The only person I would ever seriously stalk..besides you!

Oh man, I didn't know it was today, or I would have dressed up...it's Chuck Norris's birthday, people. Today, he is 70!

You know what that means, my favorite facts about the Chuckster!
 (most of these also apply to my mother, strangely enough)


Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. . .

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. .

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. ".

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero

Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Lori Ann