Up to the highest height aka the Job Chronicles

You guys.

This may already be featured on Youtube. I am sure someone caught it on video, but I feel like my loyal readers should hear it from me first.

Today I fell in front of my office building while outside flying a kite.

Oh yes. Don't adjust your screen..you read it right.

I fell.

In front of my office.

While outside.

Flying a kite.

(A lady bug kite to be exact.)

On the upside, the weird road rash scrape I got on my hands and legs matches my red dress today.

Today was an epic day in the life of the Spinster Chronicles. I've contemplated a few times in the hours since "the incident" renaming this 'Job's Chronicles' since our lives have so many parallels now.

Anyway, in closing, I'd like to say what I think we are all pretty much thinking in this moment.

Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.

Lori Ann

On the outskirts of New Orleans

If I met my clients in the park and was comfortable hugging them- this would be me. I'm the one in the orange hat. They're in the weird multi colored hat.

This job is making me feel like a compassion whore.

I literally have one person in my office, crying, and talking about their problems and then; on the hour, I kick them out and bring in the next one.

And I make a conscious effort to make every person feel like they are my only client.

Like I don't want them to think I might be "cheating" with other clients.

I will wait until they leave the building before I call the next client's name, even if I see them sitting out in the waiting room.

But I am cheating on my clients. With many, many other clients.

Oh yes.

I have over 100 clients.

There are days when I can't remember whose problems are whose and then a client comes in and says

"Well I finally did what you asked."

I am frantically trying to remember "what did I tell them?"

But I will smile and say "Oh wow, I can't believe it. Tell me everything".

I'm pretending to remember..almost pretending to care. (But I do care..it's just..)

Pretending. Just like a legit whore.

As a way to deal with these uncomfortable feelings I got myself some office decor from IKEA. It was completely the right choice.

I think it's healing for both myself and the clients to see quirky knickknacks placed next to weird European lamps. 

If any brothels read (and you know they must) think about taking my advice and sprucing up those sad little houses of ill repute with some weird stuff from ikea. Take that place from whorehouse to euro trash utopia.

That is all.

Lori Ann

* Readers beware- I've given up sugar and caffeine again and I'm sure it is reflected in my posts!*

No one told me about her

Ellie and I saw a giant turtle named Percy today. And had some fruit by the foot.

That is all.

Lori Ann

A sweet old fashioned notion

It's Valentines Day, people.

You know what that means!!!

It's time for a Random Spinster Chronicles Update

This one will be the LOVE edition!!

Random Update # 1

I am still in love with this cat.

 She is so crazy.

Evil, even.

 But it doesn't get any cuter than the Sugar Cookie.

Random Update # 2

I am in love with spying on other people's offices and trying to make mine more cozy.

 Everyone else's office screams "Come and tell me your deepest secrets in this warm and welcoming refuge".

 My office screams " Any person who could or would combine discount Halloween themed crafts with glitter and a Spanish Bible cannot be trusted- walk slowly away"

 *Sigh*..

There is still no art on the wall. I can't find any that I deem therapisty- enough.

 Inspiring, soothing, and original- that shouldn't be so difficult, right?

For right now, my clients can stare at my book shelf.
(and yes, that is a Harry Potter quote on the second level. Fairly bad ass, eh?)

Random Update # 3

 

First Philly and then NYC.

I am in love with showing these kids our amazing East Coast...where to next????

Random Update # 4

I am in love with my job- it challenges me in ways I never thought it would.

 For example- I am thinking of hanging a handmade sign next to my state licensure that says "Lori Hinsdale- unlicensed sexologist".

I counsel people on their sex lives daily.

 Sex lives, lack thereof, dysfunction, fetish, and on and on...

 Good thing I am speaking from such a place of authority and knowledge!!

I wish you all the most thrilling of Valentines Days!

Lori Ann

Stuck in her daydream

Random Monday Morning  Updates

*beware- this list is all over the place*

1. I try not to watch award shows.

 I find them smug and self congratulatory.

 As if the money and fame weren't enough, celebrities need awards too?

 Get back to me when they have the Nurses Award show....but....I may have been flipping through and caught this performance and now I'm obsessed with Ed Sheeran.

2. Speaking of musical obsessions, I have a new favorite song.

You know you want to hear it.

3.Is it just me or is it kind of awesome that I'm a Jay-Z fan?

 He and Kayne wanted me to collaborate with them on their Watch the Throne album.

 But I wasn't ready to give up my high paying social work career for music just yet:)

4. Who is going to die on Revenge next week?? WHO????

5. Ellie's birthday week has ended.

She is probably, at this moment, ditching school to pogo around the garage.

 This was my favorite picture from her week long birthday celebration.

  

This list was all over the place.

Anyway, tomorrow I will be back to blogging about scandalous things.

 Like politics.

 Or how Frank Ocean being gay makes him SOOOOOO much hotter to me.

Lori Ann

I know her face by heart

To my dear niece Elizabeth Mae, on the occasion of your 7th birthday.

Ellie
(or "Elly" if you are old school)

 7 years have come and gone like they were a dream.

You went from being our red headed baby to our crazy Ellie girl.

It's hard to believe that you have grown up so quickly.

You are an incredible 7 year old.

You are brave.

 Any girl who can dance on a subway packed with people and teach herself to ice skate in one day has to be absolutely fearless.

You are strong.

You forgive easily and are never afraid to show others love.

 You are not afraid to try new things or learn new ideas.

 You try harder than anyone I've ever met.  

You are beautiful.

From your sparkling blue eyes to your always moving feet, you are a true one of a kind beauty of the Steel Magnolia variety.
 (you were born in the south, after all)

There aren't enough words for me to say.

 I want to you to know that are you

  smart, unique, lovable, fierce, hard working, friendly, kind, driven, fabulous

and a million other things as well.

If I started writing, I might never stop.

You are everything, Ellie.

Everything sweet and sparkly in the whole world and I could not imagine my life without you.

Thanks for being the most amazing niece ever!!

Love always,

Aunt Lori

Our Ellie Belly at age 3!

Some have gone and some remain

*Press play and move to 20 second mark as you read. It's the song playing in my mind as I write!*

(If you want to)

Top 5 Reasons I am SO GLAD that I went to NYC last week

5. I am glad because it reminded me that there is more to life than the same old 9-5 and that adventure is not just for the wealthy or privileged.

 Anyone can have adventure if they really want it.

4. I am glad because it reminded me that; as much as I push my clients, its hard for me to get out of my comfort zone.

 I hated not knowing where I was or how to get around.

I hated not having control over every aspect of my day.

 I really hated that I had become so rigid without knowing it.

3.  I am glad because it reminded me of why I love being an aunt.

 This is the age I have been waiting for.

 Through the baby years and the crazy toddler years and all the other stages.

 Now; they are at the age of exploration and there is something magical about showing them things and places they've never seen before.

 If I could, I would show them the whole world.

My aunt's ring!
 (with their first name initials)

2. I am glad because it reminded me of why I love living on the East Coast.

 I think you all know that I love where I come from.

NYC is 90 minutes away,

 DC is 2 1/2 hours,

 and Philadelphia is one 45 minute drive from my front door.

 I love it here.

I love it, love it, love it.

1. I am glad because it reminded me that I don't want to get to the end of my life and discover that I have not lived.

I haven't gotten out of my comfort zone enough in last 10 years.

 I haven't been adventurous and I regret that.

 But I don't want to live with that kind of regret anymore.

So, I plan to go back to NYC.

Maybe sometime later this month or next.

 As soon as my burning feet and legs recover from this trip.

 As God as my witness, I will never go to NYC this out of shape again!

Lori Ann

Yea I'm out that Brooklyn

Not all of our NYC stories have pictures.

Thinking ahead to my eventual political career, that's probably a good thing.

 Anyway..here are a few of our New York stories.

(Beware: this post is extremely and self indulgently long and detailed)

Danielle and kids in front of the bottom half of the Freedom Tower.

The first thing we did when we got to NYC was tour the WTC memorial.

 It was beautiful and sad. 

The kind of sad that leaves you feeling a little numb.

 I think that every American should see it at least once.

Then we were off for for some steaming cups of hot chocolate at a fancy, two level, wait to be seated Burger King in uptown Manhattan.

 This was the location of the infamous Hot Chocolate Debacle.

In summary, by the time we left, tears had been shed, hot chocolate had been spilled, and Jack-Jack was left with one glove. 
(a la Michael Jackson).

 On a strange side note, I also kept hearing the employees saying "there's a troll by the bathroom".

Perhaps "troll" is NYC code for hot British guy having a minor disagreement with his girlfriend. 

Because that's what I encountered by the bathroom.

Anyway.. 

The next thing that happened was the Staten Island Ferry. 

Which brings us to Katy's shocking announcement.

 As several hundred of us crowded together to board the Ferry, Katy made the shouted announcement that Danielle was not her "real mom" but was babysitting her until her real mom
 (someone named "Chelly") 

came for her. 

As I frantically scanned the crowd to see who might be dialing 911,  Danielle  stated in a loud voice 
"Well, it's been four and a half years, and she hasn't come yet". 

 Completely epic!! 

After that Lifetime Television "Someone stole my baby" moment we had about ten minutes of peering at NYC through the salt encrusted windows of a lower deck, before we ventured up to the top "hurricane" deck.

Aren't they so cute? 

Elly and Jack ran right out the door but James was scared and stood in the doorway for at least a full minute.

 I think I will always remember the sight of him there, trying to overcome his fear.

 He finally got the nerve and stepped out onto the deck. 

He loved it so much that I just know one day he'll be a pirate.

 (Not today's weird, kidnapping, drug running pirates. But the romantic, ladies man, swashbuckling pirates of old. James is going to bring that back, I am sure of it.)

 Hot dogs and diet coke on the floor of the ferry terminal on Staten Island. 

Our NYC picnic.  

 Oh, I think this picture speaks for itself.

 As does the fact that I have at least 20 just like it.

 Ellie owned the pole.

 It's kind a weight off my mind that we probably won't have to start a college fund for her.

 I think she'll find a way to pay for medical school. 
(This blog is really walking the line of bad, bad taste right now)

 The dinosaur floor of The Museum of Natural History. 

On the first floor (the Earth and Space floor) we were lured into this little theater with the idea that we would be learning about black holes.

 But instead we watched strange, geeky scientists talk about polarization, inflation, and something called "the cosmic microwave background". 

I kept waiting for the black hole tie in, but it never came.

 Sadly, this would not be the only time NYC stabbed me in the back that day
 (I'm talking about you, 2 dollar laffy taffies!) 

The last story of today's post

 (because, oh yes, there are many more stories to come)

 brings us to the one and only Time Square picture we have.

 Of James and Elly with Elmo and cookie monster.

We shook them down.

 Or rather, Danielle did.

I knew they would want money, but Danielle felt that they were standing on the street corner, just for the sheer joy of taking pictures with kids.

And she didn't give them any money.

Another epic move by my crazy sister.

Anyway, I've rambled so much during this post. 

And most of the stories are those "you had to be there" type. 

But it makes me happy to know that the kids will be able to look back and remember even the little details.

My parents took us to a few cities when we were young and I have almost no memories.

 What I wouldn't give to have had a blog for my mom to write in back then.

Anyway, there will be a few more stories tomorrow and then back to my usual schedule of posts about mental health and my cat.

In lieu of a closing "see ya" or some such,  I am right now throwing you some upper East side gang signs.

Because New York gave me street cred like that.

Lori Ann

There are places I remember

Danielle and the kids looking at the distant Statue of Liberty

I don't think there is any experience in life that can prepare you for ten hours in New York City with four children.

War, maybe.

There is so much I want to say. So many stories to tell. 

The hot chocolate debacle.

 Jerome and the dodge ball discussion.

 Ellie's proclivity for pole dancing.

 Katy's shocking Staten Island Ferry announcement. 

Picnicking like true New Yorkers. 

Finding Alexander Hamilton by accident.

The Time Square Elmo shakedown.

Three words: Cosmic Microwave Background. 

James's first big step toward his future as a pirate. 

And so many more.

 I pledge to tell each and every story, not just for my beloved readers, but for the kids. So they'll always remember the craziness that was their first trip to NYC. 

The subway--- Monroe style. 

Lori Ann