This emptiness fills my heart

There are moments in my life when I feel very lost. 

Sometimes I wonder if I will look back and be like "Is that what I made of my life?" 

Anyway,

Along that same lines, I have given one of my clients an assignment recently that I did myself a few years ago. 

It's kind of cool. 

It's a way of finding out your individual purpose in living.

So, here is what you do. 

Open a blank document on your laptop or grab a blank piece of paper. 

Start writing what you think your purpose of life might be.

It can be serious, it can be silly, whatever. 

Every time you write something and you know it is not right, you either delete it or erase it or cross it out.

When you get to your TRUE purpose in life it will bring tears to your eyes. 

I did this.

Even though it felt a little facebook gimmick-y. 

And it worked. 

I spent about an hour writing and erasing.

Putting things I thought sounded good or what I thought my purpose in life SHOULD be. 

But when I wrote the following words (which kind of came out of nowhere)

"To become who I am"

I started to cry.

This might not make any sense to anyone else but it makes so much sense to me.

And knowing that purpose helps me when I feel lost. 

So...I challenge you all to try it.

Good luck!

Lori Ann 

Though I'm no man's wife

Here are 5 Things I LOVE about my life right now.

1. I am off ALL of my meds. Which I love (for the most part). I am not tired, crazy, or up and down. Unmedicated Lori is so much more festive. Crazier yes, but more festive.  

2. I am having a sleepover with the infamous Queen Elizabeth (aka Elly) tonight. Last night she informed me "I am excited about tomorrow for 6 reasons..." and then went on to list them point for point. She lost me somewhere around "It's pretzel day" but her enthusiasm for life makes me happy.

3. I am having an office day this weekend. And FINALLY getting caught up. It should only take me about 16 hours or so. No biggie.

4. Sugar has been extra cute lately. She is pure Calico Magic!

5. I am starting a weight loss challenge with my coworkers. They try to act like they are not intimidated but I know they are. It's on!

I wish there were more thrills and drama to report. Tomorrow me and the sister missionaries are going to set a dress on fire. I'll be sure to take pictures!

Lori Ann

I live and breathe this Philadelphia Freedom

City Trip: Take 3

(plus my testimony)

 Despite being "grounded" from city trips by my mother, I secretly planned and executed another city trip with the sister missionaries and my new BFF Shauri.

(although she may be ready to kill me since I made her the navigator and then shrieked like a crazy person at her)

 The Milford Trio wanted to spend a few hours in the art museum, so Shauri and I took the Kutztown sisters to the Rocky Statute, Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, and then we got all mixed in with some MLK protests.

 IT WAS EPIC! 

 The Amish donut place was open. 

ON A MONDAY!

 Which never happens.

 I think Sister McCuen was having some kind of spiritual experience eating her donut. 

It was hilarious!

 ' Oh my gosh....This is the BEST donut ever!" 

 Shauri kept me focused and probably saved us all from certain death as I drove like a literal lunatic through the city. 

 The infamous 10 minute art museum trip!

 (for us anyway..the Milford Trio stayed for HOURS)

 THEN.....I missed the exit to take the Kutztown sisters home and ended up having to drive WAY past their house and back again.

 Poor things.

 I got them home 2 hours later than they hoped to be home! 

Protests, Amish Donuts, jump shots, American History, a random side trip to the Poconos and street vendor food. 

Best. Day. Ever. 

Lori Ann

p.s.- In honor of these brave young women, who give 18 months of their life to sharing the gospel, I will be brave enough to share my testimony here. 

I know that God lives. 

I know God loves me. 

He loves all of us.

He wants us to be happy. 

He gave us the Gospel of Jesus Christ to lead us back to Him and to help us to be happy in this life. 

If anyone who reads this blog (hi, mom!) wants to learn more, I would love to introduce you to these amazing missionaries.  

My father's family was converted by two missionaries who knocked on their door one day. 

My mom's family was converted by the good example of a friend. 

Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I know it is true. And I am lucky enough to have the Gospel in my life because people were brave enough to speak up, to serve, to share the Gospel.

I owe it to them to do the same. 

Cause I'm broken

I have already broken my resolution to blog every day. 

Yes. 

I like to start the year off on the right foot, baby! 

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. 

This month has already been interesting. 

I got to hang out with my extremely cool cousins. 

 I toasted the New Year with some sparkling cider. (because I'm edgy like that)

 And I've spent the rest of the time scrap booking and hanging out with Sugar and Erin. 

I am going to miss Erin. 

She goes home to Utah tomorrow. 

Life is always easier and more fun with Erin here. 

I can't wait for her wedding though. 

She has already told our niece, Elly

"I am going to make Aunt Lori wear the ugliest bridesmaid dress of all time!" 

Yikes.

Lori Ann

p.s.- I am half marathon training again. Get ready for the painful emotional journey I am about to take us all on :) 

Blank Space, baby

So...

Since I already broke my first resolution (no candy for breakfast) let's at least get one accomplished!

Blogging daily! 

This is going to be a painful emotional journey. 

Not so much for me. 

For you people. 

Behind all of the resolutions and crazy diet schemes, my real goal for 2015 is to find joy in my life.

Working in the nursing home through college, I saw too many people who had never really been happy. 

Who kept waiting for the right person to make them happy or the right time. 

But between seeing that and learning all that I have as a therapist I do know one thing. 

I know that I am responsible for my happiness. 

(well me and my daily 1000 mg of xanax!)

And in 2015 I want to have joy. 

So...here's hoping that this will be the BEST. YEAR. EVER.

Lori Ann 

* future bridesmaid*

Bells will ring

 ERIN!!!

You guys. 

2015 is going to be the best year ever. 

I am FINALLY going to cross "be a bridesmaid" off my bucket list. 

In related, though less important new, my sister Erin is getting married!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited to meet my new soon to be brother in law. 

And hopefully (one day..no pressure) get new nieces and nephews to spoil :) 

But I am really just so happy for my amazing sister to have found someone awesome to spend her life with. 

She deserve to be so happy always. 

Congratulations, Eri!!

Lori Ann

(The last Hinsdale Spinster)

Live Your File

So...for all of those of you waiting for the tale of Patrick, you are going to have to hang in there. 

It's time for my New Years Failed Resolutions Post! 

I think I have introduced you all to this phrase before but it's one of my father's favorite things to say and it is the kind of horrible thing that sticks in your mind. 

The phrase is "mental masturbation".

I think we all know what that means. 

Or maybe not. 

Either way, goal setting is kind of like that for me. 

It makes my brain feel good because I'm all "GOALS!" but it's always the follow through that is tough. 

One thing I have learned is that I do not have internal discipline for a lot and so I need to create an external motivator. 

With that said, here are my resolutions for 2015 and how I am going to motivate myself to accomplish them. 

1. Run/Walk at least 3 Half Marathons  

Signing up and paying money seems to be a good external motivator for this one- also the tacky thrill I get from discussing my training and my half marathons is a motivator!

2. Get to my goal weight

 An important wedding is coming up- which I shall not mention because it's not my news to share- but I want to look good for this wedding AND if I get to my goal weight by my birthday, I am going to go back to Europe...nothing motivates like trips to Europe!

3. Cross 12 things off my Bucket List

 I am working on the motivator for this one

4. Attend Sharing Time EVERY WEEK for a year 

I am a notorious sharing time ditcher- my motivator will be giving someone else my keys- like the missionaries- so that I can't leave. And maybe committing to help every week in some way, so I know I have to be there. 

5. Update this blog daily (with one day off a month)

 I barely blogged this year and that makes me sad. This blog is going to be like my journal this year- I am going to motivate myself by putting it on my to do list- that forces me to do things :) 

I think that is it. 

I wish my goals were more thrilling. 

But my real goal is to take time to work on me. 

Not like lounging in front of the TV time but working out, getting a more professional wardrobe, working on my calling at church, building myself up physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

I always tell my clients that we take care of this things we value. 

I need to value myself more and get myself to a place where I am happier, healthier, and in  better position to help others. 

I know that the purpose of my life is to become more like my Heavenly Father and to also serve others.

 I can't serve others effectively if I am falling apart. 

Wish me luck!!

Lori Ann