Just wait and see..aka I'm sorry for not getting it, North Carolina aka the triumph of Fear

Well,

Chalk up another victory for FEAR.

Fear and I have a never ending battles -which fear usually wins!  

I was ALL set to go and sleep out in the field behind my office, when I decided to watch what AOL termed

  "the 20 scariest movie scenes of all time"

Big mistake. 

Looks like this goal will have to go back on the shelf for another year.

 Dang it. 

However, as a small consolation prize, I have promised myself that I will be 

CONQUERING MY FEAR OF THE BASEMENT

when I go home for Thanksgiving!

Lori Ann

p.s. On a side note, I have been lamenting being trapped in North Carolina for another fall.

I have been dreaming of the crisp, chilly, and stunningly beautiful fall days of Pennsylvania.

I asked God to help me not hate where I live, and He opened my eyes to see that I was

surrounded by beauty. 

p.p.s. Happy Halloween, pork chops!

And just forget the world

People!

I am going wireless this weekend! (as in, no computer)

You may be sitting in front of your computer, tears running down your face, screaming "WHY??"

It's Halloween weekend people. And this year I will NOT fail to meet my goal of

SLEEPING UNDER THE STARS ON HALLOWEEN!

Nothing will stop me! (well, rain, threat of rain, fog, being uncomfortable, getting bored, and my fear of the dark could likely stop me)

Anyway, I am going to be running around all weekend, getting stuff done, so I can focus on spending Halloween Night

Looking up into the heavens

Dreaming of moving home

So that I can be

Spending Halloween Night next year

Under the stars with my little muffin babies.

Before they go and grow up on me!

Lolee

(but this weekend you can call me "dare devil"..or "devil dog"..or "the cats pajamas")

31 is still growing up now..

Ok, the public has been clamoring for more office pictures.

 Never let it be said that I didn't care about the little people!

This one is just for Eri!

 Thanks for the cute note thing!

Next we have my desk, with my infamous cranberry and ginger ale mix next to my difficult work laptop!

My bookshelf/Europe corner.

Last, the overall picture.

 Pretty glamorous, eth?

Now..on to the craziest mission story EVER told...

So, Laura (my former intern) and her companion get a call from a woman they had been teaching.

 I think she was committed for baptism.

 She stated that she urgently needed to talk to them. 

They got it approved by their zone leaders as it was after 9:30 pm.

 Then, they ran across the street to where this lady lived.
(Right across from them)

So, the scene is set.

It's a dark and hopefully stormy night when they arrive at their investigators house..

So, the woman invited them down the hall to her kitchen?

 Living room.?

Somewhere with a table. 

Spread across this table was every piece of church literature they had ever given her.

 And on top of that literature were her pills. 

That's right, her pills. 

Laura said that they were laid out in an organized fashion.

 Like: Joseph Smith pamphlet and xanax,

 proclamation to the family and ativan.

Anyway, at this point the woman began to speak to them about something.

 I think she was calling them out and talking about the devil.

 There may or may not have been some kind of exorcism that occurred.
  (I am such a great listener).

 Anyway, whatever was said, they took the whole pill/religious documents as their cue to leave.

 But before they could leave..

This woman stood up and began speaking some language.
(Laura says it was NOT gibberish).

They were edging toward the door and asking her what she was saying, when she announced "I was speaking Aramaic, because I am Jesus Christ"

Did it end there, dear readers?

 Of course not.

Laura and her comp tried to get out, but the woman blocked them in to her narrow hallway. 

You heard it right... Laura and her comp faced down a female Jesus in the narrow hallway of her one bedroom apartment surrounded by all of her pills.

Apparently, at this point, Laura's comp yelled "What's that over there?"

When the woman turned, they pushed past her and got out of the apartment.

As they ran to their apartment, she continued to shout threats and taunts at them.

 I think it was like "I'm watching you", "You're Satan's puppets", stuff like that etc. 

I doubt anyone could top that, but I challenge all you RM's out there to try!

Thanks for letting me tell your story, Laura.

 You are the best.

 In exchange I bequeath you my black office chair!

Lori Ann

What a way to make a living aka the Pork Chop Saga!

It has happened.

I transferred departments and am now in my 9th office since starting to work for this company 2 1/2 years ago.

This one is, by far, my favorite.

**wellll....I loved my office that was literally in a hallway. It allowed me to eavesdrop alot. But this one has natural light, so it wins!**

This is my quote wall.

 I've surrounded it with blue lights.

 Really kinda classy, right?

Ahh!!

 My work computer won't let me upload any more pictures right now.

 Devil computer.

Suffice it to say, it's pretty much a corner office with floor to ceiling windows and an amazing view of the NYC  Reidsville skyline...

On a completely unrelated side note, I have become obsessed with the idea of naming something "pork chop".

 We had a team building activity last week and my clinical supervisor asked us to come up with a name for ourselves and I shouted out "The Pork chops!".. we ended up "the dream team"..lame, right?

Genius is never recognized in its day, my little pork chops!

Lori Ann

p.s.- Mission story to commence manana!

New York, New York

I don't tell a lot of mission stories on this blog.

Mainly because, if I started, I wouldn't stop until I had told EVERY story..and I've got about 3000.

***also, I've got former comps that read this blog and I won't be able to embellish my stories with them reading! They know the sorry truth!***

 I served in the Illinois, Chicago Mission (Spanish speaking).

BEST MISSION EVER!

Anyway, to the point...I thought I had some kick-a mission stories.

But nothing...NOTHING..compares with the story my intern Laura told me. 

Laura
(the only Mormon intern in north Carolina)

 got matched up with me
 (the only Mormon task supervisor in North Carolina).

 Now I am transferring and leaving her in the clutches of another supervisor...ha ha ha
 (evil cackling)

..sorry, Laura! 

Laura served in the New York, Utica Mission... a few days after she started at the internship, she told me a mission story the likes of which I have never heard before..

Stay tuned, faithful readers. 

Lori Ann

p.s.- Laura..the battle of the chairs begins NOW!

Random Thoughts: The late Thursday afternoon version..

It's the magical time again:

To all the spiders of Rockingham County, North Carolina:

 my apartment is not your winter hang out spot.

 Just so you know.

Tomorrow is my last day at Day Treatment.

 I am transferring (back) to Intensive In Home.

 I am excited/sad. 

I want to have a scary movie night.

 All I need is someone willing to wake up at 3 am when I call, convinced that the girl from the Ring is hiding in my kitchen!

Sometimes my clients say the funniest thing.

 We have a new kid and today he and I, and two other clients were sitting at a table in the cafeteria, listening to a lecture.

I noticed that he was grumbling to himself and so I can say that I was only half surprised when he took the lid of his pen, placed it on the table, spun it in a circle and announced in a loud voice
 (to no one in particular)
"We are playing spin the bottle and when it lands on you, you get B*#t#^ slapped".

 I don't think it would have been quite as funny if the pen lid had not, at that moment, pointed directly at him!

I accidentally set my jack o lantern on fire.

No worries.

It has survived mostly in tact.

 I'm rethinking my decision to have dismantled my smoke detector though

I am going out to get some apple cider because I have a long night of rice krispy treat making ahead of me. 

If you hear me promising someone rice krispy treats again, please stop me. 

Lori Ann

Its a love story?

Ok,

As any one who knows me in person knows, I love romance novels. 

I think I've mentioned it on this blog before. 

I have been reading them since the age of 9 or 10. 

Anyway, I recently got a couple of regular harlequin romances, as this was all the thrift store had. 

The rural South has the WORST thrift stores for books..'

I did see some sweet red bikes for sale, which I have been dreaming about, but I can't fit a bike in my car to take it home, dang it!

This blog is going to a stream of conscientious format, as you can tell:)

ANYWAY, can I just say that kind of romance novel hero that appealed to me between the ages of 9-20ish, I now find emotionally abusive and bizarre.

Seriously, the guy in the book I have been reading tonight
 (his name is Andre and he is a smolderingly handsome Frenchman)

 has been emotionally and verbally and ever so slightly physically abusive to the heroine and all she keeps doing is taking baths, crying, and drinking in response.

Whenever he is nice to her, she literally SIMPERS.

Yuck. 

Can I get a hallelujah? 

Lori Ann

Take your cat, and leave my sweater..

I try to be a charitable person.

Of course, like most people, I enjoy charity that is fun and easy. 

Baking cookies, sending packages.

 All the festive stuff.

Stuff that makes me feel good.

There are two..no make that three...ok, wait..four kinds of people I have a hard time showing charity to.

1. overly confident, "I'm just going to be me" people

2. ungrateful people

3. the elderly (but only in the thrift store)

4. Canadians

I would love to address all of these groups at length, but I will limit myself to number 1.

I am transitioning at work to another department and there is a girl who is replacing me.

I told her that I would move all of my stuff to my new office which is in the building next door, but we are both at my old office for the whole week, as I am training her in the position. 

So, I come into the office today, and she has CHANGED EVERYTHING and already moved into my desk. 

I'm not saying she did anything wrong, it was just kind of weird to me.

I feel like I am extra cautious and I try not to step on any one's toes or offend anyone, and people who are just like "whatever" are so strange to me.

I wonder the things that go through their mind.  

Lori Ann
***post edit***
I left off smug people.

 Smug people drive me crazy!

For though they may be parted

Satan really has my number.

Most of the week, I am tired and want nothing more than to veg.

But on Sunday, the day of rest, I am inspired and have endless energy.

Anyway, here is what I did with my ill spent Sabbath..

Since my evil little pumpkins can't be here with me, I carved their names 
(quite expertly, might I add)
 into my pumpkin!

I painted my hobby lobby tray cherry red
 (also quite expertly!)
 and drank hot chocolate and read trashy novels!

I finished Erin's package!!

 It's sealed up and read y to send AT LONG LAST!

There was also alot of cleaning, etc but I didn't take any pictures of that.

 I didn't want anyone to feel like an inferior housekeeper :)

Now I am off to make popcorn, pour an icy cold glass of cranberry and ginger ale, and watch Disney's Halloween Treat online!!

Happy Fall everyone!!

Lori Ann

I had the best days with you

I have graciously decided to halt my all day Saturday cleaning project to update this blog.

It wasn't easy, but there is little I wouldn't sacrifice for my dear readers.

I title this:

My trip home now that I have a usb cord, thank you Radio Shack! 

Here we go...

The are pictures of Jack-Jack's candlelit 8th birthday party.

 Danielle did an AMAZING job with the party and with the food, we had:

homemade croissants

Ribs (cooked by the master- our dad)

veggie tray

Jack's famous baked beans

As always, a little bubbly

A strange vanilla cake, shaped like a pumpkin, with motorcycles crashing into it
(made by our mom at Jack-Jacks' request)

These are some of the things I loved about being home!

Top left: the view from the church, after Jack-Jack's baptism

Top right: my sisters cat- Willow aka Snarfus (this one is for you, Eri!)

Bottom left: the Washington Inn- been around since the 1700's! In Sellersville, PA

Bottom right: Driving the back way from my sisters to my parents. PA is SO beautiful

And the most important thing I saw when I went home...

 These babies. 

I'm counting down the days until Thanksgiving!!

Lori Ann


***post edit***
the aforementioned cat was not, in fact, Willow, but Thomas.

 Below you will see the infamous Willow!

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round..

Working in an office is strange, at times. 

Actually, most of the time it is strange.

I realized that, due to the jobs my parents have
 (my mom's a nurse and my dad builds swimming pools

) I am the first person in my family who has a career that requires them to be in an office most of the day.

Office politics are real, home dog. 

People are stabbing other people in the back, there is a serious circle of office gossip and speculation, and SO MUCH MORE.

I recently decided to go back to my old job
(same company, different department).

 I was shocked at how people reacted.

 I got questions like:

"Was this your choice?"

"Did they push you out of here?"

"what is happening? "
 (said in a panicked voice)

Even weirder than the questions I got, was the call I got my from clinical supervisor telling me that it was time to tell people I was transferring departments.

 He then said

"Make sure you tell them it was your choice, not that you were moved around by the puppet masters"

It was that moment, when I felt like I had stepped out of my life and into some kind of espionage movie. 

Just another perk of the Spinster Life, I guess. 

If it makes you marrieds, and stay at home moms feel better, I grant you full permission to start up some 'office politics' in your marriages/families. 

You're welcome.

Lori Ann

Just going to stand there and watch me burn...

My blog title references the fact that I am most likely going to burn in H E double hockey sticks for this post. 

Get ready for crazy, judgemental Lori in full force. 

This is what happened to me today..

 I was in the family dollar, buying coke and other treats.

The girl in front of me in line has just one item, a six pack of nice bottled water.

You know, the smart water type, that is in the fancy bottles.

 I don't buy that for two reasons:

1. I'm not a huge water drinker and

2. I don't want to pay $1.47 per bottle.

So, I overhear that she is paying with her EBT (food stamp) card. 

You guys, I tried SO HARD to shut judgemental Lori down.

 I said "maybe its her one treat to herself" or "maybe its for formula for her baby".

Then I told myself "its none of your business, and its not your place to judge".

I was SO proud of how I was letting go of my knee jerk prejudices and automatic thoughts.

 I made my purchase and headed out the parking lot. 

She was just pulling away as I got out the door. 

You guys, she had 42 inch SPINNING rims.  

Between medicare, FICA, state and federal income taxes, I pay almost $800 per month.  

Is it wrong for me to ask people to pay for their own fancy water, instead of using their money for spinning rims??

Lori Ann

All You Need is Love

This weekend I went home for the Big 3.

No..not Stalin, Churchill, and Roosevelt.

But close. 

My birthday.

Jack's 8th birthday.

Jack's baptism.

It was nice to be home and I loved seeing everyone.

However, on Sunday, I was having a bad day.

 I decided to go home early.

I wanted to stop by my sisters house and say goodbye to her and the kids before leaving. 

As I walked up the steps, I saw a little hand reaching up to open the front door. 

I heard Elly say

"Aunt Lurlee, where have you been? We have been waiting for you!"

I decided to stay for a minute and sat down on the couch and talked to my sister, who, ironically, is MY therapist.
 (both my sisters are)

 (wait, is that ironic? I don't really have a good grasp on irony)

When she got up for a minute, my James came running over to me.

Seeing me looking sad, he grabbed my hand and said

 "Look, Aunt Lolee- we've got Harry Potter clue! You like Harry Potter! Let's play the game!"

It almost made me cry.

My muffin babies were watching out for me. 

 When they invited me to play "rock, paper, scissors' I decided I should probably stay.

I spent the day singing songs in the screened in porch, watching the Sausue dance, naming cabbage patch kids, eating pizza with Uncle David, stealing orange creamsicles, and kicking Danielle and Jack's trash at Settlers. 

To the Monroes
(especially the 'fearsome foursome'- JJEK)

You are my wonderwall.

I love you so much.

See you at Thanksgiving!!

Love,

Aunt Lori 

Run and tell that..

Let me say this.

I do not mean this post to be offensive in any way.

 I am not trying to make fun of or mock anyone at all.

Someone introduced me to these videos today, and I can't stop laughing.

It sounds weird, but the story starts with a woman who was the victim of an attempted sexual assault. (Not funny at all, right?)

Her brother went on the local news with his thoughts, and then someone on youtube made a video about it.

 The first video is the actual news coverage, and the second is the youtube video.

Please don't hate me.

 It was just one of those days and I needed something to make me smile.

Lori Ann

If you had just one question..

I've been waiting for this to happen.

I'm talking about Glee's second season.

Its seems inevitable that as soon as a show becomes popular, it begins to

take itself too seriously.

Tonight's episode of Glee was about religion.

I didn't get what message they were trying to portray.

But there was a message.

Of that I am sure.

Can we please  get back to our festive first season Glee? 

Do we need to weigh it down with heavy political, social, and religious messages thinly disguised behind witty banter and emo end of episode group numbers?

Lori Ann

Book of Mormon stories..

The package is on its way!!

 This is the most important thing it holds!!

Congratulations, Jack! I am so proud of you!!!

Aunt Lori