It's because of you

It's another snow day!

 This week I will have only worked Tuesday and Thursday. So odd.

Anyway- as promised- today's post is my long awaited next addition to "Free therapy!"

So..today's topic.

 Reinforcing core beliefs.

All of us have things we believe strongly about ourselves. Both negative and positive. 

These are called our core beliefs. 

Most of them are formed in our first 6 years of life.
(the 'wonder years')

We spend the rest of our lives seeking out relationships and situations that reinforce these beliefs. Both the positive and negative.

A classic example would be:

The daughter of an abuser marrying an abusive man. 

Her core belief might be "I am worthless" and even if she intellectually knows different, she subconsciously seeks to reinforce what she has been taught about herself.

 It sounds odd, but we feel most comfortable in that place, even if its negative. 

Human beings are creatures of comfort. We learn something, we understand things a certain way, and we don't like information that changes those thoughts and feelings. 

Not that we aren't open to change our ideas or learn new things. Most of us are very intellectually curious and crave stimulation and new sensory input. 

It's just that our core beliefs are so strongly a part of us that they seem like fact- not something open to interpretation or change. 

Think about when someone compliments you on something you feel like you don't do well. How does it make you feel?

For me, it's when people say something like "You look nice today" or something along those lines.

 I have a strongly held belief that there is something wrong with me- from the way I look to how I present myself.

 I like to be around people who will laugh when I joke about how "fashionable" I am. I frequently say "You want my fashion advice, don't you?" looking to solicit laughs and reinforce the idea that I am a disaster. 

It almost makes my skin crawl to be complimented on how I look or how I dress. My coworkers are super sweet and will frequently say "Hey skinny!" or "You look so cute today". 

It's so hard for me to just nod quickly and say "umm..thanks!" 

I usually start to joke or change the subject. 

Intellectually I know I should look for people, friendships, and situations that reinforce positive ideas about me but I don't feel comfortable there. 

That's why most of the negative things we think about ourselves are so hard to change. Not because there isn't evidence to contradict those negative ideas but because we tend to avoid and discount it and look for things that reinforce the dysfunctional ideas we have about ourselves.

I hope this makes sense. 

There you have it!

 This week's Free Therapy. 

Next week (and now that I've gone private) I'm going to talk about my infamous 'sex homework'. 

Yes. There is nothing more appropriate than a single Mormon girl giving out sex homework. 

Be warned!

Lori Ann

Let's face it though. I am getting super hot.