Narcissism is real, yo

There is very little I enjoy more than talking about being a therapist.

Maybe because I feel like it sounds just a little smug and pretentious.

And I love being thought of as smug and pretentious :)

But the weird reality for me is, that after all this work and all these years of school, I don't know if this is really the long term career for me. (I am glad this blog is private..my boss does not need to read this!)

Not that I have any plans to leave my job in the near future.

There are alot of things I really love about it.

My coworkers.

Most of my clients.

Not having to slave away in the hot sun.

The (fairly) decent paycheck.

The treat table.. my gosh, the treat table.

Here are my issues:

1. I am not an exceptionally compassionate person. At least not for as many people as I would need to be to do this job for the rest of my life.

2. I don't believe in half of the mental health diagnoses. It's not that I don't believe my clients are struggling and need help- it's just that I feel like people get a diagnosis and wear it like a shield and it doesn't help them- I can't tell you how many times I have heard "I am bipolar, I can't control this or that..." Half the time I want to get rid of some one's diagnosis, rather than give them one.

3. I am very outcome oriented. It's why I chose to practice Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's a goal based, short term therapy where you should see progress every week. (Not that it always works that way) Therapy's outcomes are frequently too nebulous for me to really feel like I'm doing something productive and meaningful. I like to see a finished product. It's why I love cleaning and organizing.

4. I don't have a natural instinct for connecting with people and understanding what they are conveying. I see it in some of the other therapists here. My sister Erin is the best at it I have ever seen. I can say like 10 minutes of rambling things to her and she is able to get to my exact point and understand me like I didn't even understand myself. It's something I wish I had. Like great musical talent. I can appreciate it and want it, but the natural ability escapes me.

5. I struggle with boundaries. I have gotten better over the years (you should have seen me 5 years ago) but it's hard for me not just let my clients call me 24/7, do things for them they should do for themselves, tell them what they want to hear when they are sad. Boundaries are healthy and important and I'm not helping them by not setting them.

6. When I think about doing this for the rest of my life, I feel tired. Not inspired, or excited, or impassioned. Just tired.

I don't know where this leaves me.

Some of this might be coming from the fact that I tend to switch jobs every 2 years or so and I am coming up on my 2 year mark here.

I think I get restless.

I thrive with change.

We'll see what happens.

My next client is here.

Lori Ann