All the world to see

To my dear niece Katherine Danielle

I never know quite the right words to say to you.

I guess I'll start with- I can't believe you are six!!

I thought you'd stay our family baby forever. Tiny and gleeful and sweet.

You are growing up so quickly and there are moments when I miss the Katy Cat of years gone by.

The baby with a pumpkin hat on her almost bald head. The destructive whirlwind of a toddler. The cuddly, snuggly little girl we had always wanted. 

But as much as I love my Katy Cat memories, I love the girl you are now.

Sassy and adventurous and so smart.

You are strong and kind.

Even though you are the baby, you take care of everyone else.

You are the first to give something away. To share. To say sorry. To reach out to help.

From the minute you were born you brought so much love to our family.

Every single day you bring happiness to my life.

The best part of who I am is being your aunt.

I was thinking of you today and wishing you 100 more years of life. A life full of adventure and love and happiness. With people who are as kind to you as you are to others.

I wish for you a handsome Prince Charming and a PhD in some field related to animals.

 I wish for you a chance to see the whole world.

 I wish for you little blond daughters of your own and wonderful memories to make you smile when life gets hard.

I wish for you to always feel loved and safe and to know how incredible you are.

There is this obscure little lullaby that comes to my mind when I think of you. So, on the very first night of your sixth year, and even knowing you aren't a baby anymore, I want to end with it. And with giving you all my love.

Thank you for being you. I love you, Katy girl.

Aunt Lori

The picture from my first Katy Birthday tribute (four years ago)- PRECIOUS!!

p.s.- Let me preface this by saying that this was the only version of this lullaby I could find and it's quite creepily done. It frightens me a little. But it's the lyrics that I love :) 

Honey badger don't care

A few things I want to remember from the last week of April, 2014.

It's almost this thing's birthday. Today she told me she wanted a bike and a scooter. And various other items. I've trained her so that when I ask what the most important day ever is, she will reply "April 29th, 2008" :) 

Katy is our resident helper. While my parents are gone she has been hanging out with the cats. 

And taking over chief medical duties for my mom. She has already inspected a bruise of mine and checked my heart rate. She told me I could call her Dr. Katy. 

It was take your daughter to work day this week. And since I pretend Elly is my daughter when she is kicking butt on the soccer field and other parents are talking about her- it seemed appropriate she come to my work for a few hours.

Everyone loved her. She stopped by every department and 'tried out' being a therapist. I had her call me in from the waiting room and told her that I am stressed because my cat has been fighting with a honey badger in the woods. She told me I needed to ground my cat from the woods.

Speaking of honey badgers, we've been watching the clean version of the Honey badger video on youtube. The kids love it. Elly was telling me "the honey badger serves a purpose. He digs holes for the plants to grow and lets other animals eat his scraps" :)

I have been doing various cleaning projects this weekend. Have you ever started deep cleaning something and resurfaced like 5 hours later? Because once you start tackling the detail work you usually ignore, you notice how bad things really are?

Let me just ask these questions..

Who dumped a whole thing of cat nip in the junk drawer?

Why was there broken glass and a strange red powder under the plates?

Why do we own literally 59 forks?


Anyway, this blog update is brought to you by the "I don't want to clean anymore but am in the middle of too many projects to stop now" committee.

Wish me luck!!

Lori Ann

Llamadas al servicio

*disclaimer- this is the longest post I have ever written- be warned!* 

Growing up, I never really thought about serving a mission.

(for my non Mormon friends- a Mormon mission is a period of time (2 years for guys and 18 months for girls) in which you get 'called' to a part of the world, move there, and spend all of your time teaching people about the Gospel. You don't get to go home, date, go to school. You can call home on Christmas and Mothers Day)

Then, when I was 19, my sister Danielle left for a mission to Montreal. 

I think it was then that I decided to serve. 

I always tell Danielle that she was my Moses. Because by her serving, she led me to my Promised Land.

On the last Saturday before Christmas in the year 2000, I received my mission call in the mail.

Illinois, Chicago. Spanish speaking. 

(which means I would learn Spanish and work primarily with Spanish speaking populations)

I will never forget the moment when I read that mission call. I had a physical feeling like I was going down a long drop on a roller coaster. (A feeling I've only had once since then) and the words CHICAGO ILLINOIS seemed like the words I had been waiting my whole life to hear.

I began my mission on February 7th, 2001. 

What followed was the most intense, life changing 18 months of my life. 

I met the most incredible people I have ever met. 

I had experiences so powerful that they are sacred to me. Stories I rarely tell.

I also had moments of intense depression, frustration, and anger. 

Whatever mental illness you have, it will manifest on the mission.

My mission companions actually were worried that I was bipolar. I was so up and down and passive aggressive. I didn't know how to deal with the tiring, structured life I was living and didn't know how to communicate in a healthy way. 

(I didn't realize that about myself until years later)

The mission is amazing, miraculous, but so hard.

You have to live with one person 24-7, focus all of your energy on talking to people about God, and deal with intense daily rejection and sometimes ridicule. 

It's not for the faint of heart. 

I spent my entire mission in two areas. Addison and West Chicago. The outskirts of the city- more suburban than urban for the most part. I had 7 different mission companions. I got used to trekking in the snow and boiling in the sun. Wearing dresses or skirts every day. I grew accustomed to the flat land and Great Lakes breezes. The Land of Lincoln license plates. The specific customs and kindness of the people of the state of Illinois. 

Illinois is and will always be my promised land. 

I've only been back once in the 12 years since my mission. But I could FEEL when I arrived back in the mission field. My heart beat faster. I felt such a strong connection. 

I would never move to Illinois. It's too flat, too cold, and too mid western for me. Pennsylvania is my home.

But there is a certain peace that I experience only in Illinois. 

4 of my 7 mission comps. Monterroso, Winsor, Hendricks, and Tyler. (I will always think of them by their last names. Their first names are Yolanda, Amanda, Lorena, and Shannon- but I don't know that I've ever really called them that)

Teresa Labra. One of the little girls that we taught on the mission. She was smart and funny.

Me and my last companion (Mietzner) in one of our few trips to the city. She passed away a few years after this. I think of her every day because she hated the sound of the turn signal and I think of her every time I hear it. Her mom sent me the skirt I am wearing in this picture after she died. It was my favorite skirt to borrow from her. I am saving it for my nieces to wear on their missions. 

Roberto and Alfredo. Oh, Alfredo. Also, another companion- Sister Badger. I am not going to comment on that companionship. Not. Going. To. Comment. 

Right before I went home. I had such a farmers tan. And I was still trying to be blond. 

This was my sisters and our friend Jessica dropping me off at the MTC (missionary training center) on the first day of the mission. I would spend 9 weeks in there, learning Spanish and the Gospel about 12 hours a day. It's kind of like spiritual boot camp. (on a cool side note, Elizabeth Mae, my first niece, was born 5 years to the day after this picture was taken)

Various crazy mission pictures

This one has my other favorite companion- Sister Dalley. She was the kindest person I have ever met. 

Mietzner used to do my hair for me. I drove her nuts but she was so sweet. 

We took crazy pictures one fall day. This is one of my favorite pictures of myself ever. 

9/11 happened while I was a missionary. I will never forget that morning. We watched the news in horror with a family that we had been teaching. They were my family that day, when I was so far from home. 

I got proposed to twice. By two different Hispanic men. I was fairly certain they may have been looking for citizenship. But I was kind of hot, so there was that :) 

I made some friends I will never forget. My mission companions kept me sane and taught me so much. They will never know how much they mean to me.

It wasn't until I went back to Illinois several years later that I realized something that had not occurred to me in all of my time there. 

I was the biggest convert of my mission. I taught the Gospel to hundreds of people and baptized quite a few into the Church. But I gained a relationship with my Heavenly Father and older brother Jesus Christ when I was a missionary. 

I gained a testimony of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith and  every weird and wonderful thing about this church I had grown up in. 

Sometimes, in the middle of a snowy winter day, as we had door after door slammed in our faces, or were stared at in the street, or had people openly hide from us- sometimes in those cold moments, I felt like I could almost see the foot prints of Jesus Christ, walking ahead of us. Holding us up when I just wanted to give up and cry and go home. 

In the end, the mission taught me more than I have ever learned in any other way. I use mission skills every day. I spent 6 years in college to become a therapist but most of the skills I use with my clients I learned as a missionary. I learned how to set goals. How to deal with rejection. How to meet people where they are at. How to push myself. How to deal with exhaustion and pain. How to show the love of God to others. 

Y se que Dios vive. Que El nos ama. Que podemos regresar y vivir con El otra vez, y nuestra familias. Se que este evangelio es de Dios. Que nuestro hermano mayor murio para darnos la opportunidad de repentarnos y regesar a nuestro Padre. Amo mi Padre Celestial y Jesucristo con todo my corazon. Y este es my testimonio, en el nombre de Jesucristo, Amen.

Hermana Hinsdale

p.s.- The next chapter... going home, giving up on college, Idaho again, and falling in love. 

A bonnet for your mommy

Easter 2014.

 An emotional photo journey....

 Ok..it's not really that emotional. Some might call it a 'slightly mind numbing because I don't really know these children' photo journey. 

The kids took their egg decorating very seriously. There was glitter. There was insanity. There was experimental coloring. I felt like I was in some kind of hippie retreat. 

All leading to this delightful mix of egg bandits

The hunt. Which was somewhat free of conflict. Well, physical conflict. Of course, there was emotional conflict. :) 

Eating candy and counting eggs. I do this every weekend. Why wait for Easter?

Look at the freckles on this handsome thing!!! And yet he runs from my kisses. Something about "I'm ten now". Where is my sweet baby James? 

The Easter Dress. No one actually said it at church but I'm pretty sure most people thought it was demure but edgy.

Anyway, that was Easter 2014.

Not featured:
Jack-Jack- who thinks he is too old for pictures.
The bunny cake I made. Because I know it will be stolen and plastered all over pinterest.I'm still working on the patent.
Easter dinner at the Monroes'. Both a literal feast as well as an emotional one. Wait..no. It wasn't really an emotional feast.


Anyway, tomorrow the story of my life continues.

Missionary work. The bipolar intervention. 9/11. And 2 marriage proposals!!

Lori Ann

p.s. Easter was on 4/20 this year! Kind of appropriate with all the Easter candy and big dinners. My family acted like it was just Easter. Because they aren't edgy like I am. :)

I hope you think of me

Things I don't want to forget from the week before Easter 2014.

I took Elly to her first gymnastics class on Wednesday night. It was magical. She was literally running around, flapping her arms like she was flying between every different activity.

I, oddly, had an almost mental health breakdown. We got there early and they were super busy and it was almost time for Elly's class to start and I thought they were going to forget us (I had to get her officially signed up, etc) and it made me so sad for Elly that I almost started crying. It just reminded me of feeling forgotten or being excited about something as a kid and then not getting to do it. I never want that for my sister's kids.

I am sort of obsessed with this song.

I thought I was having a heart attack on Thursday night because I had mild chest pain. So, I got changed into something that I wouldn't mind dying in. Any time I've ever had the thought that I might die, my first thought is "I should change into something nicer" :) 

I stayed up late last night (like 10 pm, baby!) watching Twilight, Say Yes to the Dress, and eating candy and olives. You guessed it. My parents weren't home. When they leave home I revert to my 13 year old self. 

I've been thinking about wearing an Easter Hat. Do you think that is the first step in realizing you are middle aged? Thinking about Easter hats??

I've lost a total of 176 lbs. 24 to go until it's 200!!
(I don't think the candy and olives got me any closer)
 (or the giant cheesecake I got for Easter dessert)

I'm struggling with all of this unstructured time. I love 4 day work weeks but it throws me off my routine.

Speaking of which, I have really begun to identify some autism characteristics in myself this week. I really like routine. I don't always know how to maintain social relationships- I wish there were a 'rules of friendship' book I could follow. I prefer solitude for the most part. I have some areas of very rigid thinking and the MOST IMPORTANT, I have sensory issues. There are so many sounds that drive me nuts. Repetitive scraping sounds (like spoons on the bottom of a yogurt container), swallowing, repetitive sneezing, and many, many others. 

Now I'm not just your super hot friend. I'm your super hot with mild autistic qualities friend!!

Lori Ann

Swear they moved that sign

Today has been a weird day.

I only had one evaluation and 3 appointments. But I will have been in the office for close to 10 hours by the time I leave.

That's six hours of free time.

I don't like it.

I normally pray for and dream about hours of free time at work. Time to get organized and get projects done and reorganize my filing cabinet.

And then I got the time today and I couldn't focus. I went from one thing to the next.

I think I kind of like those days when it's one appointment after another. Well, I don't really like them.

I like the structure.

I've realized that I struggle to structure my own time.

That's the reason I make 22 item weekend to do lists. Because without them, I would drift along, getting absolutely nothing done.

I just realized that I didn't really have a list today. (well, beyond my normal work to do list)

Which explains a lot.

I also spent 10 hours doing stuff on Saturday. So, I think my brain needed the day off.

And now I'm listening to Mercy Street by Peter Gabriel on repeat track. 

Sometimes the music I listen to influences the therapy I provide.

Songs like this make me a more depressing therapist :) 

I promise this blog is going to get more exciting soon. 

Lori Ann

p.s.- I'm back on the liquid diet. Which also dulls my brain. Why am I rambling? 

Same as it ever was

The park/playground behind my sister's kids school. You can't really tell but its all rolling hills and farms. :) 

My favorite moments from a crazy Sunday and this weeks goals

I walked over to the park with 3 of my 4 niece and nephews. James abandoned ship, the devil.

 Katy was so funny. She kept telling me that her legs were tired from walking but that they were also getting stronger and she could feel the muscles getting bigger. 

All of my sister's kids have taken to coming over to have my mother dress various 'wounds'. My mother recently bought an industrial sized box of band aids because she was running through them so fast. Anyway, James came over looking for Nana Terry but found just me. I don't think he was satisfied by me smacking a band aid on his foot and then securing it by wrapping it with regular tape a few times. 

My Sunday school class came in and literally screamed "What did you do to your hair?" They don't like the dark brown. They told me it made my face look green. I've gotten a lot negative feedback on the dark brown. It just makes me love it more!

 (because I've got the emotional maturity of a 13 year old)  

While we were walking through the cemetery on the way to the park, the girls and I were talking about the people buried there who died in war. (there are graves that go back through the American Revolution). I was explaining the draft to them and Elly said "You shouldn't have told me that. That scares me".  But she also seemed oddly energized by the prospect of World War 3. 

I love that they are growing up surrounded by so much American History. It's why I will never live long term away from the East Coast. I feel so much at peace living here, wrapped up in my American heritage. 

Anyway, that was today.

My goals for this week are as follows:

Liquid diet Mon-Thurs. (I've only slightly fallen off the wagon this weekend)

Then moderate eating Friday and Saturday. 

Then EASTER!!

Also, I am going to try out a exercise class for the first time in forever tomorrow morning. It's called "Sweat and burn". 

Which scares me a little. 

But all goals should scare you a little. 

Lori Ann

p.s.- The insufferable heat is back. Prepare for my seasonal affective disorder to kick in. I am going to whine until September 1st, baby!