Fear doesn't shut you down. It wakes you up.

Random Thoughts and Life Update

Dawn continues to be the best person on Earth. 

Weird things happen when I hang out with my sister's kids

I (cough *my dad* cough) made this cake for our maintenance appreciation luncheon today. Everyone loved it! 

I feel like I spend half my life on a treadmill

I have been reading a new book.

Divergent.

 I am always a little behind the trends.

I bought it because I liked the trailer I saw for it when I was at the movies last week.


It's really, really interesting.

I don't know what faction I would be put in.

I love the idea of Abnegation but I think I'm too selfish.

I'm not smart enough for Eurdite and not honest enough for  Candor.

And definitely not brave enough for Dauntless.

I guess I would likely be Amity.

Because I really do desire peace.

Not world peace. Just peace in my life.

If I could choose, I would choose Abnegation.

I've always said that if I wasn't Mormon, I would seriously consider converting to an Amish lifestyle.

I don't know if it's my Puritan heritage or what but I love the idea of dedicating your life to simple pursuits, trying to draw closer to God, and self denial.

Which is odd because I am kind of self indulgent in reality.

I saw my therapist again.

Nothing revolutionary at this appointment.

I wouldn't want to be the therapist of a therapist.

Lori Ann

p.s.- I've been working too much. It's making me feel crazy. 

I close my eyes

Yesterday was a very important day in our family.

It was Elizabeth Mae Monroe's baptism day!!

I just know that when Heavenly Father looks down on Elly, He is SO proud. 

She is beautiful, strong, brilliant, and amazing in every single way. 

She inherited everything that is good and fierce and wonderful about my sister. 

I am the luckiest woman on Earth to be able to call her my niece. 

Her baptism dress from our grandmother. I love that this dress passed from from Ann to Elly. Ann is the oldest daughter, my mom is the oldest daughter, Danielle is the oldest daughter, and now, Elly is the oldest daughter. 

Me and an incredibly reluctant to be in the picture Elly Bean.

I would have featured Elly and her mom but Danielle doesn't like to be in pictures.

Its probably a violation of her contract with Vogue or something like that:) 

Anyway, I can't wait for all the rest of the white dress days in Elly's life.

When she goes to the Temple before her mission.

Her wedding day.

When she has her own babies and dresses them in white for their blessings and baptisms.

Or when she runs around taking pictures on those days for her sister's kids.

I just know that Elly is going to be an awesome aunt as well as mom, missionary, and woman.

When you read this one day, Elly- I want you to know that you are incredible.

Never forget that.

Never forget how much God loves you.

I know God loves me because He brought you into my life and you make me proud and happy every single day.

Love always,

Aunt Lori

For Dawn on the 28th day

So, as I've talked about many times, the only real life long friends I have ever had have been my sisters.

I do have some people- primarily former mission companions- who, if they lived closer, I would demand that we be best friends. They are all (ok, all except 1) incredible women.

My therapist (I LOVE saying that) said I don't have friendship building skills because I moved so much as a kid and had a built in peer group with my siblings.

Also, I admit, I'm a little sociopathic and am not that interested in other people.

So, my point in all of this painful self analysis is that- you guys- I have real friends. Incredible, kind, wonderful, amazing, real friends.

And one of them is named Dawn.

And, as I mentioned in a previous post, she is helping me count down until my half marathon.

So, every day when I walk into my office, I find something like the above.

She has a son, a husband, a busy, busy job and a million other things to do, but she takes the time every day to support me in my weird goals. Who does that?

She is an example to me of true charity.

This whole changing my life and my health and becoming a better person has been the hardest battle of my life. (well, besides surviving Chicago, Ill for 18 months)

Thank you, Dawn.

You don't know how much your support means to me.

Lori Ann

Hit me with your best shot

So, 

I brought Sugar over with me this morning when I came to hang out with my sister's kids. 

I don't know how they do it but my sister's kids make every life situation hilarious. 

Sugar did NOT like their cat Willow and Willow was not a fan of Sugar. 

So, Sugar is in one corner, hissing, and Willow is backing up and James is saying in a

(I kid you not)

boxing ring announcer voice 

'I would not want to be either one of them at this moment. Look at this, folks "

I was just like "who is this kid?" 

Then, my sweet Katy Kat, starts counseling Willow, saying 'Sugar's new here and she's just a kitten.We've got to give her time to look around". 

It was SO precious. 

She reminded me so much of my sister Erin in that moment. 

I know these kid stories are really only of interest to me, but it's my blog, damn it!

And these are the stories I want the kids to read in my blog book when they are 40 and trying to remember the stories of their childhood. 

Lori Ann

Te regalo mi cintura

Ok, here is what has been going on in my exciting, exciting life..

I've been at the gym almost every day. 

Except yesterday, when I decided that the walking paths were probably ok because we had a warm weekend. BUT NO.

I walked a half mile down the path only to be confronted by huge patches of ice. Then I turned around and marched back and went down a different path. Got about 1/4 mile and MORE ICE.

I tried though. It was a triumph of the human spirit. 

Feel free to cite this story when trying to motivate and inspire others.

ha ha. 

I walked 5 miles tonight. I haven't been running as much because it bothers the metal in my left leg. I hate that one fall on the ice at age 20 affects me to this day. 

Whatever. Hopefully as I get more in shape, running won't bother the metal or the break area as much. 

Ahh..the gym. Why do people choose the treadmill RIGHT NEXT TO YOU when there are 12 empty ones? 

I'm experimenting with weird church clothes. Including high heels. (well, high for me) I wore this odd get up last week. Go me!

I trial ran these shoes at church this week. Other than clumping around like a weirdo, I liked it. Now to wear them to work...

Work has been nuts. Literally nuts. Thankfully I have my favorite coworkers who keep me sane and help me not completely hide in my office, rage eating skittles. 

Rage is my new favorite word. Add it before anything and it makes it sound edgy and cool.

For example, "I am going to totally rage eat this bowl of oatmeal".

 See what I mean?

Anyway, speaking of good friends, I learned something kinda awesome today. 

You don't fill in the blank with the F word here with Michele. 

And you will NOT see Dawn next Tuesday. 

Lori Ann

p.s.- You know your life is in a good place when you hear your nephew say (in the middle of Sunday family dinner) "Dirty Gerty is missing an arm". I love you, James Monroe. 

Just an old, sweet song

Sooooo..... Today was interesting. 

I broke up a fight, speed walked 8 miles, and made rice krispy treats with my successor. 

It was epic. 

Unfortunately I don't have any pictures of the fight but here is me after 8 miles on the devil treadmill.

I was SO excited to walk today because it was a beautiful day. I drove to the park I always walk at, put on my headphones, laced up my sneakers- Ode to Joy was playing as I started around the 1/2 mile track.....and then...ICE.

All the snow was melting and anywhere on the track that was in the shade was covered in slippery, slippery ice. 

I was enraged. 

So, I inched back across the ice and drove to the gym. Where I had planned to walk 10 miles but only made it to 8. My legs were starting to feel a weird, icy feeling around 7 miles and I could really feel the metal in my leg. Also, I was done being surrounded by weird gym people.

I'll go for 9 next Saturday. 

One step at a time.

Before all of this, I made rice krispy treats with the infamous Katherine Danielle Monroe. 

We had a youngest child party. It was amazing. Even when Elly joined us, insisting that she had been the youngest child for 2 years and so should be able to help make the treats:) 

Then-later in the day- I saw two of my neighbors fighting. Which I would not normally involve myself in but one was an adult and one was a 12 year old. Child abuse kinda gets to me, I guess.

So, I tried to use my therapist voice and break things up. 

It got kind of resolved and I was able to go home and have some kosher pickles and fruit loops.

The end of a rather magical day.

Lori Ann

He filled my life with endless wonder

Some things I don't want to forget from this crazy, crazy week. 

Seeing these in the hallway outside of my office yesterday. 

They are from my sister Erin. She sends me flowers a few times a year. Just because she is thoughtful like that. 

Erin never forgets me. She always knows when I am stressed or overwhelmed or if I just had a week with 100 back to back appointments in it. (or when someone tells me (like today) that an alligator could do my job better than me)

Best. Sister. Ever. 

This was hanging on my office when I got in earlier this week. It's from Dawn, one of my very favorite coworkers. She left me a card today that said "35".

She's counting down to my half marathon.

How sweet is that? 

She is also holding my crackers for me so that I don't eat more than 5 at lunch time. 

That's true friendship. 

Dawn is amazing.

Anyway...other stuff I want to remember...

James told me that I was "lame" because I didn't have the song Bad Company on my iPad.

Katy was talking about how she wants to be a mom one day. She said she is going to find her future husband in either New York or Utah. She was talking about being a little scared to have a baby in her stomach and so I said "You can always adopt a baby" and she said "I can just go to the hospital and get one?" 

She sounded really excited. :) 

All the marriage and baby talk prompted me to talk about the man I want to marry and I was listing the qualities I want: metro sexual, in touch with his feelings... and Jack Jack states "Someone who will do whatever you say"

How does he know me so well?

Speaking of Jack Jack- today he said that the reason that I get so aggravated with him at times was because I am still upset about not being present at his birth. (which I agreed with!)

(He was due Oct. 1st- I came out Sept. 30th and had to leave on Oct. 8th- the day he was born. My sister was half way through labor when I had to leave)

When I got home from work, Elly and her friend were playing outside in the snow. Elly yells over to me "Aunt Lori, we have ice powers!". Then, after a quick, whispered conference with her friend, she turns to me and states "Umm..never mind. No, we don't!"  They look so relieved when I said "ok". (I guess the ice powers are supposed to be secret. But I am so selling this story to the tabloids)

My parents are sick. This thing was waiting for me when I got home today. My mother has been trying to get her hands on a manniquin for her trainings at work. (she has asked in several stores "What are you doing with that manniquinn?" I told her that she was making us look like serial killers)

Anwyay, I gues she finally got her hands on one and it scared me like 10 times tonight. 

Bizzare. 

I've been to the gym almost every single day. 

I love my new gym. It helps me push myself to work out, knowing that the steam room and hot tub await me at the end!

I went to a weight loss support group and learned about organic stuff. (yuck)

Tomorrow, my goal is to walk/run 10 miles.

Wish me luck!!

Lori Ann