But as long as there are stars above you

Elizabeth Mae Monroe at age 8


To my dear niece Elizabeth on the occasion of your 8th birthday

Elly, you are the magic in my life
I've loved every year of your life and
this year has been one of the best
Everything about you at 8 is awesome

From flippies to stompies
To makeup and break up stories
To singing Lorde and In summer
And seeing Frozen a million times
You are my Elsa, girl

You are a strong, independent woman
Who knows exactly what you want
(and is not afraid to tell anyone who will listen)
You tell me "girls rule the world"
And looking at you, I believe it

You love your pink bike with streamers
And dream of snowmen who love warm hugs
You still laugh like you did when you were 4
(Especially when we watch videos of you at 4)
"Seriously, why are you laughing?"

I've loved our Youtube parties
(what does the sock say?)
And watching movies at Uncle Davids
(and raiding his snacks)
I'll always remember  the night we got your bike
(the cold never bothered me anyway!)
And all our morning fashion and hair fights
(braid..no ponytail..not the scratchy sweater!)




I'll always remember our summer of soccer
(Look out for the girl in pink!)
And our walks through the cemetery
(talking about Puritans and religious freedom)
And our Chopped parties
(who chooses marsh mellow fluff and twinkies?!)
And our many YouTube tutorials
(How to play soccer- step 1)

Elly, I hope you know how beautiful you are
You are the oldest daughter of an oldest daughter of an oldest daughter of an oldest daughter
Every one of them a strong woman
And I see every one of them in you
You are brilliant and original and everything
I asked God for on the day you were born

I can't imagine my life without you, Elly bean.
 

Never, ever change.

Love always,

Aunt Lori

Previous Elly birthday tributes (there are 5 on this blog now!)

Age 4 

Age 5

Age 6

Age 7

It's because of you

It's another snow day!

 This week I will have only worked Tuesday and Thursday. So odd.

Anyway- as promised- today's post is my long awaited next addition to "Free therapy!"

So..today's topic.

 Reinforcing core beliefs.

All of us have things we believe strongly about ourselves. Both negative and positive. 

These are called our core beliefs. 

Most of them are formed in our first 6 years of life.
(the 'wonder years')

We spend the rest of our lives seeking out relationships and situations that reinforce these beliefs. Both the positive and negative.

A classic example would be:

The daughter of an abuser marrying an abusive man. 

Her core belief might be "I am worthless" and even if she intellectually knows different, she subconsciously seeks to reinforce what she has been taught about herself.

 It sounds odd, but we feel most comfortable in that place, even if its negative. 

Human beings are creatures of comfort. We learn something, we understand things a certain way, and we don't like information that changes those thoughts and feelings. 

Not that we aren't open to change our ideas or learn new things. Most of us are very intellectually curious and crave stimulation and new sensory input. 

It's just that our core beliefs are so strongly a part of us that they seem like fact- not something open to interpretation or change. 

Think about when someone compliments you on something you feel like you don't do well. How does it make you feel?

For me, it's when people say something like "You look nice today" or something along those lines.

 I have a strongly held belief that there is something wrong with me- from the way I look to how I present myself.

 I like to be around people who will laugh when I joke about how "fashionable" I am. I frequently say "You want my fashion advice, don't you?" looking to solicit laughs and reinforce the idea that I am a disaster. 

It almost makes my skin crawl to be complimented on how I look or how I dress. My coworkers are super sweet and will frequently say "Hey skinny!" or "You look so cute today". 

It's so hard for me to just nod quickly and say "umm..thanks!" 

I usually start to joke or change the subject. 

Intellectually I know I should look for people, friendships, and situations that reinforce positive ideas about me but I don't feel comfortable there. 

That's why most of the negative things we think about ourselves are so hard to change. Not because there isn't evidence to contradict those negative ideas but because we tend to avoid and discount it and look for things that reinforce the dysfunctional ideas we have about ourselves.

I hope this makes sense. 

There you have it!

 This week's Free Therapy. 

Next week (and now that I've gone private) I'm going to talk about my infamous 'sex homework'. 

Yes. There is nothing more appropriate than a single Mormon girl giving out sex homework. 

Be warned!

Lori Ann

Let's face it though. I am getting super hot. 

But though you're still with me

It's been an odd week. 

My office was closed yesterday. 

Open today.

Closed at least half a day tomorrow- or the whole day, depending on weather. 

Then I have Friday off.

I always dream of having lots of time off work but I really do thrive in a structured, routine environment. Too much time on my hands throws me off.

Anyway, 

I think I am finally ready to let go of my favorite client. 

I was telling my friend Michele that I go through periods of being super focused on people and then not caring about them at all.

My therapist says I am all or nothing.

 (maybe that's her polite way of calling me bipolar?)

I wonder if other people quote me the way that I quote my therapist. 

Yikes. 

I say some crazy stuff. 

Speaking of my clients, there is a lot of depression going on right now. With the crazy weather and everything. 

I kind of pick up on the energy of my clients at times and so I have been listening to a lot of sad songs.

Right now, "Someone like you" is playing. 

It kind of reminds me of my senior year of college. 

When I listened to "My Immortal" about 1000 times. Literally.

I think my roommate was plotting to kill me. 

Now I'm listening to "Carry you Home" by James Blunt

Lori Ann

p.s.- If tomorrow's a legit snow day- be ready. I plan to finally update my 'free therapy' feature on this blog. It's going to be epic!

And if the sun comes up tomorrow

My favorite Superbowl commercial

It's another snow day, people!

It's 10:13 am and I have 17 items left on my 'Snow Day' to do list.

I feel a little crazy right now.

I already filed my taxes.

It was rough having to itemize all of my investments, vacation homes, gambling winnings and such but me and my tax pro- turbo tax- got it done in about 10 minutes.

Is it bad that nothing has changed on my tax returns since I started filing at age 15? Except the income?

Anyway...

Other items on my to do list:

Make Dr. K (my fav psychiatrist) a t-shirt extolling the virtues of libertarianism

Create a scrapbook about my adventures with my sister's kids

Make rice krispy treats with above mentioned kids

Shovel (so I can get some dang cardio in)

Finish Valentines Day wreathes and Erin's package

Bake something

Create an official curriculum for my group therapy sessions

Sing along to some classic Prince. 

Wish me luck and happy, happy Snow day!

 (to all my East Coasters!)

Lori Ann

Oh yeah..let's not forget this one...

Update blog.

p.s.- I spent 2 hours making this for my office (I wanted a love themed quote for February) and it's HORRIBLE. Oscar Wilde deserves so much better!

You are my candy

So...

Today is Sugar's birthday. 

I have no idea when she was actually born, but it was probably around this time and I like the idea of her celebrating her birth on the same day that we celebrate another of our great animal friends- the Groundhog!

My favorite line from Groundhogs Day is "Don't drive angry". I always like the most obscure quotes. "I can see that you're serving drinks" is my favorite Star Wars line and "I've worked for the private sector. They expect results" is my favorite line from Ghost Busters. 

Anyway

 I was going to write a sentimental post about how much happiness the Sugar cookie has brought to my life and yada, yada but then I saw this. 

She has placed herself in the corner. (next to the drywall of all things)

So odd.

I think this is God's way of warning me never to have actual children.

If this is what I get with a cat, who knows what kind of devil creatures I would give birth to?

Anyway,

I have gotten 21 of the 24 items on my weekend to do list done. 

But I'm staying up until they are all done. 

And it might be a snow day tomorrow which means I can get even MORE done. 

I don't know what I am going to do when I get everything done.

 Everything I've had in the back of my mind for months (or years). 

What do people do when they are all caught up?

Is this when I take up golf?

Or recreational pot use?

Is pot use ever not recreational?

I'm not smoking now, I swear. 

Lori Ann

Forever could never be long enough

There have been a lot of important things going on in my life. 

Important like chili cook off victory, teaching my nieces to apply make up street walker style, making strange stuff for my friends, and random mental health diagnoses. 

Michele and I won second place in the chili cook off- let's start there. 

There were nine competitors. We were number 7. Our chili was called "Aunt Annie's Wild Chili Surprise" 

The surprise was that it was just chili. Cool, eh?

Here it is. Right next to "Flaming Freud's Chili"

Made by one of our psychiatrists, Diana.  She is the one who has been George Clooneying me.  Look at her apron!

Anyway- we totally won fair and square. There was none of the following involved in our victory: 

My dad actually making the chili.

Socially pressuring our coworkers to vote for us.

Voting multiple times. 

Absolutely NONE of that occurred. Nope. 

On to the next topic. 

Making weird Valentines Day crafts for my friends. Especially my new BFF- Michele.

 My niece keeps talking about her two BFFs at school and I always tell her about Michele. 

Michele listens to me whine. (I send her minimum 20 emails a day. 19 of them are me whining) 

Michele pushes me out of my comfort zone. ("Lori- you run social skills group therapy. You have to socialize")

Michele is going to hook me up with her hair dresser AND tattoo artist.  

The least I can do is make her weird craft gifts and leave my almonds in her office. 

Sugar is my crafting assistant 

Now that this blog is private, I have been kind of breaking my promise to my sister not to put her kids out there on the Internet. I hope none of you are pervs. Well, not that kind of perv, anyway.You can be an appropriate perv if you want. 

I love watching my nieces and nephews sleeping. They look like the baby versions of themselves and its so magical. 

Speaking of betrayal, look who is lounging with my parents! 

The previously mentioned classy make up. 

I know this post was all over the place. It's probably because of my new meds. 

So, I had my psych eval and I got an official ADHD diagnosis. 

Which doesn't sit well with me because I have always had this idea that you can't be overweight and have ADHD. But I manage both. Don't ask me how I do it :) 

And now I'm on meds for it. 

Which are making me get things done. 

But it's making me want to get TOO much done. Like covering 19 topics in this blog post. 

I'll probably take myself off this one soon enough:) 

I miss the crazy!

Lori Ann

p.s.- I photoshopped the heck out of myself for my new banner. My skin has never looked like that- but the cool thing is my nieces eyes are really that blue!

On such a winter's day

I found this picture on Danielle's computer and I like it!

It's 7:34 am and I feel like I already going crazy.

Here are some important life updates and/or requested information.

1. the Kmart photo pickup incident. *sigh*. Rather than telling the long, rambling story, I will leave you with these words of warning: Never fall asleep in the bathtub in an unlocked bedroom. Never trust your evil Irish twin, and most importantly- never go back to the Kmart again.

2. I am getting a psychiatric evaluation done today. YES! I know talking about my mental health must seem odd and like over sharing to you, but it's what I do all day so it feels so normal to me. My friend Michele (also known as Juror number 11) suggested I direct the doctor to this blog as evidence of my mental illness:) We'll see what they come up with!!

3. I am trying to find the right inspiring, comforting, healing quote to hang on the wall in my office. One I won't get tired of too quickly. Any ideas?

4. My favorite client was in yesterday. He's number 1 but I've got other favorites. It's probably a good thing that I'm not a mom because I feel like I would have favorites there too. I do as an aunt. Although the list is always changing depending on which niece or nephew is catering to me most at the moment:) 

That is all.

Lori Ann