Sunday, January 16, 2011

Well in body, though considerably rumpled in spirit


You know, if there is one thing that this blog is missing, it's more of my opinions.

Many of you may be paralyzed by indecision in your every day lives, wondering "What would Lori think about this?"

Well, prepare to be liberated my little pork chops..you are about to experience

LORI'S HIGHLY EDUCATED, INFORMED,  AND SUPER IMPORTANT OPINIONS ON STUFF

Here we go...

1 The Economy: I wish the government ran their finances like I did.

Then things would be great in this country.

 Because we'd spend all of our money on pointless craft projects and wonder exactly what this whole 'retirement planning' crap is even really about.

2. Rap Music: It degrades women and glamorizes violence, drugs, and an irresponsible life style.

 And let me assure you of this..you will NEVER catch me listening to Snoop or Eminem in my Ford Focus, singing along, feeling really bad ass.

 Nope.

That's not me, so just keep driving, ok?

Gosh.

3. The Jersey Shore craze: Listen, I lived on the REAL Jersey shore for 5 years.

 The over priced car insurance, no self serve gas, dead hermit shell crabs, and dirty bay water.

 And the obnoxious french Canadian  tourists.

When will these things be featured on the show?

 There was only one hot tub in the Villas (the town I lived in) and it belonged to my Chemistry teacher.

 One night he found some random man in it. 

4. Gay Marriage: I support marriage of all kinds.

 Mainly because my favorite form of entertainment is wedding related reality TV.

Cakes, dresses, and wedding planning.

 All of it.

 So, whatever we have to do to create twice as much of that programming, I have to get behind it.

 In an ideal world, I think any two people should be able to get together in some kind of union.

 And NO, I am not just saying this because I'd like to get my hands on my cousin, Gregory Francis. 

Wow..we've covered a lot of ground here.

 Next weeks topics will include: tupperware, pretentious facebook status updates, war, and therapy for pets. 

You're Welcome.

Lori Ann

2 comments:

  1. Well, you always find a way to slam French-Canadians. I am going to start targeting Chicago-ans. That's right.

    P.S. I listened to people speaking Quebecois for half an hour on you-tube last night. What do you have to say about that?

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  2. You hated the French Canadian tourists too! I don't hate Montreal..I would love to see it succeed from Canada and start its own country! It's other parts of Canada I hate!

    Was it Chucky you were listening to on youtube? Because, guess what? He called me last night. He told me that if you come down here, he's playing Settlers on my team.

    p.s.- The people of Chicago welcome your persecution. In fact, the entire state of Illinois. apportez-le, vous des guppies !

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