Dreams that had never come true

Things I want to rant about right now...

I feel really restless. I have been feeling this way for a few weeks. Like I just want to get away from my life and my daily routine. It's probably partially related to the fact that it's summer now.

I've had a tough week client wise. Of course, I can't really share details but there are some people I can't help and who make me feel anxious and overwhelmed. Like I just want to run screaming from this profession.

I rarely smile for pictures but I swear this is how I've looked all week. Tired and mildly anxious and just done. 

I wonder if that is how God feels when we are hard to help. I am sure He is calm and patient and just waits for us to find our way back to Him. I couldn't do His job. 

Lately I've been relying heavily on my Heavenly Father to get me through the days. I find myself praying between appointments, asking for His guidance and some of His strength.

I love this one. He looks so happy that we are home. 

I keep waiting for my tattoo to finish healing. It's kind of scabbed over and muddled right now. I can't wait until it's healed and clear. I need the reminder to take it 'one' thing at a time.

I feel so lost when I think about the direction our country is going in. Gay marriage is legal in PA now. Now..you all know I love gay boys. (men, sorry). I've provided counseling for gay couples and I've met some amazing gay people in my life. It's hard for me to even voice dismay at this latest development because I get that it has made a lot of people happy. It's just that I feel like we are increasingly turning away from the plan of God and following the false idols of 'equality' and 'nonjudgement'. I always used to laugh when I would read the scriptures and hear stories about people worshipping false idols. "How could they be so stupid as to dance around a brass calf?" I would wonder. Now I get it. Satan makes false idols so persuasive. He takes ideas that come from God- love, happiness, family, non judgement- and he twists them just slightly.

There are no 'haters' in the great and spacious building. Just come as you are, have a glass of wine, everything's ok.

I remember after 9/11 wanting to literally wrap myself up in the American flag because I felt so lost. I want to wrap myself up in my religion and my testimony. I feel like we are all a little lost. 

This whole post is coming across as kind of depressing. I really do think I have something like seasonal affective disorder when summer comes. I hate it so much. 

My idea of heaven is an eternal late October Day in PA. Drinking apple cider and baking pumpkin cookies with Danielle's kids. With a chilly breeze and the smell of burning leaves. And that feeling of being more connected to my American heritage. That's my heaven.

Hopefully tomorrow I won't be so morose. 

Lori Ann