Material Girl

I spend way too much time reading blogs that have pictures like this:

Or this:

 or this: 

I read blog posts with subjects such as: 

HOW I LOST THOSE DARN 5 LBS OF PREGNANCY WEIGHT

JUST WENT ANTIQUING AND GOT THIS TABLE FOR A STEAL- $399

FOR MY BIRTHDAY, MY MOM SPOILED ME AGAIN AND BOUGHT ME A FLAT SCREEN

I JUST BOUGHT MY 107TH VINTAGE DRESS ON ETSY. HERE I AM MODELLING IT BY A LAKE BEHIND OUR HOUSE- WITH MY HUSBAND (WHO IS NOT GAY,EVEN THOUGH HE DRESSES LIKE THIS) -AND OUR 7 KIDS WHO LOOK DOCILE AND WELL GROOMED

If you couldn't tell from the above pics and blog post descriptions, I totally seethe with jealousy and rage when I read these blogs. 

However, I am not one of those girls.

 I will never be a size two, I think antiques are too cluttery, my mom hasn't bought me a present since the 1900s, and I don't have a gay husband to dress up.

*sigh*

But- my jealousy exists for a reason.

There is something that these girls have that I want.

I think its the idea of adding beauty and fanciness to my every day life.

So, I will be blogging about my attempts to have some 'fancy' in my life- whether it be doing my hair in a beehive or doing crafts on a budget (like a 2 dollar budget), or rifling through the local antique store for some junk to clutter up my life.

Get ready people.

 They don't call me the Martha Stewart of Rockingham County for nothing!

(and by 'they' I mean 'me')

Lori Ann

Her tongue appears to be hinged in the middle, but she may turn out all right.

It's not often that I do two new things in one day. 

Today I did.

 I waxed my car.

 I dyed tulle with jello.

 Lucky for you I have pictures of this!

It turned out pretty sweet.

 Just the perfect shade of pink.

It's for Elly. 

I can't believe she is going to be 5.

Where did that red headed baby go?

Lori Ann

p.s.- Here is the start of the pink tulle wreath I am making for Elly!! 

p.p.s. I am kind of a crafting genius! 

You can Google it.

I know probably everyone has googled their name.

 I have.

 It takes me to "Lori's Shoes" in Hinsdale, Illinois

 (that's a fun fact about me. I served in Hinsdale Illinois, though we never went there because there were no Hispanic people living there)

Anyway, I took it a step farther and GOOGLE IMAGED my name. 

These are my favorite images of what turned up. 

So, Google has an image of me as a Revenge seeking monster,  putting on lipstick with a zombie filming, all the while chilling with some cute African American boys.

How did they get into my head?

 That is my life story!!
(minus the monster, putting on lipstick, zombie,hanging out with cute boys part)

Lori Ann

Go on, take the chicken and run!

Intern number 3 and I left this note on the desk of Intern number 2.

 She doesn't know it yet, but she is supposed to help us release a chicken into the wild.
 (one of my life goals)

I know what you are thinking.."boy, those interns are lucky!

My supervisor never left me vaguely threatening letters" 

Lori Ann

p.s.- Laura (aka Intern number 2)- if anyone tells you that I said "if we get caught, lets run and let Laura take the fall" that is completely false. I promise:) 

Random Thoughts Wednesday, because it feels like a Thursday

I love my nieces and nephews.

 And I've got the cheap craft projects to prove it! 

I am obsessed with taking pictures of cool looking light. Like this. 

My sister Erin is probably going to get her LCSW! 

After spending my life following in the footsteps of both of my older sisters, its weird (but awesome) to have one of them follow in mine.

 Go, Eri! 

The trenches await you!! 

I now have three Hispanic clients I provide outpatient therapy too.

 I have a hard enough time providing therapy in English.

 Good thing all I ever really say is "How do you feel about that?

 Como se siente acerca de esto?"

Lori Ann

When a boy comes over, you should always have something baking

So, yeah I'm sure you've heard all the chatter and buzz about what a great cook I am becoming.

I'm probably totally going to take over for Martha when she retires. 

Anyway, tonight I am going to be sharing some of the magic with you!

Prepare to learn how to make potato and ham soup in four easy steps!!

Step one: cut up ham and potatoes.

 Don't forget the running commentary to your imaginary audience as you dice your soup ingredients.

Step 2: For the first time in my entire life, I voluntarily added onion to something.

 Boo yah!
 (The actual step is to chop some onions)

Step 3:  Additional ingredients include: cheese, milk, flour, salt and pepper to taste..and there is more to this step, but I forget.

Saute something, bring something to a boil, blah blah,blah

Step 4: Enjoy some home cooked goodness! Relish in your culinary superiority.

 Following dinner send daily anonymous email to Martha. 

Make this one vaguely threatening in nature.

Lori Ann

Whoever said orange is the new pink was seriously disturbed

Brunette is the new awesome!

Lori Ann

How I love thy company

      

I shall forget,to have thee still stand there
Remembering how I love thy company  


And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget, 

 Forgetting any other home but this.

Shakespeare




This is my favorite quote about love.



It's from the  balcony scene of Romeo and Juliet.




So..my favorite quote for my favorite people.

JJEK




See you soon!




Aunt Lori

p.s.- I cant forget the other loves of my life (my other niece and nephew!)

Pumpkin and Buster 

Now, lets everyone just calm down..

Today, at Walmart.. (isn't this how all the really good stories start?)

I impulse purchased a cricut.

Yeah, this thing.

I felt a rush of adrenaline after I put it in my cart.

This thing is the holy grail of crafting. 

It's the kitchen aide mixer of crafting apparatuses. 

I am living the dream now, baby! 

Lori Ann

Love..true love, is what brings us together today

I am tarting up my apartment; even my life in general, for Valentines Day.

 It's pretty much the most important mid February celebration, after all.

 Let's show it some respect, people!

I had to add this one.

 I was up until 3 am making it.

Yay for late night craft projects!

I am the opposite of most people.

 I "spring clean" in the depths of winter.

 And redecorate.

With this..isn't it awesome?

My Valentines Day inspired table runner. 

Chicken Cordon Bleu and shrimp. 

I ate about 4 shrimp when I realized that I had made WAY too many.

 Shrimp party at my house, anyone?

Lori Ann

Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who

You know how most people don't really know you?

I mean, everyone has family and even a few friends who know them, but the majority of people you interact with will never really see beyond the facade.

With that in mind, I have decided to reveal 10 things you would NEVER know about me if I wasn't about to tell you right now.

Let's do this thing!!

10. In my almost three years of working in people's homes, I have never used their bathrooms.

 It doesn't matter if I am out for 2 hours or 10, I have trained myself not to have to go until I get home. 

(and its not a germ thing..I always think about how I feel when people ask to use my bathroom..which is never clean)

9. I was at Times Square for New Years Eve 2000.

8. I've seen hundreds of people naked.

 I've even chased naked people down the hallway!

7. I am weirdly fascinated by infection.

 When my finger was infected, I took pictures of it to send to my mom. 

6. I sleep in my recliner.

 I inherited my sister and brother in law's mattress when they upgraded and it is as hard as a rock.

5. I can't take certain adult responsibilities seriously.

 Like having interns.

 I just see them as new sidekicks, with whom I can plan crazy pranks and craft projects.

4.  I like drinking out of fancy cups.

 It makes me feel like I am living a little dangerously. :)

3. I love blinking Christmas lights.

 It makes me feel safe and like the world is still a safe and magical place.

2. I feel like the worst thing about being single is having to scrape the snow off of my own car.

1. I am still obsessed with Harry Potter

. I just don't talk about it anymore, because I don't want people to know I'm still obsessed (after 2 1/2 years) and judge me for it! 

Lori Ann

You are to refrain from any any acts of violence including verbal assault and vulgar hand gestures.

There are a lot of things I could talk about today.

 My crazy new intern.

 Office politics.

 My two days off caffeine before I fell off the wagon again.

 How I am getting the iPhone next month. 

However, I will leave you in suspense and simply give you a few glimpses into the G.L.A.M.O.R.O.U.S. life of Lori!

This is the "snow storm" that shut the South down for literally a week. 

This is my new favorite scent from Bath and Body Works!

I will be seeing this little muffin baby soon, when she comes to my house for her 'birthday tour'!


Lori Ann

No matter what she tells you..she was NOT born in the wagon of a travelling show!

Behold.

 It's my Mother!

Though she may appear deceptively cute and sweet, beware!

Her favorite shows are about murder, she's angry because she is short and can't reach things, and she once told me "the rules are different for moms"

 

My mom is the most charismatic person I have ever met.

 She is charming and kind and funny.

She makes people feel both cared about and empowered.

 Whenever I introduce her to someone new, I still get that little kid feeling, like "do you see? It's my mom! I told you that she was cool!" 

Ma, thanks for everything. 

Happy Birthday

Your favorite child and baby,

Lori Ann

Well in body, though considerably rumpled in spirit

You know, if there is one thing that this blog is missing, it's more of my opinions.

Many of you may be paralyzed by indecision in your every day lives, wondering "What would Lori think about this?"

Well, prepare to be liberated my little pork chops..you are about to experience

LORI'S HIGHLY EDUCATED, INFORMED,  AND SUPER IMPORTANT OPINIONS ON STUFF

Here we go...

1 The Economy: I wish the government ran their finances like I did.

Then things would be great in this country.

 Because we'd spend all of our money on pointless craft projects and wonder exactly what this whole 'retirement planning' crap is even really about.

2. Rap Music: It degrades women and glamorizes violence, drugs, and an irresponsible life style.

 And let me assure you of this..you will NEVER catch me listening to Snoop or Eminem in my Ford Focus, singing along, feeling really bad ass.

 Nope.

That's not me, so just keep driving, ok?

Gosh.

3. The Jersey Shore craze: Listen, I lived on the REAL Jersey shore for 5 years.

 The over priced car insurance, no self serve gas, dead hermit shell crabs, and dirty bay water.

 And the obnoxious french Canadian  tourists.

When will these things be featured on the show?

 There was only one hot tub in the Villas (the town I lived in) and it belonged to my Chemistry teacher.

 One night he found some random man in it. 

4. Gay Marriage: I support marriage of all kinds.

 Mainly because my favorite form of entertainment is wedding related reality TV.

Cakes, dresses, and wedding planning.

 All of it.

 So, whatever we have to do to create twice as much of that programming, I have to get behind it.

 In an ideal world, I think any two people should be able to get together in some kind of union.

 And NO, I am not just saying this because I'd like to get my hands on my cousin, Gregory Francis. 

Wow..we've covered a lot of ground here.

 Next weeks topics will include: tupperware, pretentious facebook status updates, war, and therapy for pets. 

You're Welcome.

Lori Ann

Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more

The parking lot next to my drivers side door- don't be fooled, it's not slush..it's pure ice

Ice is my winter nemesis.
 (and it's twin is humidity- my summer nemesis)

 11 years ago today (I think), I fell on the ice on my way to work
.

It was 330 am in Rexburg Idaho.

I broke my leg in two places. 

I can still hear the sound of the bones breaking (it sounded like a pencil snapping) in my head.

Now, I have a complete fear of ice.

Which just about matches my apartment complex's complete apathy concerning ice removal.

And so the games begin..me versus the ice

(Don't tell anyone, but my money's on the ice!)

Lori Ann

How convenient for you..and the clock

Ok, people.

 It's Friday night.

After talking myself out of going to bed at 8 pm, I decided to spice up my night by watching the entire second season of Say Yes to the Dress on netflix.

Yeah, I guess I am kind of a party animal.

Anyway, I spent most of my day in

 MOTIVATIONAL INTERVIEWING

 training.

This is the therapeutic technique that employs a lot of reflective listening, etc..

It sounds something like this:

 client  "I don't want to be in therapy, you can't help me"

Me: "It sounds to me like you feel alone in what you are going through, and you are wondering if therapy will be able to help you"

Pretty sweet, right?

Be on the look out for me to utilize this technique on you at

ANY. GIVEN. MOMENT. 

Lori Ann

This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bow staff.

Years ago, I read an article in Readers Digest that changed my life. 

The basic premise of the article was the author's quest to use movie/ song quotes in every day conversation. 

Not just willy- nilly. 

Anyone can toss out a random "Your mom goes to college" or "The force is strong with this one" type quotes. 

The author was talking about obscure, strange quotes used IN THE CONTEXT of the conversation. 

Not as random asides. 

From the moment I read that article, I began a quest of my own.

 During this quest I have used many, many quotes in every day conversation, some notable ones being:

"I am hot, sticky, sweet from my head to my feet"

"I don't know where I am going, and only God knows where I've been"

"What are you doing here? Well, I can see that you are serving drinks!"

"You used up all the glue on purpose!"

"Because he's holding a thermal detonator!"

and my personal favorite:

"The details of my life are quite inconsequential.... Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament... My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon... luge lessons... In the spring, we'd make meat helmets.."

I don't know if your daily conversations need to be spiced up.

 I get bored with the same old chit chat.

Anyway, some of you might think this is a stupid idea. 

To those people I say: You are clearly jealous..and seriously, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. 

Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.

Lori Ann

Random Thoughts: The Pre-Blizzard, on Nyquil, Sunday Evening Edition

Ok,

I am SO angry.

 I have dedicated the BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE to cheering for the Philadelphia Eagles and, as of the 3rd quarter, it looks like they are throwing another season down the drain.

AHHHH!! 

Anyway, on with the randomness:

1. I bought a pork roast, because I am feeling experimental with my cooking.
 (and because I only have a mini crock pot, and the beef roasts were all too big)

 You DO put pork roast in the crock pot, right?

2. We are preparing for snow here. I have my candles, blankets, hot chocolate, and stack of books to read.

 And the pork roast.

Can't forget about that.

3. I have been sick all week.
 (my sister Erin told me that I am perpetually ill and she even called me "sickly", which is FALSE!)

Anyway, I called my mom to tell her about my illness and she responded by shrieking "Lori Hinsdale, you are to take the prescribed amount of medication..P-R-E-S-C-R-I-B-E-D amount!"

She spelled prescribed like 6 times.

 It was funny.

 Maybe it was so funny because I had just taken a dose and a half of NyQuil.

4. I was talking about my blog in a meeting at work last week.

 My boss told me again to "be careful".

 Fear not, dear readers, I will not be silenced, not even by the omnipotent puppet masters of North Eastern North Carolina Community Support Agency Middle Management! (NENCCSAMM for short)

5. I know my love of Taylor Swift has driven a wedge between me and some of my blogging friends.

I'm sorry..nothing stands between me and my top 40 pop music.

 I love love love her new album "Speak Now" and especially her song "Dear John".

 Probably because it's everything I've ever wanted to say to John Mayer.

 Maybe she intercepted some of the anonymous fan mail I sent him.

Lori Ann

You are a bad penguin!

Two amazing things happened to me today. 

One, I was pulled over making a phone call when I saw this SERIOUSLY hot boy.

 So..I felt like it was the right call to go ahead and creepily take a picture of him.

You're Welcome.

This picture does not do him justice!

 Two, my Hispanic clients made me pozole.

 Anyone that has eaten real Mexican food should be salivating at this point.

I've been off my mission too long though, as I couldn't make myself finish the huge bowl they served me.

I hope they weren't offended!

Sin chile, por el amor de Dios! 

It has already been an amazing 2011 and it's only the 7th!

Lori Ann

So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower

Ok, so I admit it. My blog has gotten a trifle BORING, as of late.

I wish I had more exciting things to blog about.

But, I don't.

 Not that it will stop me from blogging anyway!

 So, prepare to walk the plank and read yet another AMAZING post from the infamous Lolee. 

Today's exciting topic: My goals for the month of January. 

I'm going to let the excitingness of this blog topic sink in.

I'm going to let it marinate...then I'm going to hit you with some knowledge!

LORI'S GOALS FOR JANUARY 2011!!!

1. Complete my entire to do list EVERY DAY

2. Read 1 therapy related book PER WEEK

3. Recognize good in other people (and tell them!)

4.Clean up before bed

5. Have a morning/evening beauty routine

6. DeClutter

Each one of these goals are things that have been nagging me for years, things which I think about DAILY and yet, have never mustered the energy to do. 

Wish me luck, and good luck to you with your goals, resolutions, and happiness projects!!

Lori Ann

p.s. As usual, my blog titles, now movie quotes instead of song lyrics, will probably only have meaning for me. Oh yeah. 

Ummm... I can't think of a good title, dang it!

Ok, as part of my New Years Resolutions, I have developed a series of Personal Commandments
(an idea from "the Happiness Project")

These commandments are guidelines I want to live by.

 I think that, by living by these, I will be happier.

Lori’s Personal Commandments

• Be Lori

• Don’t let fear slow you down

• It’s ok to like what you like- you don’t have to be like everyone else

• Give yourself credit when it is due

• Clean- it will make you feel better

• Think Positive, Speak Positive

• Dress nicely, do your hair, wear makeup

• Do something uncomfortable weekly to grow

• Finish what you start- it will give you a buzz

• Don’t make promises you can’t keep

• Embrace your annoyances

• Be the change you want to see

Lori Ann 

I wish I may, I wish I might..

My follow up from the last post.

 Because, once again, I've got you on a "NTKB"..a Need To Know Basis..and you all need to know the details of my holiday adventures!

A surprise visitor

MY DAD! aka "the Christmas Elf" 

A NICE Christmas dinner

 My dad made steak, potatoes, trifle, a bread bowl, and all my Christmas dreams come true!

An unexpected trip

Due to some car issues (my dad's car), he was delayed in NC..so instead of slowly going insane in my one bedroom, we took the four days it was being fixed and headed up to sweet home Pennsylvania!

It appears that some were excited, while others were not!

A life changing book

THE HAPPINESS PROJECT.

 BEST BOOK I'VE READ SINCE HARRY POTTER.

Changed my perspective on resolutions, communication, and how to be happy.

A bread bake off

I started making bread a month ago.

 This; I felt, qualified me to challenge my mother
 (whose bread has been renowned for over 3 decades)

and my sister
(who has about a decade under her belt).

 I am thrilled to tell you that I won the bronze medal in that competition:)

A quest to make a mini snowman with large stick arms

This involved my niece Elly who is a genuine megalomaniac.
 (I've officially diagnosed her)

 We made a snowman the size of three stacked tennis balls and she wanted to attach large branches

for his arms...what happened next will live in Mill St
 (my sisters street)

 Christmas folklore for years to come.

Learning more than I wanted to know about french Canadian soup

All I will say about this is; I don't care how cute you are, or how good you make leek based soups.

You are Canadian.

Which makes us enemies.

The hands down best game of Settlers of Catan
there are no pictures, but I will say this much..

I smell fear. That is to be expected.

Lori Ann