Never can, never will, so

It just doesn't feel right to me unless I put up some random selfies. This one is in tribute to my new DARK BROWN NOT BLACK hair. Some say it looks goth. In the words of my brother in law- haters gonna hate:)

I am going to do another half marathon on August 24th. I wish they all weren't on Sundays. I sometimes feel like this a moment when I have to choose between a good choice (improving my health and goal setting) and a better choice (being at church to renew my covenants).

Conference was epic.

I used to have a strong desire to be an edgy Mormon. Now I find edgy Mormons to be boring.

Today is day 2 of my no sugar diet. Well, it's actually an all liquid diet. Remember the one my nutritionist approved but I was never able to stick to? That one.

Prepare for rambling posts over the next couple of days as I go into extreme sugar and carb withdrawal :)

I walked 3 miles in the rain this morning. I felt like Joan of Arc. Minus the being burned at the stake thing. And the changing the world thing.

Wish me luck! (my next appointment is here)

Lori Ann

In love with a Jersey girl



The infamous white Prom dress :) 



The New Jersey Years

Here are a few pictures to give you an idea of what kind of crazy fashion choices I was making. 

Some time around 9th grade. I can't decide what is worse- the glasses or the weird pink sweater

I was in choir. Third row up from the bottom on the far right. 

Field hockey. Why do I look so solemn?



Graduation day. I am only 19 lbs heavier now then I was on that day :) 



So..onto the next chapter of my life story. 

We moved to New Jersey when I was almost 13. At the start of 8th grade. 

We lived in a town called North Cape May in my grandfathers house. It was his parents house before him and he had kept it as a shore get away house. 

We lived two blocks from 'the bay'. If you're from Jersey you know what I mean by 'the bay'. It was littered with dead hermit shell crabs, trash, sea weed and jelly fish. One should never swim in the bay. The 'real' beach was one town over, in Cape May. 

But I will always remember living just minutes from the ocean. It was strangely freeing. 

Over the course of the five years I lived in NJ, a lot of things happened. 

We lived in three different places. Moving from North Cape May to Wildwood (for a few months) to a town that is kind of infamous in south Jersey- the Villas. 

I started working at the Acme (grocery store) when I was 15 years old. By my senior year I was working full time and had my own health benefits. 

My mom went to nursing school and became a nurse after years of being a waitress and then a CNA.

I had a lot more interaction with my extended family (mom's side) as most of them live on the Jersey shore. Some of it was very positive and some was very negative. Actually, we lived with my aunt Cheryl and my uncle Ron for a few months each, so we actually lived in 5 places. 

I played field hockey for 3 years. I was a goalie. I was NOT very good but I was so invested in the idea of being in high school sports. 

I was in choir and I tended to gravitate towards 'the smart kids' crowd. I took a lot of AP classes (and got 4s! on my AP tests). I would later discover that most of my 'smart kid' friends were heavy drinkers and/or gay. I was completely oblivious in high school. 

I didn't really hang out with people outside of school. I think graduation night was the first time I spent any time outside of school with my friends. My friends had big plans to have a drinking party down at the beach. It rained though. It was the only time anyone offered me alcohol in high school. Luckily, I didn't have to decide. I'm not sure what 18 year old Lori would have done:) 

My siblings graduated from high school in these years. Jr left for his mission in Las Vegas. Danielle went to college in Idaho. Erin moved to Salt Lake and went to college there. 

I crashed my parents only car driving to the Wawa for diet coke and tasty cakes. 

I had some of the best church friends- we had a million and one sleepovers. Church was a huge part of my life. 

My main activity- besides seminary (early morning scripture study class), school, and work was reading trashy romance novels. I probably read 5 or 6 a week. I used to walk down to the library and buy them by the dozen. I had to hide them because my parents didn't want me reading them. I actually had quite a sophisicated system for smuggling them in which included a hollowed out tree trunk, duct tape, and leaving the house at midnight. :) 

I didn't have a great self image in high school. Who really does? I didn't think about how I dressed and how I wore my hair. Although I was obsessed with lightening my hair. I tried to be blond until I was about 28. Then I embraced the brunette. 

Sometimes I wish I could go and talk to 16 year old Lori. Tell her to be confident in who she is and not worry what other people think or say. To embrace what she likes and to brush her hair every day and to not be such a people pleaser. 

And to hook up with Tyson Rementer.

 (even though he was probably gay- actually, all the more reason to hook up with him!) 

So, those are the Jersey years. There a million stories I could tell. From the Prom Dress Shopping Incident to being a cart doggy to driving my parents car to the BK at age 15. I think everyone has a million stories from those years. 

But we will pick up next on years 18-21. When I lived in Utah, Idaho, and PA. And I didn't get accepted into any of the colleges I wanted to go to. And I took the train across the country. And I broke my leg. And I literally thought it was the end of the world. All before life took me, at age 21, to a little town outside of Chicago, Illinois. 

Lori Ann

Say

Random Saturday Early Evening Thoughts

I have decided to do another half marathon.

It took less than a week for my brain to erase the painful memories of my 1st.

 It won't be until August 24th though.

 That gives me 4 months to train.

 I want to complete it at a 15-16 minute mile pace.
(unless it rains. I will never race in the rain again!)

My mom says I am like a reformed prostitute.

Because I keep trying to get people to do 5ks and races with me. 

I just don't ever want to be as out of shape as I used to be.

 I want to ALWAYS be working towards something.

 I need external motivators because I don't have internal discipline. 

General Conference has been amazing today.

 I feel like every single talk was written for me.

 Especially Elder Holland's.

 It's so true that most people want a comfortable God.

There are days when I want an absent, do whatever you want, everything is ok kind of God.

 But that is not God.

 And He has laws and expectations and the path to Him is not an easy one.

I walked 5 miles today.

My goal mileage for this week is 33.

 Wish me luck!

I went to a conference on Motivational Interviewing.

 It was kind of muddled.

I left with a headache.

 It's a subtle but powerful form of therapeutic practice.

The whole idea is that people are motivated by what they hear themselves say more than what you say to them.

 MI teaches you how to elicit change talk from people. 

I haven't been to the gym in like 2 weeks.

 Mainly because I've been exercising outside.

 But I need to get back on my strength training circuit.

I need to work on my whole body if I want to be at my goal weight by this time next year.  

Race people are so positive.

When I was in the half marathon so many people were encouraging.

 The volunteers and even other runners.

 I was working towards mile 9 and other people were on the other side, going towards mile 11 and they were high fiving me and saying "you go, girl!".

 It made me feel confident that I could do anything. 

I know this post is a little all over the place, weirdly race obsessed and oddly positive.

 I just always feel so inspired after I walk and after General Conference.

 I feel like life is an amazing thing and I want to do so much. 

Hang in there.

 Angry, cynical Lori will be back soon :) 

Lori Ann

p.s.- The memory that I always want to remember from today is of Elly, riding her bike against the wind, wearing several layers of clothing, with her new freckles and her wild blond hair. 

It's my daddy and Nebraska and

Random Wednesday Night Updates

I think I am starting to feel the post race euphoria. I'm starting to forget the cold, my body finally feels 

a little better, and I can't stop thinking "I did a half marathon!" 

My dad called the half marathon the "associates degree" of races. Wanker. 

My sisters have taken to calling me "the squealer". Apparently, I don't keep secrets. They revealed their plan to "set traps" for me to "test my loyalty".  Yes. Being a Hinsdale sister is like being in a gang. My jumping in must have been when Danielle threw that wooden duck at my head. 

I have too much dang Bob Marley on my iTunes. 

(What if some one's not technically a Rastafarian but they've got a couple of Bob Marley albums and one of those hats with dreads attached to it?)

As you may remember from a previous post, I don't listen to Lady Gaga anymore.

 Except "You and I".

 I can't stop listening to it!

I think I might try to get 5 miles in tomorrow.

Or more likely 3 :)  

There was a serious showdown regarding some coconut tasty cakes tonight.

It was epic. :) 

Katy muffin keeps knocking on our door, leaving plastic Easter eggs filled with rocks.

 She clarifies that there are rocks inside because she doesn't have candy.

 She is so genuinely sweet, it's irresistible. 

I have told a number of people that they will be doing the Love Run with me next year.

No one has really said 'yes' but I'm going to take their "umm..I don't want to" as pretty much a yes. 

I never really got to say a huge THANK YOU to Laura.

 We worked together in North Carolina and she came up for my race.

 I was so exhausted and frozen after the race that I went home.

 I wish I had been able to snap out of it long enough to go to lunch or something with her.

 I'm kind of a horrible friend at times. 

It's Conference weekend, baby!!

 I am staying in my pajamas all weekend!!!

I am going to a training in King of Prussia on Friday.

A motivational interviewing training.

 Which sounds weird but it's a cool form of therapy that I want to get better at.

I've conned the old man into driving me!!

I love the way PA people pronounce all of their odd town names. King of Prussia is "Kingaprusha" and Conshohocken is "Con-she" and on and on

That is all the boring life updates I've got for you. 

Don't worry though- tomorrow I will be completing the New Jersey years of my life story.

 You don't want to miss this.

 It's got driving under age, the year I thought the Titanic sank off the Jersey shore, and my high school experience at a place that I still call "slower Lower". :) 

Lori Ann

Do you have the time

So, in the grand tradition of being an uninspiring marathoner, allow me to tell you about life since the marathon
 (it's been about 20 hours)

My whole body hurts.

 I feel like I've been hit by a bus.

The thought of walking
 (much less running!)

 a single mile makes me feel very anxious and tired. 

I think the post race euphoria will set in eventually. 

Like in maybe a week. 

When it all feels like a dream.

I still feel kind of deep down cold from all the icy rain. 

I am SO GLAD I took today off from work. 

The only thing on my agenda is lunch with Michele and lounging around.

 And getting new sneakers. 

And cleaning the bathrooms. 

And maybe giving Sugar a bath. 

And watching the Blacklist!

So yeah..exciting post marathon day ahead :) 

Thank you for listening to me whine!!

Lori Ann

Now I'm back on my feet

This whole post should be read with this musical accompaniment!!

Today was THE day.

The "oh my gosh, what was I thinking half marathon day".

Here are all the details that you have been dying to hear. 

(interspersed with random pictures)

This would be my marathon medal. :) 

 So, we went down to the city on Saturday afternoon and checked in at our hotel.

 (my parents and I)

I then went to get my race packet. My mom and I ended up getting free massages and some random souvenirs at the race expo. 

I felt better after I went to the expo because not everyone there was in perfect shape. There were a variety of people, ages, sizes, etc- going to get their packets. 

It goes against my personal beliefs to NOT eat cheesesteaks while in Philly.

We were only one block from the Reading Terminal Market.

 If you are ever in Philadelphia,

 I highly recommend it.

 It's got everything from amazing cheesesteaks to book stores to Amish donuts made by the Amish.

We carbo loaded by eating cheesesteaks and what my mother said were "the best fries I have ever had".

I went to bed bizarrely early.

 Like 8:30 pm.

We stayed at the 4 points Sheraton, which was perfectly located for everything and comfortable and fun.

At 7:15 the next morning I caught a cab to the race site.

It was raining- icy, windy rain.

 And luckily for me, it continued through out the entire race :)

I got into my corral (at the back!) and was just ready to get this thing over with.

It's sad that it was such a rainy day as the race took us around some of the best parts of Philly. 

The art museum, city hall, fairmont park, everywhere.

At mile 3, I ran into my former intern Laura, who actually came up from NC to see me race.

She walked mile 3 with me.

But I was then on my own for miles 3-12.5.

You guys, I am not an inspirational marathoner.

It was SO hard. I was sooooo cold, my hands had started swelling up, my clothing was completely soaked through, and I couldn't feel my feet after mile 6.

My music got annoying, 

I kept looking over my shoulder for the 'sweeper van'.

It was hard almost every step of the way.

By mile 11 I was so ready for it to be over.

If someone had offered me a ride at that point I would have taken it.

 I was actually fantasizing about being driven across the finish line.

 I had absolutely no 'finish line fever'.

So, I finally see the Art Museum (where I know the finish line is) but I feel like it keeps getting further and further away, like a mirage.

And then, with about half a mile to go I see her.

My mom.

She is walking toward me in a poncho.

She (and then my friend Laura) walked the last half mile with me.

I don't know if I would have made it without them:) 

Coolest moment of the whole race for me. 

And here it is....

I crossed the finish line in just under 4 hours.

 About a 18 minute mile pace.

But I could care less about my time. 

I did it. 

I finished it. 

And I wasn't even last. 

The things that kept me going were: the memories of my coworkers cheering for me- my mom always telling me that pioneer women crossed the plains with no feet- thinking about how much I want my nieces to see me doing this stuff- and dreaming about the bubble bath I was going to take when I got home.

A year and half ago, I couldn't walk a quarter mile. 

I would take breaks to sit down while walking through walmart. 

Today, I walked (and ran about 2 miles total) 13.1 miles. 

If I can do, anyone can do it. 

Lori Ann

A marathoner 

There's not a thing that I would change

So, today was one of the best days of my life. 

You know how I have been talking about how obsessed I am with friendship lately? 

Because my therapist said I don't have friendship making skills? And because I've met some really

cool girls who make me want to give up my whole "yuck, friendship is too much work" ideas?

Well, they are officially my BFFs for the rest of their lives.

Today I rolled in to work. I was tired. I had woken up 30 minutes before I had to be at work. 

I threw on a slobby outfit and ran out the door without packing my lunch or even eating breakfast. (unless you count 4 skittles as breakfast)

I had an evaluation in my schedule for 9 am. A new client. 

At 9 am, my friend Michele knocks on my office door and tells me that my eval has wandered over to the lounge area and she wants me to come and get her to come to my office. 

I was ranting in the 30 second walk from my office to the lounge that I was NOT in the mood to deal with someone who is so emotionally unstable they can't wait in the waiting room for the evaluation to begin. 

I get to the lounge and there are like 20 people there. 

Cheering. 

And wearing bright yellow t-shirts that say "Team Lori". 

And there is an incredible (and healthy!) spread of breakfast items. 

And they are singing the rocky song and clapping for me. 

I; of course, start crying. 

Why can't I be a cute crier?

That moment- seeing them all lined up and cheering for me- will always be one of the best moments of my life. 

My friends Dawn and Michele arranged it all. I think Dawn was the master planner. 

She is the one that has been counting down until the Half marathon with me for the last 50 days. 

She made all the t-shirts. 

30 or more "team Lori" shirts. 

The psychiatrists were wearing them. The secretaries. The front desk person. All the therapists on my wing. My supervisor. All of client registration. 

And they wore them all day long. 

Everywhere I went, someone was wearing a "Team Lori" shirt. 

And Dr. K- my favorite psychiatrist- got me a gift bag of energy chews and made me a poster of my favorite politicians and George Clooney cheering me on. 

It's got Rand Paul half naked on it, people. 

And our CEO came down and told me that he was proud of me. And that, even though the race hadn't happened yet, it was like I had already run it. 

My supervisor said "We all love you so much".

Who does this kind of thing for people?

Who is that unbelievably wonderful?

My friends, that is who. 

My amazing, inspiring, kind, thoughtful friends. 

My favorite client of all time recently told me that he felt like God brought us together. 

I want to say the same thing to Dawn and Michele. 

I see God's love for me through the two of you. 

You get me. Sometimes my own family doesn't get me, but you do. 

You are the hands of God in my life and I will never be able to thank you enough just for being the amazing women that you are. 

Thank you for keeping me going on this long road. Thank you for listening. Thank you for making me walk and taking away the treats and remembering me every single day.

Thank you for today. For the long hours of work and coordination it must have taken. 

You are officially stuck being my friends forever. 

Trust me, it's going to be a bumpy road. Especially once I give up sugar :) 

Lori Ann