It's so quiet in the world tonight

Today I have two riveting events to share with you.

Brace yourselves and prepare for a 

triumph of the human spirit! 

Well, not really.

 I just like to say that. 

Event One: Work Conference

Oh yeah..can you feel the excitement building?

 It was so hard for me not to add "But my nickname is Eugene".

 So hard.

This was my agenda at 8 am.                                        This was my agenda at 4pm. 

So yeah..it was pretty thrilling.

The most thrilling part was the CEU'S!!

 6 down, 24 to go.

Event Two: Making subway art without Danielle's supervision.

Probably not my brightest idea.

 Step 1: I tried to paint a graduated blue theme with sparkle paint and stars on the outside.

 Step 2: Then I added the quote.

 It's by Vicent Van Gogh.

 Step 3: I painted over all of it with black.

Step 4: I pulled off all of the stickers.

 It didn't turn out how I expected but maybe Danielle can fix it for me!

If there is any justice in this world, it will be fixed!
(I am in a "making grandiose statements" phase in my life)

And nothing will change me! Not even the threat of death!

OK, maybe the threat of death.

So, all in all it's been a pretty exhausting day.

 Nothing like half sleeping through a work conference and hours of mediocre crafting to drain you.

Anyway,

Happy General Conference Weekend, people!!

Lori Ann

And every word he spoke was rain

Random Thoughts Thursday

 (which I always steal from this blog)

1. I miss Sugar.

 It's a little lonely without her jumping out from behind every door and following me room to room.

2. Does it still count as therapy if I look up dental providers for my client while he works on his manuscript?

3. I've got a work conference tomorrow.

I always feel like such an adult when I have to go to these things.

But holy Hannah they are usually so boring.

 Between the awkward introduction games to the power points, these conferences make me feel a little deranged.

Therapists are so awkward.

(location of conference)

4. I am officially addicted to veggie burgers.

I usually don't like to push my preferences on others but I can seriously testify that if you haven't tried a veggie burger, you are missing out!

5. I've recently put some Hillary Weeks on my itunes.

 I still can't listen to it without feeling like I'm in the Chevy Malibu in Chicago, recording our miles and driving out to zone conference at the Pulaski. 

6. What quote would you want to see hanging in your therapist's office?

 I am going to make a subway art quote sign for my office this weekend, but I want to find something meaningful and appropriate.

 Any ideas?

7.  I need a new book series/ TV show/ movie to obsess over.

I am free falling around here, completely obsession free.

 It's unsettling.

Lori Ann

You don't know me

Here it is..the highly anticipated second edition of...

 Things I am not emotionally qualified to work on with my clients but I do it ANYWAY! 

In this installment, we will focus on my giving advice about stuff that I have absolutely NO experience in.

 I may or may not have said all of the following things
 (in the tone of sage and all knowing expert)

1. You should probably go to AA if you are compulsively binge drinking.

 Especially if it's black out drinking.

That's dangerous and it's happened to all of us at some point,

 but not every weekend.

2. Sure, pot has it's positives.

 It makes you feel good, relax, let go of your stresses.

 But once the high is over, all those stresses come right back, don't they?

 Plus, you've gained like 4 pounds from the munchies, so that's additional stress.

3. It doesn't really matter if I think F*&# is a bad word or an element of free expression.

 As long as you live with your mom, you are obligated to follow her rules.
(As therapists, we are supposed to be comfortable speaking to people in their own vernacular. Saying the F word makes me feel nauseated)

4. After a divorce you have to go through a grieving process.

The death of a relationship is like the death of a person in many ways.

 Divorce just tears you apart and makes you question even who you are and what your life is really about.

You feel like a failure.

5. It can be really painful to be judged or singled out because of your race.

It's a very isolating feeling.

The names, the bigotry.

Your race can be your greatest source of both pride and anxiety.

6. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world and it's thankless to a certain degree.

 All the late nights, the worry, it's exhausting.

 Which one of us hasn't stayed up all night, only to keep running all the next day?

7.  SEX

I can't tell you how often I have counseled people on their sex lives.

 Everything from erectile dysfunction to fetishes to herpes flare ups..and everything in between.

Holy Hannah..there is some WEIRD STUFF out there.

WEIRD.

So, if you need advice on how to overcome your anorexia,

 deal with the prejudice of being too pretty and not taken seriously,

or how to manage your gambling addiction- look no further!!

Lori Ann, LCSW

Free Falling

OK, it's been a couple of crazy weeks.

 I am now going to give you my life update.

 It's pretty much the most exciting thing you will read today, so you might want to sit down.

1. My car has stabbed me in the back again!

What in the DEVIL is a timing belt anyway?

 Suffice it to say that I am currently driving Jackie's sweet sweet Honda Civic and, after repair costs,

I am planning a menu of Ramon noodles...for the rest of my life!

2. I've been hanging out with my sister's kids.

Which is beautiful and strange.

 Just like them.

We've done the following over the past two weekends:

Accidentally made whole wheat scones

 Told strange stories wrapped (or covered) in a sheet

Tried to "out" Junior
 (much to his confusion)

Eaten Frosties like it was our job

 Stolen Big Jack's cereal,

 Allegedly played in a large tub of spaghetti
(They have NO real evidence it was us!)

 Tried to break into my parents house

 Foisted off our cats on Grandpa

Made subway art

 and as always

gotten hopped up on caffeine and made choices we would later regret.

3. I've been binging on Dannon Fruit on the Bottom yogurt.

I ate SIX of them on Saturday.

 That's not OK.

4. Explaining the Whore Hand concept to various coworkers.
(Because I like to keep it classy and professional in the work place)

5. I've recently taken to looking around my apartment and saying

"Somebody better clean this mess up" 

I like to say it in an accusatory and/or menacing tone.

 I'm not sure where this is going really, as I live alone.

But it just feels right;)

Anyway, that is my exciting life update. 

And to end on a philosophical note

"2 thine own self B tru"

Lori Ann

Your daily Sugar

Eureka

I have kind of a weird thing that I haven't really told anyone except my sisters.

I don't find very many people funny. 

Most of the time when I am laughing it's polite laughter. 

Not that I don't have fun and enjoy other people, but I really only have five people that I find genuinely hilarious.

These people are the following:

My sisters

 This weird guy named Cliff

 Karen Pepper

 and one of my camp friends,

 Eureka 
(Well, her real name is Becky)

But let's not get technical.

And the magic of Eureka is that she looks like the quintessential

 "Mean pretty girl"

The one the tormented us all in high school.

But she is FREAKING hilarious, self deprecating, random, and sharp.

When I am around these people I feel like I am sharpening my mind and it forces me to think and be creative because they are so brilliant it inspires me.

 So, short story long, I went to the movies with Eureka tonight.

The Hunger Games again.

This time the viewing included discussion of:

 Ponchos
(to be fair, the topic of ponchos comes up in my daily conversations with most people)

 Jelly rubbing

 Recreating the spider monkey moment in Twilight

How to deal with break ups when not in your country of origin

 And tracking down a woman named Potluck.

I am so glad I got to see her again!

There are really some friends you shouldn't let go of.

 Becky is totally one of those. 

Lori Ann

The Witching Hour

So, since I have recently come to recognize that I am an adult and I do and say whatever I want-
(as long as it's polite and legal and doesn't cause any conflict)

 I made the adult decision to go to see the Hunger Games movie at 9:45 am on Friday.

No crazy teenage midnight showings for me, no sir.

That is until tonight.

When my dad called and told me that I WAS going to the midnight show whether I wanted to or not.

With him, my mom, and Danielle.

And so, like the adult that I am, I took a deep breath and said..

"Yes, sir"

Hello midnight showing,

 goodbye pretense of being my own boss:)

Lori Ann

Your daily Sugar

Euro trash Utopia

My favorite quotes from my sleepover with the kids:

" Go on with your lies, Aunt Lori"
 (Jack-Jack- when I told him that I had to take care of his mother as a child as she was a sickly)

"I think it's mad!!"
 (Elly- talking to me in the middle of the night about her cat Willow.)

She claimed she was scared to let Willow sleep with her because she felt that Willow was mad. (Willow was sleeping) 

"I put my gum behind my ear when I'm eating meals"
 (James- who later had to have gum cut out of his hair)

"Honey mustard- more than meets the eye"
 (James- discussing pretzel dips)

"You break all the rules!"
(Jack-Jack, referring to me letting them eat cookies for dinner, stay up late,
 and go see the fountain at night)

It was a awesome sleepover with my very favorite people. 

Let's do it again as soon as possible muffin babies!!

Aunt Lori