About the South Lands

And now..on with my riveting life story.

The final chapter.

(because everything else is on this blog)

So, I am 28 years old.

Moving from my parents house in PA to Reidsville, North Carolina.

I, as previously mentioned, did not have a job or a place to live.

But I had a dream.

Yuck.

 No, I did not.

 I just said that to seem more inspirational than I am.

ANYWAY

So, I get down South and I think I lasted about 2 nights staying with my sister.

My mom (who came down with me) eventually kicked me out of my sister's house for "holding the whole family hostage with my tooth pain".

Whatever that means.

(I think it means that I was literally whining and crying incessantly about how much my tooth hurt) 

It's the first and last time I've ever been kicked out of anywhere.

I felt so badass in that moment.

By this time I had procured my shady little apartment on Main Street.

Erin came with me to the Walmart at midnight that night and helped me get some essentials- air mattress, dishes, some food- I was also obsessed with getting a toilet bowl cleaner.

 Not sure why in retrospect.

I moved into my apartment and within 2 weeks (with the help of my sister Danielle) found a job.

At Youth Haven.

I will never talk bad about Youth Haven.

Well, actually I will and have on repeated occasions, especially on this blog.

The company itself was amazing.

My coworkers and the work itself- kind of insane.

There was politics and backstabbing and coupe de graces and I had 11 different offices and 4 different jobs over 3 years.

I had a supervisor who made me cry but refused to offer me tissues because "that would presume that he thought my crying was not ok" (he told me never to offer a crying client tissues- a rule I break daily) and then he would show me odd videos on youtube.

I had a coworker who; the week I lost my voice, declared in front of the whole office- "This is the greatest week of my life!"

I learned what 'slow hoeing" means.

 (Don't google it!)

I drove around Rockingham County North Carolina in my red focus (after the Altima died an untimely death) at all hours of the night.

I ate WAY too much fast food.

I got involved in breaking up fights, buying client's clothes, helping people leave their spouses, cat exchanges at midnight, and every other strange thing that occurs in the trenches of social work.

Plus, on top of that, I was spending the most time I ever had with my nieces and nephews.

Those are some of my most cherished memories.

The rubber duck regatta.

The cookie baking parties.

The formation of the Secret Club.

The trips to the park in a torrential downpour.

The game nights.

The time Danielle and I tried to tire her kids out by paying them in m and m's to run around the whole yard.

(Didn't work).

The time I locked Elly in her room for screaming and she ended up using the bathroom in a wicker basket.

I think the word "Chaos" best depicts my life in the South.

And "Fried Food" and "Barely concealed Racism" and "Cut on the Lights" and "The War of Northern Aggression" and "Alcohol at the Company Christmas Party".

I learned alot in my 3 years in the South.

I got my clinical licensure.

I lived on my own in that state for a full year.

I learned how to do things for myself.

Like brave the shady laundry mats.

And get my car fixed.

And how to make bread.

And how to decorate my very own Christmas Tree.

I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

That being said, I won't be moving back to the South.

Nothing but PA feels like home.

So...this is where my life story posts end.

This blog picks up in the middle of my time down South and so you people know the story from there.

Consider yourselves blessed.

Everyone else is going to have to pay for my autobiography and you've all gotten it for free.

Lori Ann

p.s.- I named Sugar after my time in the South. In the South, the word Sugar is kind of interchangeable for "love". :)

Ain't no Sunshine

The Orange Menace. Also known as my niece Katy's new cat. It's name changes every hour. Here are the names it has had so far:

Gizmo

Aysreal

Cutie Pie

Adorable

Elsa

Sweet Potato

Ginger

Spice

Nutmeg

Hobbes

Salty Devil

And I am sure there are others that I don't even know about.

This thing is going to have identity issues.

Erin is leaving today.

Life is so much less fun when Erin leaves. 

She made us all "sit out on the stoop Northeast Philly style" last night.

Where she proceeded to tell more FALSE stories about me sexually harassing her.

 (which doesn't sound funny but is when she says it)

She encouraged our nieces and nephews to steal my dad's cookies.

("They are right next to him and he's sleeping..go get them!")

She ranted about how the news is always on at my parents house.

She discussed how she thinks me and my dad should have our own club.

Called the "socially inappropriate addicts" club.

She cackled over me getting in trouble with my mother.

Which Danielle high fived her over.

"Lor, you never get in trouble. It's nice to see"

While she has been here the following things have happened:

Attempted theft

("where does Dad keep his bolt cutters?")

Politically correct dinner parties

("I think the Palestinians have a good argument")

Battle of the Pizza nights

("I told mom that I want East Coast pizza, NOT pizza hut!")

Various drug interventions

("Lor..are you a meth addict?")

Cat rescues

("She was opening all the cages, going crazy!")

Crappy movies/Camp memories

(" So, then in the arts and crafts cabin..")

Fashion reality checks

("Why do you like tight, black clothes? I'm just saying..")

Cat spoiling

("Thomas is just so pretty. He can't help it, he's so precious")

And a million more festive moments

 I am going to miss her.

Erin is always the missing piece in our lives.  

Since she is going home (and I have run out of excuses) I have decided that now is FINALLY the time to get focused on my training.

So, prepare for long rambling posts about how bad my feet hurt.

3 weeks and 5 days until my next halfie!

Lori Ann

(favorite sister of Erin Leigh) 

Hinsdale Family Folklore

I don't know how all of you feel about English muffins.

They are kind of the love of my life.

Well, that's probably understating it a bit.

They are my very reason for existing and they get me through bleak, endless day after bleak, endless day.

So, imagine my confusion when this morning, I look over to see my brother eating something that looks strangely like MY English muffins.

"Is that an English muffin?"

(I say this in the same tone someone might say "Why did you kill my baby?")

"Umm..yeah"

Deep breath. Hold it together, Lori. Hold it together.

"Was it the LAST English muffin?"

(I say this in the tone of "your mother better come by and say goodbye to her baby boy because this is it for you")

"Umm...yeah"

I have heard of people seeing red but I'd never experienced it until 5:52 am this morning, watching my brother eating my LAST English muffin.

Unfortunately, while I was sorting through the kitchen knives, trying to find one sharp enough to do some real damage, my dad took him to work.

And brought me an English muffin from Dunkin Donuts.

I just wanted this recorded for my posterity.

Because seriously, some things are sacred.

Family. Country. Religion.

And above all else...English muffins.

Sleep with one eye open, Jr!

Lori Ann

p.s.- My niece Katy got a kitten! It's name changes every hour but it's ORANGE! Welcome to the crazy cat lady club, Katy!

Maybe I never told you

Random Monday Morning Updates

I feel like I am writing such random stuff lately.

 Like I need to focus on more profound thoughts or my feelings about current events.

 But that takes a lot of emotional energy.

 I need my energy for plotting revenge and setting unrealistic goals.

My sister Erin in in town.

 In case I forgot to mention it 100 times.

 She is taking my niece Katy to adopt a kitten from the SPCA today.

 Holy Hannah

. Life is about to get really crazy.

I took today off from work since Erin is here.

 I love having Mondays off.

 Because it's the day I end up doing mostly mental health evaluations.

 And everyone needs a break from administering mental health evaluations. 

I had a sleepover with the infamous Queen Elizabeth last night.

 It involved face masks, sparkly nail polish, camp fire, and talking about true beauty. 

I look so scary in this picture. Yikes!

We had a family slash neighborhood camp fire last night and made smores.

 I forgot my phone so I couldn't take any pictures.

 It's nice to just live in the moment at times. 

It felt like magical childhood.

 The kids were roasting marsh mellow and chasing fire flies and laughing.

 My mom and Jr were singing in horrible accents, my dad was sitting in a wheelbarrow.

 It's moments like that when I find my hatred of summer dimming a little. 

I'm completely off track with my training and I've got just under 4 weeks.

 It's really, honestly time to kick it into gear. 

I went out with the sister missionaries to teach a Hispanic man named Paco. 

It's the first time since my mission that I have gone out teaching.

 It was amazing. 

It's weird how easy it is to go back to the place. 

Maybe because it's similar to what I do every day. 

Talking to people I've just met about serious and important issues.

The sisters told my sister Danielle that we sound alike, have the same laugh and the same mannerisms, etc.

 I pretended to be outraged but I always love it when people compare me to my mom or sisters. 

Ok, so we are going to be back on track tomorrow. 

One more day of fun and craziness and then back to our goals and focused blogging!

Lori Ann

I can always find my way

My sisters don't like when I blog about them. 

Last night Erin kept saying "Don't social media us!" 

But I have to record the story of last night. 

(Despite my very real fear of consequences)

So, somehow we ended up hanging out in my room. 

Danielle was crafting 

(updating her kid's quote boards)

She was making me laugh because she kept saying "I'm going to google how to make felt flowers" and " I have to go the craft room AGAIN? Why don't you have a glue gun in here?" 

My mom confiscated the fabric cutting scissors Danielle was about to use to cut paper. 

"Those are my fabric cutting scissors! How did you find them?!"

I felt like I was 10 again. 

Erin, of course, was stirring the pot.

Telling UNTRUE stories about me. 

Dancing.

Egging Katy on to go downstairs and demand that Grandpa make her a hot dog.

I was the calm amidst all the drama. 

(As always)

I was laying on my bed.

With my stuffed rabbit. 

Martyr like. 

But seriously...

They make me laugh so much. 

Erin kept saying I was 'mad dogging' and 'creeping' on her and also that I have tried to kill her various times.

Danielle was talking about her dream of rescuing orphans from a fire.  

They were intent on getting me onto an LDS singles site. 

They made no effort to hide their thoughts about what they should put out there.

"We have to make her sound charming, not angry like she really is"

"Put the truth about her weight. We don't want anyone to get a bad surprise when they meet her"

"Let's just be honest. It's better that way"

"What DO you do with your spare time?"  "She reads trashy gay loves stories" "We can't put that down"

Then, their selection of guys they thought I might like was interesting.

"Look Lor, he's got three kids and lives in Allentown" 

"This one has got a lot of selfies. You two are good pair"

" Oh no..he's kind of hideous." (whisper)"Don't say that " Ok...Lor! This one is really cute!"

I wish everyone had people like my sisters.

People who make you laugh so hard you feel sick.

Lori Ann

Around the tables you must go

Hey, people.

It feels like a Random Thoughts Friday.

 Extra Incoherent Edition.  

My sister Erin told me today "You are bleeding all over the place" in reference to the fact that most of my clients know I am Christian.

And my cat's name.

And all my wishes and dreams.

And because I made her take me to the store at the crack of dawn today to get cupcakes for one of my client's birthdays.

Whatever.

Doesn't your therapist celebrate your birthday?

People keep using this word  "boundaries" like it means something :)

ANYWAY

I have a 3 day weekend coming up!

I took Monday off since Erin is home.

I AM IN LOVE WITH 3 DAY WEEKENDS! 

There is just something magical about Sunday night, knowing you don't have to work the next day.

I have less than one month to my next halfie.

And I haven't trained in about 2 weeks.

This is now becoming a pre-race tradition.

Get WAY off track and then jam pack about 3 months of training into 4 weeks.  

I am planning to get back on track this weekend.

I don't want to die out there.

Well, unless it's in a super glorious way- like carrying another racer over the finishing line.

While carrying the American flag.

And saving the world from terrorism or something.

Not sure that is going to happen at the Upper Perkiomen Half Marathon or not.

I am concerned about that state of this country.

I don't think this is the 'hope and change' that all my crazy liberal friends voted for.  

But it's not bothering me as much as it would normally be.

My anti-anxiety meds are making me apathetic.

Which I love.

Sweet, sweet apathy.

Only about 5 weeks of summer

(I count September 1st as the first day of fall).

HOLY HANNAH I AM SO EXCITED FOR SUMMER TO BE OVER.

I am more excited for this Friday to be over.

So I can go home and hang out with my sisters :)

Have a great weekend, people!

Lori Ann

Cheers to lunch at night

Erin is home!!!

I always forget how crazy and fun it is here until Erin gets home. 

Here are just a few quotes from her being here about 12 hours...

Erin Leigh!!!

"If you and Lor got into a lesbian relationship, you would totally be the husband"
(to my sister Danielle)

"Yeah, everyone better get their flu shots before they get bitten by an illegal immigrant"

"Don't point your sausage finger at me!"

"You better get this cat to the vet!"

"People are just telling me that you post too many selfies, that's all"

"What are you learning from watching the news? Nothing!"

"You are living the life of a 65 year old woman!"

" I gotta be truthful. It creates safe boundaries"

"Grandpa has been pooping in a bucket"

"Why are you tired? You went to bed at like 8:30 pm!"

"You should be grateful for any donut we give you!"

"Your boy RSimmons was last seen holed up in a cabin with a bunch of donuts"

"Why are you all raged up, juiced up, and chasing the dragon at like 6:30 in the morning?"

"If we were druggies , I would be the pot head and you would be the coke addict"

Erin is the coolest person on Earth, I swear.

Even if she makes me feel like a bad cat mom :)

I got so lucky to get her as a sister.

SO LUCKY.

Lori Ann