Send me away with the words of a love song

Even though yesterday was the autumnal equinox, Danielle failed in her attempt to get an egg to stand on end.

 I TOLD her that it wouldn't stand up but she wouldn't listen to me.

 Silly girl.

Elly wants me to send this to Robert Pattison with a note that reads

"Your future much younger trophy wife".

 I told her that she needs to slow down on the Twilight and besides, in our family, we are Team Jacob.

I got into a discussion with my dad on the way home from the airport the other night

. Somehow the topic turned to gigolos.

 One day, when I am in the general presidency of either RS or Primary, I am going to reference this discussion in one of my General Conference talks.

"When I was a girl, I cherished the discussions I had with my father.

 We discussed the gospel, politics, life, gigolos, and car maintenance.."

This is my new office.

 I completely plan to replace some of these chairs with a velvet therapist's couch.

 And a large poster of Freud.

 And some some twinkle lights.

 And a mini fridge.

This is my (cross your fingers!) new apartment!

The living room and bedroom both have fireplaces!!

 It's only four miles from my office.

 It's 54.4 miles away from my parents.

 Not that I have any wild plans for anything... on a completely unrelated note, how heavy is a keg and what is everyone doing next weekend??

Anyway, I just wanted to end by letting you know that I; Lori Ann, will not be writing this blog next week.

 I am having a guest blogger...you can call her , LANN. or L.ANN.

Whatever.

It's the more philosophical, self portrait taking version of me.

Brace yourselves!

Lori Ann

The one you'll know by

Dumpster diving

is the practice of sifting through commercial or residential trash to find items that have been discarded by their owners, but that may be useful to the dumpster diver.

I don't know what you do with your mothers.

 Maybe manicures.

 A girls night out.

 Anything, you know, legal.

My mom and I dumpster dive.

Well, she dumpster dives while I sit in the car, being the look out.

I keep trying to tell her that I wouldn't make it in prison.

 Or even through a night in "the tank".

My dad always calls it that.

 I have no idea why it's called that.
  But he does.

Have you ever looked at your parents and thought

" dear heaven, who are these people?"

Anyway, if I end up in the big house, send me brownies.

 And trashy novels.

 And a Ryan Gosling poster.

 And gummi bears.

Lori Ann

There's something they're not telling us

I only seem capable of writing in the 'Random Thoughts " format these days.

 I promise cohesive themed blog entries soon!!

Fall is here.

 IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot find an apartment that I like.

 I've seen several and every single time I am disappointed.

Come on..it can't be that hard to have a 1000 square feet, hard wood floors, vaulted ceilings, a garden tub, stainless steel appliances, washer/dryer, porch, utilities included type apartment for about $350 a month, right??

Ha, ha! 

But seriously, I paid $350 for my apartment in North Carolina.

 My sisters claimed my apartment was "scary".

 Yeah, it was scary awesome how I could pay my rent months and months in advance!

So, even though I know its reasonable to charge $1000 a month in a nice area of Chester County, PA.

 I can't stop thinking about how that much rent is going to cut into my "party like a rock star" lifestyle.

Those $3 on clearance colorful walmart work shoes
 (featured on my blog last month) 

aren't' going to buy themselves!

Mark Allen MacPhail- Officer killed in Davis Case

I don't have an opinion on the Troy Davis case
 (as I am not super educated on it)

 But oh my gosh, imagine waiting four hours, not sure if you are going to die or not.

 I would rather just get it over with ya.

Bridesmaids is out on video!!

 If you like The Hangover and are OK with that level of questionable humor, then you will LOVE Bridesmaids.

 I saw it with my sister Erin and I have never heard a theater of people laugh that much.

 We all staggered out the door, laughing and shrieking "I loved it!".

Lori Ann

Random Thoughts: The Angry Edition

I felt so angry all day today.

Everyone and everything is getting on my nerves.

I am sure that most of you; like me, are polite and reasonable people, who wait your turn, think before you act, weigh the pros and cons, put yourself in someone else's shoes and all that of that crap. It's a really mentally healthy place to be. Most of the time I am happy to be there.

Some days though; like today, I wish I could just scream. Just scream and be crazy like those people we all know. Yelling at others drivers, random cashiers, and family members.

On a slightly less insane note, Glee started tonight.

The jury is still out on this season though. I'm giving it 3 episodes to impress me.

I tried to get our interns (who are working on their doctorates in things like neuro psychology) to make a pact to watch Glee all season with me.

I think that when they said "No, that show is for kids" what they really meant was "Wow, Lori. Yes, I commit to watching it and my respect for you has just increased 10 fold". So yeah...

Lori Ann

Sha la la la la la yeah

You guys,

You know what it feels like?

It feels like the right time for another classic, self obsessed "Stuff you don't know about me" post.

Sweet sassy molassey there is so much you people don't know. You might want to sit down.

Let's do this thing!!

1. I hate people. Not a lot of people, but there a few on my list. And I loathe them. Like 'just the way they breathe makes me angry' kind of loathing.

2. I love when the weather starts to get chilly. Not so much for the cold, but for the idea that I get to come in from the chill to a warm house, where I can drink hot chocolate and watch crazy cat videos on Youtube.

3. I am obsessed with Postsecret. I haven't sent in a secret yet, but I will. And its going to be about YOU!

4. Sometimes I dream about becoming a famous author for the sole purpose of using the common ground of famous authorship as a reason to meet JK Rowling. And ask her questions about Harry Potter.

5. I don't find married men to be attractive. Which is strange for me because I find every other kind of 'forbidden' man attractive....Amish, gay, bad boys, shorter than me....in fact, my ideal man would be a short, gay Amish man with a criminal past. Who could dance. And bake. And teach me how to use eye liner.

(This is what I got when I googled "hot short gay Amish bad boy")

Well, now you know me much better. The next edition of "stuff you don't know about me" will address "sounds I hate" and "why I vote based on hotness".

Oh snap!

Lori Ann

Revenge

My father is the devil. Yes, this seemingly sweet man, holding the little black kitten.

Another picture of the kitten. Because that's the direction this blog is going. All cats. All the time.

I graciously dropped my father off at the airport today and he told me a short cut way to get home that would take me "outside of the city". He knows that I hate/am scared of driving in the city. (and yes, I did; in fact, LIVE in the city (Philadelphia) for a year...but that's beside the point)

Anyway... THIS was the secret short cut. Right through the CITY.

Oh, that is it, old man...

revenge is sweet.

or maybe it's

vengeance is mine

no..it's

revenge is a dish best served cold.

So yeah...

Sweet, cold revenge will be mine!!

Lori Ann