my birthday. 

Tomorrow is my mom's 60th birthday.

She looks younger than me. 

She (and my sisters) all have much more of the fair Irish coloring than I do. 

My dad will be 70 in less than 5 years. 

When did they grow older? 

I always think of them as in their 40's at the oldest. 

But I'm almost in my 40's. :( 

Anyway, 

My mom is an amazing woman. 

She is kind, creative, smart, hard working, and fun. 

Some of the best days of my life have been spent with my mom.

I hope I have her for many more years to come. 

I can't imagine my life without her. 

Thanks for everything, Mom. 

You will never know how grateful that Heavenly Father made you my mom.

Love always, 

Lori Ann

(your baby)

A little sweetness in my life

I don't know how people have children. 

I worry so much about my cat, I can't imagine the worry and guilt and stress that come with raising a human child. 

I feel guilty because she is home alone all day. 

I worry that she is sad. 

I feel bad I can't spend every minute I am home petting her and playing with her. 

I stress about if she is getting enough of the right nutrients and staying hydrated. 

I have never had a long term pet before Sugar. 

She has been my little calico sidekick for almost 4 years. 

We've lived in three different places- 3 different counties even. 

(Counties mean a lot in PA- we are a commonwealth)

I love her little mini paws and her feisty nature. 

She is independent but loving. 

Playful but aloof.

She is my little adventure into motherhood. 

And she is probably just about all I can handle :) 

And that, people, is your Sugar 2016 update. 

You're welcome. 

Lori Ann

p.s.- I almost forgot your Mormon Fact: Mormons believe that all non human living things get automatic salvation (kind of entrance into heaven) because they obey God's will without even question...humans are the only ones who rebel or sin...although, Sugar might be exception...

I'll be

The handsome thing in the front (my nephew James) is speaking at church tomorrow!
 Mormons start "giving talks" (kind of like mini sermons) at age 12.
 Most of us are great public speakers!
I am going to add a "Mormon fact" to every post from now on!

ANYWAY...

Every year I make crazy resolutions. 

Most of which I break by noon on New Years Day. 

Like the year I wanted to go vegetarian (which I eventually did) and my sister Erin kept taunting me with chicken. 

Devil. 

Anyway, I am TRYING to keep in simple and focused this year. 

I want to work on 4 things: Spiritual, Physical, Mental, and Financial 

Here are my goals- just so I am sending the universe a clear message!!

Spiritual: Get into a solid habit of daily prayer and scripture study. Read Book of Mormon three times. 

Physical: Complete 2 half marathons and be back into almost daily exercise. If getting closer to my goal weight comes along with that, I'll take it, but I'm not focused on a number. 

Mental: I want to build my self confidence, increase my follow through, and work on taking adult responsibilities seriously. I want to be the best version of myself and be just happy. 

Financial: Get out of all non student loan related debt by Dec. 31st, 2016. Debt is such a chain and free will is our greatest gift from God. I want mine back. 

Wish me luck. Like I said in the last post- it's the Year of Lori...bitches! :) 

Lori Ann