On such a winter's day

I found this picture on Danielle's computer and I like it!

It's 7:34 am and I feel like I already going crazy.

Here are some important life updates and/or requested information.

1. the Kmart photo pickup incident. *sigh*. Rather than telling the long, rambling story, I will leave you with these words of warning: Never fall asleep in the bathtub in an unlocked bedroom. Never trust your evil Irish twin, and most importantly- never go back to the Kmart again.

2. I am getting a psychiatric evaluation done today. YES! I know talking about my mental health must seem odd and like over sharing to you, but it's what I do all day so it feels so normal to me. My friend Michele (also known as Juror number 11) suggested I direct the doctor to this blog as evidence of my mental illness:) We'll see what they come up with!!

3. I am trying to find the right inspiring, comforting, healing quote to hang on the wall in my office. One I won't get tired of too quickly. Any ideas?

4. My favorite client was in yesterday. He's number 1 but I've got other favorites. It's probably a good thing that I'm not a mom because I feel like I would have favorites there too. I do as an aunt. Although the list is always changing depending on which niece or nephew is catering to me most at the moment:) 

That is all.

Lori Ann

Grab up my glasses

Because this blog isn't narcissistic enough, I've decided to do a post about a day in my life.

It's going to make you feel one or (most likely) all of the following thing:

Jealous

Amazed

Mildly nauseated

Vaguely bored and wondering if your time on the Internet couldn't be put to more productive use than this. 

Here we go...

I wake up in the morning, feeling like P-Diddy...

And leave this exciting bed. Ignore the stuffed rabbit. Peachy is of no consequence to this discussion.

I get on my sexy workout clothes

Then eat the breakfast of champions!

Mornings are when I  look the most sexy

It's rare I come here this early. All the weird gym crazys are here at 6:15 am

I was going to get my trainer to take a picture of me after two grueling hours at the gym but he was too busy lecturing me on (and I quote) " getting my ass to the gym"

I arrive at my lovely place of employment

Walk down the infamous "red wing"

And arrive in my office and proceed to take awkward self portraits with the self timer

Then I hang out with some incredibly cool people. Who don't question why I am running around taking pictures between appointments:)

I do not eat any of the chocolate in my office. Nope. Not even one...or twelve pieces. No. 

My new favorite office picture:) 

More riveting scenes from my office

6 appointments, one super hot lunch date!, and 3 hours of paperwork later and...

I look like I've been hit with a sledgehammer

I've skipped a few scenes from my day of course.

Not pictured:

Any of my appointments. Dang HIPPA.

Changing in my office. Yes. I frequently change in my office.

Putting on my makeup around 11 am. It felt like the right time.

Obsessively emailing my favorite client.

Trying to convince my parents to join me in a State of the Union drinking game

My luxurious bubble bath. I promised myself to never take another picture in the bathroom after the K-mart photo pickup incident of 2002.

And various other exciting life details.

There you have it.

A day in the life of the Spinster Chronicles.

Lori Ann

It's awfully cold outside tonight

The Sugar Cookie!

Do you ever think about your life and how it all kind of hinged on one decision?

I don't know why I've been thinking about this lately

 (maybe because I have minimal responsibility in my life and lots of time to ponder all the existential questions)

 but I've been thinking about two things

 two words really

 without which I would never have been born.

#1- I think I've talked on here before about my Dad's oldest brother. His name was Ray. By the late 40's, my grandparents had two sons- Ray and my uncle Don. From what I've heard, that is all they planned to have. One day, when he was 4, Ray asked my grandmother if he could go across the street. She said 'yes'. They lived on a quiet little street in a quiet little town in Michigan. 

He got hit by a car and died. 

There is a good chance that if she had said "no" to his question that day that my dad would never have been born. Which; of course, means I would never have been born. 

My grandmother never really got over his death. If I could change that day for her, I would. It's odd that because of that day, I am here.

#  2- This again relates to my dad. My grandparents were religious people- my dad remembers attending various churches in his childhood. But two LDS missionaries knocked on their door when my dad was about 16. And they said "yes" and let them in. 

9 years later my parents met at church. 

If my grandparents had said "no" that day to those two missionaries there is a strong likelihood that they never would have joined the church and my dad wouldn't have found himself in the back row of a random Mormon church in Bridgeton, NJ in 1975. Where he would meet the oldest of the 5 Wilson sisters- my dear mother.

I am sure there a million little moments through all of our ancestry, where everything could have changed in an instant. It's so interesting to think about. 

Anyway, don't look for TSC to be getting super meta and philosophical in the future. This blog will proudly remain mostly about my cat and my plans for world domination.

Lori Ann

The cold never bothered me anyway

Beware: The following is an extremely self indulgent Aunt Post. 

I have been having a lot of fun times with this Elly Bean lately so I wanted to write down some memories.
 (So I can remember them for my toast at her wedding!)

1. Except for the birth of James Ray Monroe, I recently had my most magical moment as an aunt with Elly.  I was planning to get her a bike for her birthday but after watching her test drive some around at Walmart (and because I possess no impulse control)- we got one early. She rode it up to the checkout and it was so fun to see all of the adults smiling fondly at her. You could just feel the 'I got a new bike' happiness kind of poring off of her. We got home with the bike and even though it was already dark, I watched her ride her bike in circles for an hour and a half. She was singing songs from Frozen and ringing her bell and kept hopping off and saying "It's a pink bike with streamers and a bell and NO training wheels!" It was pure Elizabeth Mae magic. 

2. Speaking of Frozen, we've seen it 3 times together. She knows all the songs and actually identifies, not with the heroine, Anna, but her ice cursed sister Elsa. She tells me that I can call her Elsa :) The third viewing was my favorite as she was singing along to all the songs. 

3. On the car ride to Walmart last night she asked me if I had ever broken up with anyone. I told her that I dumped Brad Pitt when he became famous. She was fascinated. "What did you say to him?" I told her that I yelled "I never want to see your face again!" to Brad. She then told me about her long distance love for a boy named Chasen and how he kissed her on the nose in kindergarten. 

I have so many randomly awesome moments with Elly.

 She is standing next to me right now, talking about how she wants to get her ears pierced.

Today we talked about Joan of Arc and made a valentines wreath (and a tutorial video for youtube- Elly is all about the tutorial videos!). 

Yesterday we talked about how her friend's parents aren't married and what she thinks about that. 

Today she has blue nails and sparkly hair. 

What happened to my little Elly belly? 

When did she become this brave, adventurous, silly, intelligent, focused, beautiful almost 8 year old?

Lori Ann

You're the one I can't replace

In tribute to Terry Ann on her 29th birthday... 

My mother is one of the most fascinating women I have ever met. 

Kind of like Mona Lisa fascinating. 

My mother is a nurse by trade but in my life she has been, more than anything, a teacher.

She has taught me so much. 

That I should never trust a man to take care of me. 

That flattery works better than criticism 9 times out of 10.

That if you really love someone, you bake them a homemade cake. 

That you've got to be ready for whatever happens. 

That velveeta shells and cheese really only needs about half the cheese they provide you with. 

All the important things, right?

She is so many things to so many people.

Older sister to 8.

Aunt to 40 plus.

Great aunt to probably another 40.

Soon to be great- great aunt to 1. 

Daughter of two of the most...ummm....unusual....people I have ever met. 

Mother of 4 children. (3 weirdos and 1 incredible, amazing blessing)

Den mother to an entire nursing home of employees.

Partner in sexual harrasement education with various (ok, only one) gay men. 

Wife of Dave "Cheeseburger" Hinsdale. (notorious for carrying his lunch in his pocket and also shady former career choices)

And probably most important to her-

Grandmother to 4 of the wildest, weirdest, smartest, coolest kids on earth. 

In 58 years my mother has lived an amazing life. I feel very lucky to have been part of all the madness. 

Thanks for everything, Ma. 

I hope this ends up being the very best year of your life!

Lori Ann

Rage quitting and other bad ideas

How I felt by the 5 pm today

Sorry for the sporadic blogging.

It's been a stressful, crazy week.

And today was the icing on the cake of a kind of miserable week. 

Today I had 6 appointments in a row. 

Not unusual (though most days I try not to have more than 4 in a row- I start zoning out after that)

But EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of them was a client that challenges me. 

I love every single one of my clients but some of them are just tougher. For one reason or another. 

They leave a session after 45-50 minutes and I feel like collapsing on the floor.

And today I had 6 in a row. 

And they were overlapping. One would run over and the next would be literally knocking on my office door.

There were a few minutes towards the end when I LITERALLY contemplated screaming. 

Just screaming. 

This is one reason I am glad to have gone private. I wouldn't want any of my clients to read this although I don't think I am violating their confidentiality in saying it. 

So, sorry this is kind of a ranting, whiny post. 

I wish I had some uplifting things to say. 

Actually, I have to tell you the story of my greatest Aunt moment ever that happened this week. 

I'll write that post tomorrow. 

When I've recovered from today. 

Lori Ann

Time is a wheel in constant motion

A few things I don't want to forget from this past week:

The 'Stingy Velveeta Shells and Cheese Incident of 2014'. My mother is famous for her culinary adventures. Once she washed off a waffle that had syrup on it and served it to my father with powdered sugar. She's made microwave popcorn for dinner on several occasions. She used to make the nastiest alba bars and try to force people to eat them. She thinks applesauce is the perfect side dish to every meal. Well, this weekend she added another tale to the long list.

I'm not going to tell it here because it will sound lame unless you were there. But suffice it say that she is off shells and cheese duty for the foreseeable future:)

On Saturday night, Danielle and I watched The Princess Bride with her kids. (after a somewhat horrific round of 'chopped' in which the 3 ingredients were cotton candy, marshmallow fluff, and Twinkies) I love that they are old enough to appreciate this movie. James was yelling "The cliffs of insanity!" over and over the other day and now if you say "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father" they will all shriek "PREPARE TO DIE!" :)

I came into the office at 5:30 am today. I am scheduled 12:30 to 8:30, so I came in 7 hours early. The only downside is now it is 11 am, my working hours haven't even started yet and I am ready to go home:) It's going to be a long 15 hours in the office today. (my last hour is my teen social skills group...yikes!)

My nutritionist approved a 2 week liquid diet. To get me back on track and help break my carb cravings and shrink my stomach and all that crap. Wish me luck! (I am 11 hours in. I had to give my container of almonds to Michele because they were calling my name. AND some DEVIL brought brought soft pretzels to the office today!)

Katy stood during the rest hymn at church yesterday and sang "I am a child of God" and it was the most precious thing I have ever seen.

Shameless is back on. If Ian and Mickey don't end up together, I am going to freak out.

I think my sister Erin ordered me a cat condo on Amazon. It's supposed to arrive today. Look for an entire post on this thing!

Lori Ann

p.s.- The Blacklist starts again tonight!!! I have been going through such James Spader withdrawl...

Must have been something you said

Ok,

So, here are some of my slightly bitter, rambling, but honest random thoughts:

I am so angry at myself for my hair. I felt like I had to validate what the hairdresser was saying about my hair and how it should be styled and cut instead of just saying "listen- this is what I want". When you are paying over a hundred dollars for something, you should get what you want. 

This is what it looks like down

I pulled an ab muscle working out yesterday. This has now happened twice. It's not a sharp pain (most of the time) but it's an annoying, ever present pain. The kind of pain where you are like "if this would just go away, I would be so happy and never complain about anything again". 

It's not easy maintaining these abs, baby!

I've simplified my health goals. My actual goal is to lose weight, build muscle, and feel better. My rules are much more simple as well: No eating after 8 pm, no sugar, and do some kind of exercise 6 days a week. I feel so much better now that I have a simple, workable plan.

Katy has been wearing her hair in pigtails lately. It may be the most precious thing I have ever seen. 

I've got like 10-12 kids signed up for my teen social skills group. It's going to be totally nuts. I barely had a handle on it when it was 6 kids. Wish me luck!

I do think it's a little ironic that I run two social skills group when my own therapist said that I don't have friendship building skills. 

Sometimes I go through phases where I want to watch Harry Potter or Twilight or The Hunger Games. I really, really wish that a new amazing series would be published so I could wrap myself up in it. 

I almost died like 3 times on the way to work today. It was snowing but it didn't seem that bad. Until I turned out onto the main road and completely spun in a 360. Then, on the other main road, my back wheels were fishtailing all over the place. I actually started embracing the inevitability of my demise. It was epic.

That is all.

Lori Ann

Meow, meow, meow

This thing has been making me laugh all morning. (except for the hour I spent at the gym- I never laugh at the gym)

She made a video of her own feet in which she says the following: 

Hello. My name is Katy and today is a good day for meowing. Meow, meow, Meow. 

It was very avante garde. 

I'm surprised by how little I miss facebook.

I need to revamp and simplify my health and fitness goals. 

I need to honest blog.

I need to write coherent posts. 

Lori Ann

You just bought your expulsion papers, Nwanda

this does not relate to my post at all

It's 6:45 am, people.

Before even the crack of dawn.

I am currently chatting with Elly about aliens.

I deleted my fitness themed blog because I realized that I can barely keep up with this blog, much less another one.

I can't wait for my psych evaluation. I demand that they diagnose me with ADHD. I can't focus on anything.

Anyway, here is what I have been thinking about lately:

People breaking up. I've heard of some recent devastating breakups and its been so sad. Why can't people live out the lifetime television for women life long passionate love story I have planned for them?

The mid-terms. I've already got 2014 fever! I am going to ask off for the Wednesday after election night because I plan to stay up ALL NIGHT!!

Getting revenge on my coworker who keeps George Clooneying me. I still can't think of even where to begin with that. 

My hair. It's so horrible. I am going to wait until right before my half marathon and then cut it even and dye it blond.

That is all.

Lori Ann

p.s.- More honest blogging to come in the future. When it's not the crack of dawn. 

As we know it

Ok,

So I am going private starting tomorrow. Or tonight. Whenever I get these email addresses ready.

Oh yes. 

Of course, this does put a crimp in my plan to be the next famous single female Mormon blogger in her mid 30's. 

Or should I say the ONLY famous single female Mormon blogger in her mid 30's? 

Sometimes you've got to let a dream die.

 (Just like my dreams of Superbowl glory died last night)

But I digress. 

It seems only fitting that at the end of an era at TSC we discuss my discussion with my nieces and nephews about the Zombie Apocalypse today.

Here is how it went down:

Someone brings up the topic of the Zombie Apocalypse. Can't remember who. It's the kind of thing that often comes up in casual conversation, eh?

Elly states "If there is a Zombie Apocalypse, I'm going to have a knife. And a flame thrower". 

She already scares me. A flame thrower would make it so much worse. 

James does his best Zombie impression, literally falling over into the couch because "that's what a zombie would do, they are dumb".

The zombies would probably run when they saw THIS!

Jack Jack frequently interrupts, accusing his siblings of being "impractical" and "unrealistic" in their weapon choices. 

He states "At best we'd have sniper rifles and maybe a few knives. Or an assault weapon...unless we got access to an Army base".

I love this literal, practical young man so much.

James begins a long and detailed plan of his to have a jet pack, filled with gasoline, which he would then use to suffocate the zombies. 

Jack scoffs, stating "And where are you going to get this limitless gasoline jet pack?"

He then informs us that the only remaining part of a Zombies brain is the part that controls the central nervous system and we should go for that in order to kill the zombie.

orrrrrrrrrrrrr, we could give them some 'ginko baloba' (I'm spelling it phonetically, dammit!) which would restore their brain health and render them no longer zombies. 

None of them are impressed when I ask if we could use the paddle on the zombies or a herd of attack cats. I can see the contempt in their eyes. 

It's clear I'm not going to make it out of the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse alive. I think they have already written me off.

Anyway,

Kind of random. But these are the conversations I want to remember. 

(So I can bring them up in my speech at their wedding receptions!)

Lori Ann

p.s.- Don't tell the others but the one I would actually trust to protect me during a Zombie Apocalypse would be this one. 

Look what she did to the la la loopsie pony.  She is merciless. The zombies don't stand a chance.

Dreams come slow

Jan. 4th, 2014.

It's that magical time again. 

Time for...

The Resolutions Post

I don't like the word resolutions that much. It's a word that has been synonymous with failure for me too many times.

2014 is going to be my year of Reformation.

I have always loved the word Reformation. Well, at least since I learned about the Protestant Reformation. There is a part of me that identifies so strongly with Martin Luther, nailing his 95 Theses to the church door.

Do you think it's his ex Catholic bad boy status that makes him hot? Or his beret?

I am not going to get into the minute details of my personal Reformation here.

It involves things like: getting off facebook, going vegetarian again, early to bed-early to rise, and a hundred other details that have been swimming around in my head. 

The only thing that really needs to be said is that when it's January 4th, 2015 I want to look back and have had fewer regrets, more adventures, a sharper mind, a healthier body, increased honesty, a clearer plan for the future, and I want to have brought myself closer to God. 

This blog falls under the 'be more honest' part of my Reformation.

I am not exceptionally honest on this blog and I'd like to be.

Therefore I am making it private.

I don't want my clients to find it.

I want to have the freedom to say what I am thinking without fear of censure. 

If you want to keep reading, send me your email and I will invite you. 

My email is lorihinsdale@gmail.com.

 Or you can facebook message me if we are facebook friends. 

Also,

 I have started a new blog.

This blog is all about my health goals.

It will be public and I'm afraid it will be a bit boring.

It's about keeping me accountable, honest with myself, and moving forward.

You can find it HERE. 

TSC is buckling in for a crazy 2014. 

I hope you all the best year of your lives.

Lori Ann

2014

Ok, people.

It's January 3rd. This should be my Resolutions post but I can't get started on those until after my pizza and Twilight party at Michele's. 

Michele

Pizza

Twilight

Anyway, so we're going to do something incredibly rare here at the Spinster Chronicles.

 A random thoughts post.

Let's do this dance!

It's a snow day at work today. It almost brought tears to my eyes when I saw on the website that we were closed. Then I literally starting hearing the Ode to Joy in my head. I'm going sledding with my nieces and nephews in about 30 minutes.

Speaking of nieces, yesterday Katy said the two following things to me:

"Don't make me angry or I will start to make weird noises"

and

" I'm not beautiful. I am a cat".

She then informed me that her ears were getting more pointy and she had begun her transition into literally becoming a cat. 

Youngest children...what can you say?

Christmas was legit. Legit crazy. This Christmas veered from the norm in that we interacted with our extended family. Yes, faithful readers- I have extended family. Like 40 cousins on my mom's side. Literally, 40 something I think. My mom is the oldest of 9.

More of the cousins, aunts, uncles, and my grandmother

We normally don't spend that much time together because our moms (my mom and her 4 younger sisters) don't hang out with each other. 

But it was festive to see them. I don't know if I'll ever have anything more than a very casual relationship with them. But I'm ok with that.

Just 8 of the 40 something. We range in age from 37 to 8.

In other random news, I have almost completely fallen off the wagon with my health and fitness goals. And I've got that half marathon coming up. It's time to get back on track. Luckily I haven't gained any weight, I just haven't lost weight in like 6 weeks.

If the park gets cleared today, my goal is to go and walk 10 miles tomorrow. Wish me luck!!

Ok, so I will be back to updating on a close to daily basis soon.

There is a lot to discuss.

My upcoming psychiatric evaluation.

My contentious relationship with my trainer.

My strange, strange hair cut.

My internal debate about going vegetarian again.

Mid term election mania.

It's going to be a wild and crazy 2014.

Lori Ann