Holding on too tight

So...

Lately, in therapy, I've taken to asking people to write me or tell me the story of their lives.

It has a lot of therapeutic benefits which I won't list because this blog can be something of a snooze fest as it is.

This blog is, in a lot of way, the story of my life.

 At least the story since the day I turned 30 anyway.

One of the things we are asked to do as Mormons is keep a journal.

 Keep a record of our lives and our thoughts.

And I don't really have any records.

I have destroyed every journal I've ever written out of fear of my sisters finding it.

 How dramatic, I know. 

So, this blog is really the only record I have. 

So, I thought I would write the story of my life here.

Starting from day 1.

Not all at once, of course.

That's insane.

Here is the beginning....

I was born on a snowy Sunday- October 7th, 1979.

 Conference Sunday.

I was the youngest child of David and Terry Hinsdale.

 She was 23 when I was born.

 He was 29.

They didn't know my gender.

When I was born by c-section my mom remembers saying "Now I have 3 girls" and the doctor said "I have 3 girls too!"

My siblings were at home being babysat by the missionaries. 

(It was the seventies, people)

My sibling's ages were as follows:

David Allen Jr.- 3 years, 2 months, and 4 days old.

Danielle Christian- 2 years, 2 months, and 2 days old.

Erin Leigh- 9 months and 27 days old.

That is what my family looked like the day I was born in Doylestown, PA.

I was the only one born in PA.

 My siblings were all born in Bridgeton, NJ.

As a matter of fact, James Ray (my nephew) and I are the only PA babies in our whole family.

That means a lot to me.

Pennsylvania has always been home to me.

 I've lived in 8 other states and when I am gone from PA, I feel lost.

I was born with almost black hair.

Not like my siblings

. And blue eyes.

 Like my siblings.

My parents had met in church about 5 years before this day.

 My dad is from Michigan and my mom lived all over the country before her dad retired from the Air Force.

 How they met in Jersey is beyond me.

My siblings have some small memories of me as a baby.

I don't remember anything until I turned 5 or so.

Riveting, isn't it?

Wait until we get to the next installment- Lori- the early childhood years!

Lori Ann

Pass you by

Here are some things you NEED to know about my life at this very moment.

Katy puked at the Wawa this morning.

I felt so bad for little Katy.

 She is really a trooper and handled herself well in a difficult situation.

I, on the other hand, am most likely going to be picked up by CYF any time now.

As she is puking, I am in line, surrounded by wild children, I am yelling "puke into your shirt", while wearing my sweats and a stained t-shirt and you know what I am buying???

Donuts and red bull.

I like to keep it classy, people.

Next thing you NEED to know is that DIVERGENT is actually coming out TONIGHT!

 I am going to the 9:30 showing.

 It's going to be epic!!

It's gotten bad reviews on Rotten Tomatoes but how bad can it really be?

 Wait..didn't I say the same thing about Mortal Instruments...?

It's going to be a wild night, either way!

I am having my second pizza party of the week today.

Group therapy and pizza just go together.

 Like individual therapy and alcohol.

 Or individual therapy and jelly beans.

Or individual therapy and pictures of my cat.  

But on the up side, I won't have to run any groups until MAY!!

My DSM-V should be arriving in the mail today.

 I can hardly wait!!

I just want to lay on my office floor and sleep.

 Or cry.

 Or eat jelly beans.

But these evals are NOT going to complete themselves.

Lori Ann

Our song

Today was an amazing day in a lot of ways. 

I got to take these monkeys to the park for 45 minutes.

 We had to leave before frostbite set in. 

I got back on a swing for the first time in probably 20 years.

 This year I have sledded, got on a swing, and a few million other things that delight me to no extent.  
(ignore that I am dressed like an umpa lumpa.)

I don't normally take pictures in Sacrament Meeting.

 But I had to capture the look on the Kat's face.

 She is so funny. 

I know you've been missing the selfies.

 That's my work badge picture in the middle.

 From about 18 months ago.

 Hopefully in 18 months, one of the outside ones will be the new middle picture!

What made today the most amazing was the brief talk I had with my branch president.
(kinda like a pastor but volunteer)

I've always known that God hears my prayers and watches out for me.

 I know that.

 I see His hand in my life every day.

But I felt like what President Adams said to me was really God speaking directly to me.

 I think I've only ever had one or two moments like that in my whole life.

It was amazing.

So, ending on an emo note again. 

Yikes.

I think we've used up our emo quotient for the entire year and it's not even April.

This time two weeks from now I will be done a 1/2 marathon.

Wish me luck as I train HARD over the next two weeks!

Lori Ann

And, I know

Random Thoughts Saturday Night

I spent 5 or 6 hours at the office today.

It's like being in space.

 Time has no meaning.

 I left when my mom called and told me to come home. 

I couldn't motivate myself to walk today.

 Which sucks because it was a beautiful day and tomorrow is supposed to be freezing. 

Speaking of tomorrow...I am wearing THIS to church. 

Well, not the yellow socks.

 I will try and get someone to take a picture of me in it.

 I got it at the thrift store for $10!!!

 Its also a size I haven't worn since high school.
 (I literally just paused to clap my hands in glee)

This thing has been making me laugh lately. 

Yesterday, I gave all of my sister's kids a dollar at the Walmart to pick something out.

 Katy couldn't choose between skittles or this pink hotwheels car.

 So, she eventually agreed to 'babysit' Sugar in exchange for getting two things.
(which will be interesting, to say the least)

 But she was making me laugh because she was sitting in the baby seat of the cart, shaking her head sadly and saying "Aunt Lori, I'm just very, very poor". :) 

There has been something of a scuffle over candy being eaten in primary.

 I was allegedly spotted teaching class while eating a lollipop.

 In all seriousness, why do only upper middle class white people have gluten allergies?

 Lame.

 In response to the no candy rule, I have recently stuffed my treat jar full of candy.

Never let it be said that I didn't fight the man when it was really important :) 

This time two weeks from now will be the night before my half marathon.

 I have been googling "What happens if you can't finish a half marathon on time?"
 (because there is no way I am making the 3 1/2 hour cut off time).

 Apparently, there are 'sweeper vans' that pick up the stragglers. 

I do not want to cross the finish line in the back of a van with the elderly and dehydrated. 

Both of my groups are ending this week.

 I run a teen and an adult social skills group.
(for people who are mostly on the Autism Spectrum)

 Hallelujah.

 Although that means I have to run two pizza parties this week.

 Because group therapy should always end with pizza. 

I saw a shooting star tonight.

 And I couldn't stop making wishes. 

I'm tired.

 Like deep down tired. 

Not to be cryptic or self pitying but sometimes I wonder why I still crave the attention and approval of people who have made clear that they don't find me that interesting. 

Let's end on that emo note. 

Lori Ann

And never back down

My goal is to get to the gym by 5:30 am tomorrow. 

I don't want to go. 

I don't want to ever step on another treadmill again.

I don't want to mutter under my breath when OF COURSE someone chooses the treadmill next to me even though there are like 20 free ones. 

I just don't want to do it. 

Which is why, almost every single night, I google the exact same thing. 

"Motivation to go to the gym"

Sometimes song lyrics get me to the gym. Sometimes it's pictures of my nieces and nephews. Sometimes it's seeing some ALMOST definition in my calves.

But on days when none of that works- it's google and weird motivational posters. 

Wish me luck. T-minus 7.5 hours until I am on that treadmill.

Lori Ann

Dre sent me to tick the world off

Some things my nieces and nephews said today that I never want to forget:

"Dear Aunt Lori. It's time to die"

" Aunt Lori, I am going to meditate"

(followed by assuming the universal, crossed legged pose of meditation)

" She will stab you to death with a knife"

(when I explained that their mom (my sister) will hurt me if I ever get in a car accident with them)

"I saw a boomerang in the sky. Which means Jesus is going to come back again"

(when cloud gazing and discussing the meaning of Vitamin D and revelation)

A random mother and son were at the same park/playground as us and the mom kept telling me "Your daughter keeps getting close to my dog" (she wasn't worried about her dog, she just wanted Katy to be safe)

I felt like saying 

"These children have no shoes on in a snowy playground. That should be your first sign that I'm not the mom"

A very sweet older lady gave all of the kids a quarter to get gumballs at the thrift store. They were so excited. 

I told them "When you get a chance to help someone, you've got to take it"

I think they were squabbling over the gumballs at that point and my poignant lesson about service was most likely not even heard :) 

I've got the coolest nieces and nephews on Earth.

Lori Ann

p.s.- A lot of my blog titles are going to be Eminem song lyrics. I listen to WAY too much while walking. 

Call her out by her name

You guys.

You know how I get fixated on different topics?

Like cooking? Or crafting? Or Glee?

This blog is a testament to my crazy obsessions.

My newest obsession is friendship.

My friends are amazing. 

They take my skittles.

The listen to me whine about problems of my own creation.

They ask me when (not IF) I am going to the gym.

They hike around work with me in the freezing cold.

They text me "22" at 6:30 in the morning to countdown to my half marathon.

They have the coolest maiden names I have ever heard.

They tell me that I am sexy. (And let's face it..I kinda am)

They make me laugh in a job that makes me want to cry every single day.

Their names mean Awakening (or daybreak) and Gift from God.

On a uncomfortable religious note, they both really are just that.

Thanks for being the most kick ass friends ever.

Lori Ann